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New to EC not really sure what to do but looking for help

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Aussie, Apr 29, 2014.

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  1. Aussie

    Aussie
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    I've never really used EC before so dont know if im even posting this in the right place i dont even really know where to start either so im just going to start writing and hope i get somewhere with this!

    So ill start this back in August last year, I had been having a really terrible day at school so i decided i would spend the day in the councillors office. After finally getting out what i wanted to say to her through all the crying and decided to send my mum a text asking her to come to school and get me and that i needed to talk to her about something important. so about an hour and a bit later i found myself sitting at a cafe with my mum holding my 4 page coming out letter half in my hand half in hers. for some reason i could not let go of it it was the single most terrifying moment of my life. After 10 minuites of her reading she looked up at me and just held my hand. i took that as an acceptance thing i guess youd call it. I was so relieved the most scary part of my journey was over i could finally start moving on with my life...... i was wrong the next morning i was woken up by mum to homophobic slurs, angryness, getting threats of being pulled out of school into thearapy etc...

    Well now to now, in the last month i have lost my relationship with my grandpa and slightly with my grandma after mum decided to tell them they had an "alternative lifestyled" grandson and that he has been sleeping at a boys everyweekend and she dosent know what to do. My councillor has just become a drag t go along to because i get told the same thing everytime " itll be better soon just you wait". i dont want to talk to my boyfriend about it because when im with him thats my only time i am happy and get to escape it all and i cant talk to my brothers (14 and 10) or my sister (8) about it because ive been put off the idea of coming out to my family after previous prooblems thatve occured.

    One last thing id like to add is it seems as if in my post above ive made my mother out to be a horrible mother which she isnt she has worked so hard for us over the years and thatll never change no matter what i just wish i could actually have a convosation with her and rebuild our straied relationship. Also i would like to come out to dad and his side of the family because only my aunty on his side knows (she was so accepting it was so refreshing) but i only told her because she is a councillor and is really open the rest of the family are well...... not so much!

    well thankyou for reading any help or advice would be appreciated because tbh im not in the best place
     
    #1 Aussie, Apr 29, 2014
  2. Aussie792

    Aussie792
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    First, get rid of your counsellor straight away. Someone telling you that you should bear their bullying until you leave is just wasting your time, and implicity agreeing that you deserve it.

    Honestly, if your parents don't accept it, then no amount of raising you and hard work are worth being grateful to them. If that's the case, they don't want you. They want a fiction of a son they've created.

    If it gets worse, then speak to someone (not your current counsellor, I think), who will understand. If there are queer-specific social services near you, try to use them. They will probably be able to help.
     
    #2 Aussie792, Apr 29, 2014
  3. Best of Both

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    I agree
     
    #3 Best of Both, Apr 29, 2014
  4. Turkishtowel

    Turkishtowel
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    Absoloutly what Aussie792 said. And if it gets any worse try talking to your aunt!! She's part of your family so she'll probably have the best advice on coming out to your dad's side. And even if it's not coming out, it's nice to have family that you can talk to.

    Oh and welcome to EC!! I hope things start getting better for you and maybe EC can help :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Turkishtowel, Apr 29, 2014
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2014
  5. WhiteShadows

    WhiteShadows
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    Another Australian! Hey :grin:

    First of all (*hug*)
    I'm really sorry your mum hasn't been as accepting as you'd hoped. It's really terrible to hear that you're going through that, and I honestly wish I could make that go away.

    However, here are some positive things to remember:
    -She didn't initially freak out, and even showed you a supportive gesture. So it would seem that at least fundamentally she doesn't really hate you for it
    -From what I can gather, she hasn't been violent, threatened to kick you out or disowned you
    -You have a boyfriend who is there for you, even if maybe he can't help much, he's someone who can love you

    If I were in your position, I would have a conversation with my mum explaining how horrible I felt that she was not accepting of me. I would explain to her that she should love me for who I am, and that I'm no different a son than before I told her. Also, she is being ignorant and stupid to think gay=slut.
    Just because someone is gay doesn't automatically mean they're "sleeping around" or perverted... So I would make a very strong point of that.

    I hope this helps at all and that you can feel better soon.
    Post on my wall if you ever need someone to talk to.

    (*hug*)
     
    #5 WhiteShadows, Apr 29, 2014
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