1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My girlfriend getting sad because of things.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Foxywolf, Apr 23, 2014.

  1. Foxywolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York State, near Rochester
    Well I actually have two questions, both having to deal with my girlfriend being sad, so here goes:

    1. My girlfriend gets sad every time I cut myself, now I realize that this is a natural reaction to things and that she only gets sad because she cares about me. She never gets angry at me and never sets any ultimatums or anything. She just gets really worried and/or sad. She even cried once when she asked me if I was thinking of cutting myself and I replied 'yes.' But anyways, I don't like to hurt her in this way, it makes me feel terribly guilty and I just feel bad whenever people worry too much about me. So I wanted to try and stop, but I am not sure, I am scared, and I worry that I would be stopping for the 'wrong' reasons. She is not forcing me to stop, but I just would be stopping because I no longer want to hurt her. Would it be bad for me to stop for this reason?

    2. My girlfriend lives 1.5 hours away from me. This makes it so we only really hang out on the weekends, we have been pretty consistent about this. However, every time one of us has to head home (we alternate who drives to the other's house) she gets really really sad, she even cries. Don't get me wrong, I am really sad to see her go, but I don't get unbearably sad because I know that I am going to see her again. But it makes me really sad to see her get that sad, and I really want to find some way to help her with this. She acknowledges that it may not be 'normal' how sad she gets, but I just don't know how I can help her with this, we will often skype the same evening that she goes home, so that she doesn't feel I have gone anywhere, but I want to know if there is anything else I can do to help her be less sad.

    Thanks in advance for anyone who answers one or both of my questions, I thought about making two threads, but I thought that would be weird so I didn't.

    Thanks again!
     
  2. EleanorHunter

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2013
    Messages:
    757
    Likes Received:
    14
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm sorry you're in this situation. :frowning2: It sounds pretty stressful. I'm gonna answer the best I can though.

    1. In my opinion, there's no wrong reason to stop self harming. However, you have to be careful, which I learned through personal experience; I've had on and off self harm urges since middle school. When I told my crush about them back in December, she was holding my hand and asked me to stop. When I had to leave, she tackled me in a hug before I could even stand up (something unnatural for her to do). And for a long time, I stopped because of that. However, when she betrayed me a month later, you can probably guess what I ended up doing... I haven't done anything since, probably because I've started seeing a therapist and such. The urges are still there though.

    The point I was going to give from that story: If you're going to give up self harming because of one person, then go ahead. Just don't let them be the only reason, or the reason that you continue to stop. Add on multiple reasons. Surely there are other friends who don't want to see you hurting yourself. Imagine them, along with your girlfriend. Also, do it for your own self benefit. Stopping will help you out so much in the long run.

    2. Your first question might factor into this. Your girlfriend could be depressed herself, and the last thing she wants is to see you sad and hurting yourself when she's not around. So that might be why she's so upset every time she has to say goodbye. She's probably scared. That might be why it's harder for her.

    I hope my advice helped in some way. I'm no expert in any of this, and I'm mostly speaking from personal experience. Either way, I wish you all the best.
     
  3. Foxywolf

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2011
    Messages:
    287
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New York State, near Rochester
    Thank you, and your advice does help. :slight_smile: Thanks! Yeah it makes sense, I can stop because of her, but I have to find my own reasons and motivations to stop. Makes sense. And yeah she could be worried about me hurting myself when she is not around, but I do know that she has a tendency to get sad and that she says that being around me makes her happy. So that's also probably a part of it. I just wish I could somehow ease her sadness because it's not possible for us to be together all the time.

    Thanks so much for your advice though :slight_smile: