Granted, I've never done anything that far with a guy before, but the sheer thought of it completely turns me off. I honestly believe if I were put into that situation, even if I wanted to for the benefit of the other person, I physically would not be able to do it because nothing would be going on down there. I feel like this is a huge hindrance, considering there have been opportunities I could have gotten with someone I really liked but did not because they were really versatile, to the point they'd expect to role as a bottom at some time. That is totally fine and cool for them, it's just not what I'm into. It seems like a lot of guys don't understand this, either. They hear me tell them I'm a strict bottom, how I like dominance and all that noise, but when it comes to just dirty talk about potential things happening in the near future they put forth ideals that would involve me being top. Maybe I just haven't met the right guy, but idea of me being in a position of dominance over a significant other is really unnerving to me.
This is an interesting thread that I'd like to follow. Sorry, I can't offer much advice because I'm as confused as you. (I'm a guy) I have the desire (not a very strong one) to have sex with women but mostly be bottom for men. I haven't really even spent time thinking about acting as a top. I've had experiences with both men and women but I'm not sure if one would just say that acting is just a fetish? You know? I'm confused because I feel external pressures to define it - so any additional insight would be appreciated! Thanks
Two options. One, stick with your "strictly submissive bottom" role. Two, buy a sex toy and have them order you to use it on them. Lex
I'm sorry I have no advice for this, I am very versatile and I would be disappointed if my partner wasn't. At least I think I am, I'm a virgin but sometimes I wanna be dominated, other times I wanna dominate. I thought I was strictly a bottom but I met one of my co workers recently and oh my Gawd, dat ass. Everyone I see him I imagine bending him over. It makes me feel really grimey that I'm looking at someone like that.
The thought of doing that would still make me feel like I am emasculating said person, which is a no-go for me. I have a really strict mindset about it, I honestly don't know why. Part of it is how I knew I was homosexual early on. It's really annoying because it apparently comes off as selfish? But it's not a choice, it's not like I intentionally don't want to do it. It's merely the fact I physically would not be able to switch roles and still be feeling frisky. It just makes finding a guy all that worse for me, since it seems "strict" tops are far and few, in fact a lot of them tend to be bisexual.
There are some gay and bisexual men who are strict penetrators, so don't feel like you'll be incompatible with everyone. Also, like Lex said, why not find a toy to use on your partner who also likes receptive anal intercourse. I can't vouch for double-sided dildos, never having tried them, but assuming the mechanics worked, I think that could be super hot with the right partner, since you could both "take it" and "give it" at the same time. ---------- Post added 4th May 2014 at 11:36 PM ---------- Also, very few of us who want to be penetrated view it as emasculating.
People like what they like. Don't over think it. I've found there's just as many exclusive "pitchers" out there as there are exclusive "catchers". If you're basing your theories on the preferences of guys that you see online (for example), you'll notice a large majority of them are catchers, but that really isn't a reflection of the real world. As a few people have mentioned earlier, toys are your friend. There's a lot of devices out there that will let him be rear-stimulated WHILE he's dominating you and - trust me - you will see stars in his eyes.
I feel like I have to bring this up here...but top =/= dominant. There are dominant bottoms and submissive tops. If you do top (And you don't have to) you won't be "emasculating" the guy. I'm a submissive "top" myself, so you can definitely find a dominant bottom. Now then, there's nothing wrong with being an exclusive bottom either, and you don't have to top if you don't want to. You need to have a guy understand that, and you can always work around this by using a sex toy on him (if you don't want to use your penis and he wants to bottom). But you can find exclusive tops too.
There are definitely people out there who are strictly dominant tops or don't mind being one, so if you find the right guy, then your problems should be solved. I used to be a strict top when it came to my fantasies and such, but as I grew older, I turned into a vers who can be dominant or submissive sexually. I'm not sure how old you are exactly, but maybe once you get older you'd feel more comfortable with topping. But hey, if you like being a strict bottom, that's just fine, too.
Strict tops are your thing so why look for anything else? Regardless of how many there are, you need to do all you can to attract them. My experience is dominants are not attracted to submissiveness as much as people think. They want a bottom who is as confidant in their sexuality as they are. Even if you don't always feel it on the inside you can still project it on the outside. Here are some tips: Don't be afraid to make light physical contact. Smile a lot and try not to brag or talk too much. When you do speak, speak clearly without qualifiers ("you know"). Maintain eye contact. Wear upscale clothing. Practice impeccable dental hygiene. Have an overall clean look. You want make the suggestion you are of quality dating material and let him draw the conclusion on his own.
*in walks the dumb straight guy who totally thought that this thread was about baseball... >.< * Just 2 points: 1) someone was concerned that being a receptive partner was a fetish but umm... doesn't that make being the penetrative partner a fetish, too? If so, somebody ought to call the Pope... :lol: and 2) I would assume that just like there are some lesbians who only want to give that there are also gay men who don't like penetration so, don't give up! You'll find someone! *casually excuses himself while still being clueless about how to toss a bloody baseball... :dry:*
I am actually quite capable of pitching a ball. It's all in the wrist. : P As for my problem it is purely psychological and nothing I am able to seem to do anything about. I acknowledge it's irrational/illogical but that's how things are with me. To say I over-think everything is a drastic understatement. I freaking dissect everything down to the T and come up with absurd theories. Example: Say I see a guy I really like, I will, under no circumstance, approach said guy and ask them out even I know, or am fairly certain that they like guys; why? I feel if they think I'm attractive and like me, they will approach me. If they don't they are most likely not interested in me. To which my friend reversed it on me and asked "Well what if they are feeling the same way as you, but are afraid to because they think you would approach THEM if YOU liked them?" My response was simply "Because that most likely means they aren't a top. As a top being the more masculine/pants-wearer I feel they have the instinct to approach me, the opposite of that. Much like a hetero guy would approach and hit on a girl." Like, I honestly feel like if I did have the balls to ask them out (which if I see them after I get a decent buzz going I do) I won't because I feel it's portraying that I am going to be a top if it goes anywhere. While I realize that is probably utter bull-crap it's burned into my mind. Just an example of my horrifying thought process.
