I just can't get over the love of my life just...letting me go...when she swore that she loved me everlastingly. We were so very in love with each other. And it was very long-distance. She also (extremely likely) has Asperger's. That fact holds a whole kettle of fish in considerations as regards her actions, perhaps...but I can never know them. Because she broke up with me after almost a year's "time/space off," which I granted willingly and lovingly. (If you don't know anything about Asperger's, please don't presume that I "should have known," just as soon as this happened. Because down-time and alone time...even extended and severe amounts of it, especially under different life stressors...isn't that unusual for many on the autistic spectrum.) The thing is, she didn't give me any explanation other than that she wasn't in love with me. I'd like to say "any more" but that would be putting words in her mouth. >_< But that's just the thing...she WAS (said so much, so many times, in so many ways, and so deeply) in love with me. Anyway...since that day that she broke up with me in actual word & deed, she has not offered any explanation as to whether her love was real, or what made it go away, or what. And so my heart is still aching, and I can't get over it, to this day. :tears: The worst part/thing that has happened is that I at the very least did not want to lose her entirely from my life...I wanted to at least remain friends. But the last email I got from her was basically awkward (as they all have been, post breakup), and she admitted that she's avoided keeping in contact with me for reasons of 'possibly sending the wrong message' and just general awkwardness. And that loss, plus the not truly knowing the 'why' for why she fell out of love with me, or whatever happened...it's just... :tears: What's made it worse is that she's erased/obliterated all online traces of our love that once was. Any of her accounts, places she hung out...they've all been wiped clean or cancelled and destroyed. It's as if she, and 'us,' is just...gone. In every way, shape and form. All I have left are the mementos that I personally kept, of the two of us and our interactions & love, and whatever correspondence she sees fit to grace me with. Period. It's as if she's died. I can't describe the grief. It just keeps coming back at the most random moments...every few months, it just guts me again. I miss her so much, and ache so much. :tears: When will this ever cease, or get better? (It's been over a year, but I can't even remember any more if it's been over two, unless I go back and check my email. I have piss-poor long-term memory for timelines & such; I'm at least ADD and possibly partly Aspie-ish myself, in ways.)
