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I'm not okay

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by MayatheSiren99, Apr 28, 2014.

  1. MayatheSiren99

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2014
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fairbanks, Alaska
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm pretty good at faking a good mood sometimes, when I really need to be, but I'm not okay. When I came out, and for a few days afterwards, I felt the happiest I've ever felt. Like a weight had been lifted from my heart. Now, I'm just miserable. I don't know what I'm supposed to do and I'm feeling trapped. It's like, my partner and I are the only ones that want to see me change. I want to feel right in my own body. I don't want to feel like a freak for the rest of my life, but I'm in a place where I can't even begin to transition, and I have to stop the masculinizing hormones in my body before it gets even harder to become who I really am, externally. I can't deal with the "sir, boy, man, bro," bullshit anymore. Even my partners family slipped up the other day, and they don't even know me as my birth name.
    How do you cope with yourself, when you're the only one that sees you? I don't want to be HIM anymore, I want to be myself and be treated as such:bang: