Hey everyone, my names Joe. I'm new here! I found this forum because I don't have a lot of friends or family I can talk to about these types of things. Heres my dilemma.. im 29 years old, I have 3 children and am on my 2nd marriage. I started discovering that I was curious about the same sex at a young age. But it wasn't until I was about 23 that I acted on it. First time was just fondling, and then i had ddone oral. So far that's as far as i have gone. Now i have a healthy sexual rrelationship with my wife, but it seems like I've started thinking more and more about taking things further. Now I'm not sure if this is strictly ccuriosity or if I am bissexual or what I am. I also don't know the first thing about taking it further. I'm cconfused about a lot of things. I love women but I also think about men sexually as much If not more than I have and do my wife. Any advice, tips, answers would be extremely appreciated. I will answer any questions you may have.
One of the best things to do when you have a level of confusion about your feelings and attractions is to forget labels altogether. In the grand scheme of things, it really shouldn't matter how we identify.. straight, gay, bi, curious and allsorts of other combinations besides. Trying to find a label that fits adds another layer to the confusion, so it's better if we can set that aside and focus on how we feel, rather than what we are. That's what it's all about really, isn't it? Joe, the questions I would ask are these ... have you reached a point where you really want to take things further with a guy now? (the nuts and bolts of how you take it further are secondary to that question). What would be the likely impact on your marriage/family if you did take things further now?
Linco, I guess your right, thinking about it the way you put it really does add to the confusion and further complicates things. As far as my wife, she knows i have the feelings and desire. She has told me if itll make me happy she supports it as long as i dont leave her. im not entirely sure if i did take things beyond what they are how she'd react.
Mmm, it's a bit tricky. In all honesty Joe, I'd want to be sure that what she says is what she really feels. I'm guessing you don't want things to get really messy in your marriage if you decide to explore your feelings with another guy. It could be that your feelings for guys are getting stronger because you've never gone further than oral. Maybe if you'd taken things that stage further it would have settled your feelings one way or another, but because you haven't the curoisity is building. It's certainly a possibility. Definitely best to avoid labels and try to focus on your feelings. It's one less thing to think about and free's your mind to consider the more important point.
Hiya, I agree with what Lincoln said about making sure that is how you wife actually feels. She may just be saying that, because she is afraid to lose you and thinks it will make you happy. Just something else to consider though. You say you are thinking about taking things further. But consider if you were feeling the same way, but instead it was about other women instead of men. Do you think you would still be having this conversation. Being interested in both genders doesn't, in my opinion, mean you should be seeking experiences from both, especially if you have a partner or are married. I mean, I know some people may disagree with that, and your all free to choose your own opinion, but I personally see chasing some one of the other gender to your partner is no different to having experiences with someone of the same gender as your partner. As I stated, how do you think your wife would feel if you said you wanted to see other women aside from her? Of course, I'm not trying to tell you what to do and feel as it's not my business. I'm just trying to help you see other perspectives do you can make an informed decision on what to do. What ever you decide, I genuinely wish you and your wife the best and hope all works out well. Happy days
Thank you both for your insight! I'm not sure if it's something she'd really be ok with if it came down to it or if it's like you both have said and she's saying something she doesn't mean out of fear of losing me to someone else. I wish things in life were easy, wouldn't that be nice? Unfortunately they are not. You're right radioactive, just because I'm interested in both or curious of both doesn't mean I should act on it. I know my feelings aren't purely sexual towards other men, I've been in a situation with my best friend, who passed 5 years ago -- where we were super close. He was the first and only man I had ever been intimate with. Though we didn't have sex, cuddling, kissing and oral gratification we did do. We were pretty much inseparable. Someone I could of seen myself loving as more than a friend. Which ads more to the confusion as, I'm not sure if it was him I was attracted to or men and we were so close I was able to act on my feelings for men. I know all of this is cluster of a mess. Which Is Why Im So Confused. Thanks again guys. You're helping me think in different ways. I'm glad I found this place.
