Questioning if Life is worth it

This kind of thought is no good.

I have similar feelings, though I haven't even started Post-secondary and I am older than you. I feel like I have wasted my life, and like to blame it all on being gay. But it is partially you.

The only way to shake negative feelings is to want to get rid of them. I can't relate 100% to the family thing, but I do feel your pain. My sister told me I was the reason our family was falling apart(our family has been dealing with financial struggles, an unexpected pregnancy from my sister and my parents divorce for years).

My brother almost never talks to it about me, and I do partially feel he resents me for being gay, but he is a bit more open about it, and really doesn't 100% treat me different, but I do feel he doesn't understand how hard it has been for me. Same with my entire family, they don't see it as big a deal as I do, because they don't have to face the problems I do, therefore they can't see the gravity of the situation.

Stop getting depressed on how life works too, you sound like me. I am discouraged by the "rat race" we call life. I haven't even started to get my shit together so I can live financially stable.

The only point really to life is experience, looking for a reason is going to drive you insane because there is no reason. Life exists by random chance, and worrying about it's reasoning is just as useful as worrying why planets or stars exist. There really is no logical reason, logic is something we created not the universe.

For me I just want to have a boyfriend, and good friends.

I also find it hard to make friends because of my sexuality, and am worried I am doomed to only trusting females for the most part. One of my good friends has been really good about it since I told him, but I have noticed he calls A LOT less, and we hang out A LOT less. So that is depressing.

Sorry to get off track, but those short sentences just reminded me of myself a lot.

The only thing I can suggest is try to stay positive, a lot of NEGATIVITY is just chemical reactions and there are ways to combat that. Exercising, listening to POSITIVE HAPPY music, eating well, and getting ENOUGH SLEEP, will significantly improve how you feel.

Try that, there is nothing to loose? Why not treat yourself like a temple, and take good care, your mind will feel a lot better.

Also get rid of all this thought of meaning and reasoning, because it is something ALL humans struggle with. I literally have been depressed over thinking about this for years, especially in my teen years. Figuring out the reasons to everything is just ridiculous. It can make everything seem so much less important too. If I think about anything hard enough I can break it down to the point of being meaningless, but who wants to do that.

Stay away from negativity, stay away from contemplating stupid crap, and do take care of yourself, and try to be healthy.

Life for me is just about experiencing crap, the good and the bad, that's all. You choose what you do with it.

 

I would miss the sunset!

 

I hate to tell you this but 23 is still very YOUNG !!! And so the friends settling down and having kids should not make you feel any less a person. Besides you are a mature student doing a PhD and presumably following a passion and potentially rewarding career.

What is the PhD in might I ask????

What I suspect is going on is depression (I think this is right if I remember other posts of yours) coupled with a cranky relationship with parents etc.

Wouldn't it be better to set a more positive course. Not just finishing the PhD, but enjoying it with a new energy and get a big f**k off distinction. And then on to a cool career.

If life feels like wading through glue.. then something is definitely not right and some decent therapy and meds may be able to bolster you up. But you might be able to use the PhD as a step ladder to better things

Also you have a BF .. thats ten zillion percent more than some people on EC have.

 

I understand the realization that other people are having families while you are pursuing a career. Everyone makes different decisions. My sister has a family of her own. I on the other hand am pursuing a career which requires me to stay in school-which I have done. To be honest, I usually keep going when things go and get tough especially with school because then later on when I have a career I can say F you to the world. We all have a drive to do different things.

I praise you for staying in school. It takes a hell of a lot of effort-I have been going for almost 5 years and graduating this month. You have to realize that we have to set our own course. You have made the decision that best fits for you. Believe me I understand the idea of wanting to be where everyone else is, but to be honest people may be jealous of your successes and or see you in a more positive light than they may see in themselves. It seems everyone wants what they can't have or are unwilling to go after. Example, you have a boyfriend; I have never had a girlfriend. I would love to have a girlfriend, but know I need to focus on other things first. You are able to let someone close, I lack this because of anxiety. When someone gets remotely close to me I shut them out-yes, defense mechanism. Overall, its life and if I don't face it then well I will be stuck forever. That is what life is a series of challenges.

I believe what you are facing right now is depression-it sucks. Your mind thinks things that you would likely never think of without the depression having a hold on you. I think you have to keep yourself busy and hey maybe find someone to talk to about the things you are facing whether it be a counselor and or friend. I know people always say this, but things get better, however if someone is unwilling to change their outlook than things may not. You sound like a smart person and you will get through this. Best of luck.

 

Tell those feelings to shutup and go away.

 

Hey! You have a boyfriend, friends, and a PhD in progress.... life isn't all horrible and it seems you accomplished a LOT! Eventually you will have the career, the wedding and the family/kids...but it takes time. Especially for us LGBT people. You have TONS to look forward to. And sure spouses and kids are GREAT...but in the meantime enjoy being in your early 20s and having FREEDOM. It is something you won't have all that much of later on, once the other things come.

 

Had to look that up .. but it sounds an interesting field of study. I hope you do well with the PhD