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Understanding Lesbians

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by fruitlapassion, May 4, 2014.

  1. fruitlapassion

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    Maybe this isn't the right forum. I thought about posting it in the chit-chat but isn't this about sexuality? Anyway, if I'm in the wrong forum, please tell me.
    The reason I first came to emptyclosets is because I'm writing a story featuring two lesbians. But, thing is, I don't want to write whatever comes to mind. I need to understand; what if all I know about them is based on stereotypes? No sir, ain't going to allow that! So, do you mind if I ask some questions? You're free not to answer one if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Here I go;

    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew?
    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?
    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?
    4- What do you find attractive in a woman?
    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?
    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)
    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel?
    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react?
    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)
    10- How was your first relationship with a girl?
    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl?
    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it?

    Thank you for answering! Again, if you feel like it's too personnal, skip the question c:
    Oh, and by no means do I want to offense anybody.
     
  2. Wolf123

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew? I am still in denial about it. I had a slight feeling when I was younger. It was a bit confusing because as a kid I did like guys. Thing is I have never wanted to be close to a guy like I would for a girl.
    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case? I think I just am. I don't choose it because if I did then I would pick being straight.
    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women? Men are nice. I enjoy my guy friends company-they are fun.
    4- What do you find attractive in a woman? When I can have a decent conversation with her and we have similar interests. Eyes.
    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman? I don't, no gaydar here. I really liked someone, but I don't know what she was. She confused me.
    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)I am a person who has never been kissed.
    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel? Never have
    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react? I was in a depression. I closed everyone off when I finally admitted it to myself. I hated the world. They found out by digging it out of me. I had to tell my sister over the phone and my mom I texted to ask to speak to her one evening. They said they loved me no matter what, except I still feel like my mother just doesn't get it. I tell her she hopes I will be with a guy and at times I feel that maybe I should just be miserable so it can atleast make her happy. Also the guy thing wouldn't last because the thought of having sex with a male isn't something I think about.
    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD) I was scared as hell. I had so many things going through my head. It is difficult to pinpoint on just one emotion. Right now I am fine. I still find myself questioning if I am gay-denial sucks. It doesn't help that at times I have my mother in my ear telling me oh my gah, who is that guy in the photo? I cannot have a guy friend without them assuming I am some how with him. Not sure how they will take it with a girl. My mom says she would accept her, but who the heck knows.
    10- How was your first relationship with a girl? Not really a relationship, but the girl scared me. I have found that some girls are just too out there for me.
    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl? hmm....I don't care to do masculine things, but I am just who I am.... not sure since I would hope we would be equal.
    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it? It affects my environment simply because I am very secretive with what is happening in my life. I had someone ask me if I liked anyone and I said no because they don't know that I am gay.
     
  3. thekillingmoon

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew?
    No, I didn't always know. I was 20-ish when I started questioning my sexuality. I thought I was bi at first, eventually I realized I only wanted to date women. Meeting certain women and developing feelings for them helped me to put things in perspective.
    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?
    I think people are born with a predisposition to it. They may discover it when they are young or later in life. With all the pressure to be straight, it's not surprising.
    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?
    Men are people too, just not the people I'm interested in dating. Not sure I understand the second question.
    4- What do you find attractive in a woman?
    A lot of things. Female body is beautiful. Her voice, her smell, how she smiles, various personality traits, etc.
    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?
    I don't, that's the problem lol. Sometimes I have crushes on pretty straight women, fortunately nothing serious. I find non straight women more fascinating because there is a chance they might like me back.
    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)
    Sadly I've never kissed a woman, so I can't compare. I guess, if you really like someone the sparks will fly.
    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel?
    ...
    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react?
    No, they don't know and as much as I wish I could tell them, I probably won't for a long time. They're not accepting of homosexuality.
    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)
    Scared at first, I kept clinging to the idea that I was bisexual who prefered women, but for a long time I kind of knew it wasn't true. Eventually I had to admit to myself that I couldn't see myself in a relationship with a man. Once I accepted it I felt relieved.
    10- How was your first relationship with a girl?
    The closest I got to a relationship with a woman were some friendly dates and it didn't go anywhere. I'm sure it would have been amazing if the feelings were mutual.
    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl?
    Some do, some don't. I personally don't see myself as either, I want it to be equal.
    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it?
    It can be awkward when people start discussing the opposite sex and especially when you don't know how they feel about gay people. For that reason I would prefer the company of other gay people. Of course, most people I encounter in my daily life are straight.
     
    #3 thekillingmoon, May 5, 2014
    Last edited: May 5, 2014
  4. MyLittleWorld

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew? I always liked guys so I didn't knew. I had my first bf when I was 14 y/o. When I was 16 I started to understand that I don't want to do anything with guys sexually and I always checked out girls. When I was little I had female crushes, I didn't even knew that.. Long story short, no I didn't knew.
    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case? Ofcourse I'm.
    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women? I always liked guys more than girls for friendship.
    4- What do you find attractive in a woman? Eyes, voice, PERSONALITY... everything.
    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman? I don't have a gaydar. No, I never had.
    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD) Actually, yeah, I "feel it" with girls only. Not a stupid question rly.
    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel? It was different and I felt alive. It felt amazing. Sorry, can't describe it.
    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react? They don't know.
    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD) Still a bit ashamed, scared, worried.. I have these days when I'm proud and confident.. It's not easy.
    10- How was your first relationship with a girl? I will pass this one.
    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl? Yeah I'm.
    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it? I don't think so..
     
  5. CharlsOn

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    1. No idea. Still thinking bout the moment when I realized I'm one. Have no idea when that was. I think it was a process. Nope, I didn't always know. When I was younger I've never heard bout a thing called 'homosexuality'.
    2. I think I was always this way. I've never been that into boys but always said so.
    3. Men are not my type. I don't really know why.
    4. Her eyes! Personality, body....
    5. My gaydar is not-existent. Not really but almost. I've had a huge crush on a close friens which is straight.
    8. My mom and my dad know. I just told them spontaneousley without any plan and I felt as I would have a heart attack. And they were ok with it.
    9. Very ashamed and worried. I did deny it but I knew it. Today I'm sometimes proud but most of the time I just say to myself 'yep, I'm that' and yea, I don't understand why the whole world is discussing this problems. We're humans, or not? But sometimes I feel a bit unsure
    12. Yea sometimes. When my friends start talking bout boys and boyfriends...that stuff. They don't know it.

    And I think it's great that you're writing a story with lesbians!!!:grin:
     
  6. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    1.
    I didn't always know, but there were clues when I were a child. For example, when I was 8, I had a "crush" on a female singer and kept asking my mom if I could kiss her without understanding what it meant lol
    Fast forward to preteens and early teens. I believed I was straight because I was raised in straight culture. Girls just liked boys and you didn't question it. When I was 14, I realized I had a female crush and believed myself to be bi. I didn't accept I was fully lesbian until I was 19. But all the crushes I had on men were men that looked like women (Most of the time, those 'bishie' anime characters and not real men) and I was disgusted by the idea of straight sex (still am), which is how I finally was able to accept that my "feelings" for men were no different than a straight girl's platonic feelings for women.

    2.
    I believe that It's innate for a lot of people, but because of the pressure to be straight some people deny it or don't know until later in life. Other people just have a fluid sexuality. I believe I was always this way, since clues in my childhood point to it. My mom wasn't even surprised when I came out at 14.

    3.
    I'm fine with men, I just feel weirded out by the idea of dating one or doing anything sexual with one.

    4.
    I guess feminine features. Facial features, soft hands, light voices, and curves. Emotionally, I feel more comfortable around women because we can understand each other a bit more, and they tend to be more emotionally involved with things (Of course, everything has exceptions).

    5.
    You can't. It's hard to tell with looks because lesbians can look really feminine and straight girls can look boyish. There isn't really a lesbian way to look or act, you only know when someone says they're interested in women. As for falling for straight girls, yes I have, and It's common. But generally nothing can come from it, so you move on eventually (and a good friend doesn't hold your crush against you :slight_smile: )

    6-7.
    I've never kissed anyone of either gender. It depends on the person, but a lot of people tell me that kissing girls is a bit "softer".

    8.
    I came out to my mom at 14, and dad at 20. I remember I was ashamed of myself, but my mom reacted well, which I assumed she would. I've always known her to be a LGBT activist, and she would always yell at me when I said anything homophobic in the past (Back when I was in denial and convinced myself it was wrong). My dad had a similar reaction. I think most people cry when they come out, but it also lifts a weight off your shoulder. However, not all parents are as accepting and it can be hard to come out for some people.

    9.
    Ummm....I think I was scared at first because I thought it was abnormal. I wouldn't want to be straight now, but I still feel feelings of shame because our society is still so heterosexist.

    10.
    I never had a real life relationship, only long distance. They honestly were terrible, and left me with a bad impression on relationships. Some people have more positive experiences though.

    11.
    No, I wouldn't say "most". That's more of a stereotype. In general, gay couples don't have rigid gender or sex roles like straight couples do. However, some lesbians are more dominant or more "butchy" than their girlfriends, but that's usually due to it being a natural trait and not one to fit a relationship role. You can have two femmes and two butches in a relationship too.

    12.
    I'm not sure. I think It's just harder to be gay in a straight environment, especially if you're not out. I generally prefer the company of other LGBT people since It's easier to relate in a conversation.
     
  7. nikidion

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew?
    I knew when I was 12-16, depending on what you define as knowing.

    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?
    There's nothing hard about this. Sexuality is innate. Welcome to the wonderful world of modern science and common sense.

    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?
    Certainly not. I could never be as close to a male friend as I am to my female friends - men aren't for me what women are for straight women. Men are just men. Sometimes they're cool people and we hang out. Sometimes we are close, but never as close as I'm with other women.

    4- What do you find attractive in a woman?
    Personality first and foremost. Their characters, ways of life, style. Voice, smile, hair, hands, bodies. Common interests, honesty, openness, creativity, ambition.

    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?
    I have never fallen in love with a straight woman. How I know - from the way they talk, things they say, how they look, how they act. If you talk to people, you can easily find out everything about them.

    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)
    Don't assume that all lesbians go around kissing men.

    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel?
    I felt disappointed, because there's this idea about first kisses being awesome and memorable, and mine was just average. Then I found out it's the same for majority of people. First times suck. We don't expect first bike rides to be awesome, or first anything really. The more you kiss, the better it gets.

    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)
    Proud, back then and still.

    10- How was your first relationship with a girl?
    Good.

    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl?
    Sorry but that's a stupid question. Same sex couples aren't trying to pretend that they're straight couples.

    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it?
    Of course it affects my environment. Straight people have filled the world with straight things, so I am trying to look out for gay things and surround myself with them. Meaning movies, books, events, people, places, etc.
     
  8. ChainsrGone

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew?
    I always felt different growing up, but could not pin point it until about 5 years ago. I am not sure how to explain how I know that I'm a lesbian...it's just my sexual orientation. I am human first ;-)
    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?
    In my personal opinion, it's just who I am. I didn't choose to be this way, I can't change who I am. I just am.
    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?
    I have a lot of guy friends. But there is no sexual tension which is great because they are just average every day friends...so I guess yes, they are a lot like what girls are for straight women.
    4- What do you find attractive in a woman?
    Someone who speaks her mind and does not let anyone else tell her who she should be. A woman who is passionate about things. (i.e. my wife is passionate about working with visually impaired children)
    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?
    For me, women are harder to use gaydar on then men, but I can pick up on little things such as a story in their eyes, they way they talk to me (especially if they know I am a lesbian). No, I've never fallen in love with a straight woman.
    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)
    Well I've never kissed a boy so I'm unsure about comparing to that, but I know that it's very sensual and intimate.
    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel?
    My first kiss was with my current wife. We had been wanting to kiss for months (we had been dating for about 3 months at this time) but were too nervous and shy about it. Finally one day, we just did it. It was quick and kind of silly, but at the same time it was so freeing and opened up new doors for us...for trust, comfort, love...
    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react?
    The family that matters to me know. And they are all very wonderfully supportive of me. Those who were able to came to my wedding and it was great having so much support. I just talked to them, upfront and honestly about it. Most of them said they knew long before and I told them I wish they had told me lol.
    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)
    I was unsure at first, but the more I accepted it, the more relieved I felt. Everything from my past started making sense, feelings I felt at that time made sense, and it helped me come into terms with who I was instead of what my parents tried to make me be. I am very proud of who I am now, and am glad to be able to help others through their struggles of coming into acceptance of who they are.
    10- How was your first relationship with a girl?
    Awkward lol It did not last long because we just didn't jive as a relationship, but we are still friends.
    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl?
    I think this is more of a stereotype. Yes there are relationships like that, but I don't believe there is a "cookie cutter" for a lesbian relationship. If anything, they are more equal than a man/woman relationship. My wife and I communicate about everything, small and big, and we both have equal say on how our household is run. Of course, that could just be us, but I doubt it.
    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it?
    Of course it does. At home it's no different than any other relationship, but outside of the home it is everything. My wife and I walk hand in hand and get all sorts of looks from people around us. We ignore them, but we know they are there. We've been chastised by others, we've been cursed at, we've been preached at. Funny thing is, we both go to a church that is very accepting of us. We had our wedding there! The congregation knows that the church accepts all people irregardless of sexual orientation and are fine with it. but then there is my work environment where my coworkers all know, but some of the parents of the children I teach do not. I have never lied nor hidden my lifestyle, but I don't bring it up unless I am asked about it. I have been kicked out of a church before because they felt that I would abuse children just because I was a lesbian. So that is always in the back of my head, although the few parents who do know have been very accepting of it because they know how I am with their children, and their children love me.
     
  9. fruitlapassion

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    First of all, thanks to all of you for answering! It really does help understanding! The fact that some of you aren't free to just show who you are without anybody saying anything is sad. But I think the day will come when people don't just assume everybody's straight, so things like "coming out" wouldn't be necessary. I'm too much of a dreamer, I know. But still I say it's possible.

    1- May I ask what kind of feelings?
    2- Why? Does current society makes you feel like that?
    3- You're not alone, ha ha!
    4- No, never choose other's people happiness over yours. Anyway, do you think your mom would be happy if you were miserable? No one wishes that for their daughter :slight_smile: I give you my support!

    1- Why?
    2- Wow. Do you know that just three words of yours inspired me? "I felt alive". Thank you for that.
    3- Are you scared to tell them?

    1- You have nothing to feel unsure of :slight_smile:
    2- Well, why not? xD I'm really excited about doing it!! And your answers just make me even more excited about developping their story! I really want them to be profound, to become "real" for me, the writer. People is people, no matter what is their sexuality. So I don't think it's fair to write exclusively about heterosexual people. And I don't know, there's something about the idea of lesbianism I find profoundly sweet. I can't explain .-.

    1- hahahahaha this made me laugh xD
    2- I'm sorry, I don't fully understand what you mean.
    3- That's very true. But one day it will change, I'm sure. I hope.

    1- Let's say, when did you confirm your suspicions?
    2- It's a wonderful world, indeed.
    3- May I ask how do they talk, act or look? Is it something you can define or kind of a feeling/impression?
    4- Well, I didn't thought it would be uncommon. But you're right, I'm going to rephrase....Huuuh...How do I edit?
    5- Now I don't expect very much of my first kiss haha.
    6- Considering that the closer I've been to an homosexual woman is TV, it's not weird I'm asking this. I'm fully aware these are stereotypes, but stereotypes do base themselves on something. I don't think people just decided it would be like that. Of course, stereotypes are overly exaggerated, and people can get the wrong impression. I'm just killing the myth, you know?

    1- Oh, It doesn't matter. You already answered :grin:
    2- That's sad to hear. How does that makes you feel? (god, don't I sound like a psychologue? haha) I wish you all of lucks if you decide to come out someday.

    1- Well of course c:
    2- How do you do that? .-.
    3- It may have been a little silly, but you'll never forget it :grin:
    4- hahahahaha indeed.
    5- I doubt it too.
    6- This. This must stop.

    Side note: I admire you for being so brave and doing what you want no matter what people thinks!
     
    #9 fruitlapassion, May 5, 2014
    Last edited: May 5, 2014
  10. wandergirl

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew?
    In a way i knew it from when i was 10-12, but i hid it from myself till age 21, when i couldn't hide it anymore.

    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?
    I think you are. psychoanalytically saying, the kind of relationship you have with your parents and other gender role models in early ages can interfere in that.

    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?
    I don't get on well with men, but i can still find them handsome and hot. just not attracted to them.

    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?
    I'm very bad at this gaydar thing. Yes.

    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"?
    I've kissed many guys, but for me it's just a way to keep my mouth busy. with a girl i usually don't wanna leave her lips, it's addictive.

    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel?
    amazing. it felt right. i didnt want anything else in life, just her.

    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react?
    No they don't.

    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)
    took me a long time to accept i couldn't live anymore being straight. at a certain point, when i was totally sure, i was like: okay, not i gotta deal with it.
     
  11. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I mean, I would always have some sort of "feeling" directed toward men, but I always had a sexual repulsion toward them. I thought it was normal, but when I grew older I realized it wasn't common to "like" men without being sexually or romantically interested. That's when I realized my feelings were just a friendly thing.
     
  12. CharlieHK

    CharlieHK Guest

    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew?

    From about 14 up I knew at the very least I liked females.

    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?

    You are always one, but you may not figure it out until much later.

    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?

    They sorta are just deeper voiced hairier versions of females, so yeah I guess.

    4- What do you find attractive in a woman?

    Personality, they seem much more matured at a younger age and much better at communicating their emotions.

    Also a nice ass doesn't hurt.

    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?

    No one's "gaydar" is perfect, I've crushed on some straight celebrities though. I mean if I get a wink from an attractive female I might come over there "like hey girl".

    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)

    I've never kissed a boy, but my first kiss with my girlfriend made my stomach float.

    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel?

    I was scared t be honest, but lips are lips.

    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react?

    Not all my family. My mother was like "eh, I sorta had my suspicions".

    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)

    First thought "this explains my porn search history"

    10- How was your first relationship with a girl?

    Very slow, (I like it slow) hell we haven't even done the do and we've been together 19 months.

    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl?

    I'm so masculine I'm surprised I haven't developed a penis yet. She is super femme, loves skirts cooking. I like getting dirty, wearing jeans, weight lifting.

    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it?

    I'm pretty much in the closet so I don't think it hurts my environment too much.
     
  13. FirefighterErin

    Regular Member

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    Out to everyone
    1. I grew up in a Christian home that went to church at least three days a week for most of my life and even went to a Christian private school. So when I was younger, I "knew" that I was suppose to grow up and marry a gentleman and have a family. The only issue is that I wasn't particularly interested in guys at all. Growing up, boys were nothing but someone to play battle with but I never took notice of any attraction with girls (it was something that was just weird to me). As a teenager I found that I was much more comfortable with girls and started to sense a slight attraction, but immediately began resisting it. I wouldn't even look a girl that I would even feel a tingle of attraction towards. Overtime, I started to notice that there was zero attraction to guys and that I had a lot of repressed feelings of attraction to women. However, I still resisted it because I was very active in church and figured that one day, the special man that God created for me would enter into my life and the problem would solve itself. It never did, so I eventually had to be honest with myself and admit that I had very strong feelings for other women. Took the better part of a decade to come to terms with, and had to sacrifice a lot of my dreams for the sake of honesty, but I am hopeful that it will be worth it in the end.

    2. I absolutely believe that you are born with a sexual predisposition with a a lesser degree of influence from environment. I personally tried very hard to be straight, and desperately wanted to be straight, but well that isn't the case. No matter what, you are who you are. It's just a matter of when you come to terms with reality and learn to love yourself for who you are.

    3. I can appreciate the features of men from their physique to personality. However, I'm just not sexually attracted to them....At all.

    4. I am initially attracted to smiles, eyes and confident personalities. As I get to know people I become very attracted to intelligence, and women that are just beautiful inside and out. Details that drive me wild include the smell and softness of their skin, combing my hand through their hair and the warmth of a women when she has wrapped her arms around me. Women are just naturally comforting to me, and I am just much more open and relaxed with women than I have ever been with a man.

    5. It's actually very tricky for me unless they fall into a stereotype or someway advertise their orientation. Especially when it comes to femmes and women that fall in between the masculine and feminine labels.

    6. I have found that guys who are confident really try to take the lead on kissing and are much more aggressive and have less attention to detail. Women I enjoy how it can be one half leading and then it might switch from person to person on who is more passive. I feel women are naturally more passionate emotionally and it shows in kissing. I also think women's lips feel softer and over all taste better.

    7. The build up to actually kissing was absolute torture. I felt like a nervous wreck and was actually kind of fidgety. Then when the moment finally came when our lips touched it was nothing short of exhilarating. It was like a rush that swept over me all the way to the tips of my fingers. It felt so completely natural and the nervousness just washed away.

    8. Yes, my family knows. They are still working on figuring out how comfortable they are with it, but they have been trying very hard to be supportive of me. I initially confessed to my sister, who I thought would be a little more open minded because she wasn't as radical as a lot of my family. She wasn't freaked out, but she did drop a hint to my parents. It more or less came up in a conversation in the car and I confessed that it was a secret that I had been struggling with for years. I then broke down crying (which is something I never do) and told them about the measures I tried to use to resist my sexuality. I think they were initially felt shocked but also sympathy because they saw how much I struggled with it. Today, they kind of joke with me about it, and are still trying to feel everything out. They have been tremendously better than I could have ever dreamt, because I was expecting the apocalypse.

    9. I ignored it, resisted it, denied it, stressed over it, and then slowly came to terms with it.

    10. One word: awkward. Well at least at first because it was so new but felt so natural. Yet I struggled with morality aspect. I was also struggling with the fact that I was in training and working to be a missionary in Brazil. I really wasn't ready to be in a relationship because I wasn't ready to even love myself. I ended up breaking her heart, and that is the one regret I have in life.

    11. A lot of the relationships I have seen with lesbians pretty much covers the entire spectrum.

    12. Yes to a certain degree, but only because a lot of people don't seem to know quite how they feel about me. This particularly took place in my fire station when I came out to the guys I live with a third of my life. At first they were kind of freaked out and weren't quite sure what to do with me. I was completely excluded for several months. Which is hard when you eat, sleep, and work with the same people for twenty four hours at a time. However, once they realized that I wasn't a threat and could be trusted they slowly became more comfortable around me. Now, I am just one of the guys again. It's been a relatively similar story with friends and family. The only thing that drastically changed is that I wasn't going to be able to follow my dream of working with the kids in Brazil. Well, at least not in the way I originally was via being a missionary.
     
  14. itsonlyrelative

    Full Member

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always knew?
    Well I always kind of had a thing for girls, but I wasn’t too sure, it was solidified in my mind when I was 13 and had this crush on my best friend. I realized that I would rather hang out with the guys than date the guys, when I was 17 after dating one of my male friends.

    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?

    I don’t think that there was ever a point in my life were I was ever straight, there was never a decision that I made to become a lesbian or to like girls, this whole process it has always felt like I was only recognizing aspects of myself that have always been there.

    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?

    If you mean by that, that they are often times my best friends then yes. I do not make assumptions about an entire gender, just like I would not want assumptions to be made about all women, but the men that I have incorporated into my life are fabulous (they can all stay out of my bed though).

    4- What do you find attractive in a woman?

    Women are gorgeous, but I particularly find confident women to be extremely attractive. A woman that is comfortable with her body and her personality is amazingly attractive mostly because I also respect that so much and I believe that you need respect in a relationship. I also find ambition extremely attractive, a women’s laugh is a lot more attractive than the male laugh, and women’s curves make them better to cuddle with so how could you not be attracted to them?

    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?
    Unless she tells me or is wearing a rainbow something or other, then I don’t really know…hipsters have made all guessing impossible. <- Kind of a joke, but not really. I don’t assume anyone’s sexuality based on their appearances because of an experience I had when I was first coming out that taught me better and now I just tag (wear a LGBT bracelet or something rainbow) myself when I go places I am comfortable to do so, so that I can meet people halfway.
    Yes I have fallen in love with a straight woman, it hurts a lot. Cliché of the lesbian world: falling for your straight best friend. <- Not entirely inaccurate apparently

    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)
    Well I kissed a boy and it felt like a chore and it was forced. I haven’t kissed a girl on the lips so sorry.

    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react?
    My therapist and a friend from the hospital both know, I have tried on multiple attempts and in multiple forms to tell my mom, but it keeps being botched for various reasons…I’m getting a bit pissy about it.

    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)
    When I realized that, I was a lesbian I took the realization like I take most things, in a very pragmatic, analytical manner. I began to research anything I could find lesbian related to get more information about what it meant to be a lesbian and what lesbians are like and lesbian issues and lesbians in the media. I did this because I have anxiety and when I get anxious, the best way I know how to deal with it is to inform myself, so I educated myself. Once they anxiety of not having all the information washed away, and I knew what my sexuality was more, I was so relieved and happy to have finally figured out why things had felt different for me as compared to my friend’s stories.
    Now, I am totally confident in being a lesbian. To me personally, it is still a big deal because I am still trying to come out to my family, but I don’t think that someone who is a lesbian should be considered “not normal”.
     
  15. Wolf123

    Regular Member

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    #15 Wolf123, May 6, 2014
    Last edited: May 6, 2014
  16. BelleFromHell

    Full Member

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    [​IMG]

    I really want to fill this out, but I don't think it'd make a difference. Plus, I'm lazy...
     
  17. BelleFromHell

    Full Member

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    1- How did you know you were lesbian? Did you always know?
    Well... I never had any interest in boys, but I didn't admit I was gay until age 16.

    2- Do you think one becomes or is? I know this is hard to answer, but what do you think was your case?
    I think sexuality is determined by genetic, biological and environmental factors in early childhood.

    3- What do you think about men? Are they for you what girls are for straight women?
    Pretty much. Some of them make awesome friends.

    4- What do you find attractive in a woman?
    I like woman who are feminine, but don't use too much makeup, and are tomboyish/nerdy as well. (like me) I tend to like women who are taller than me (5'8"+), but my crush is 5'5", so there are exceptions. I also like big boobies, but there are also exceptions to this. A beautiful face and personality can pull off small breasts, which isn't the case for me, unfortunately.

    5- How do you know when a woman's straight or lesbian? Have you fallen in love with a straight woman?
    I DON'T, unless she tells me or makes it obvious. (rainbow accessories, doesn't talk about men, etc...) I've fallen in love with a questioning girl, but I think she's bi.

    6- How different is kissing a girl of a boy? Do you feel like "sparks fly"? (Such an stupid question xD)
    I've never been with a boy... nor a girl...
    [​IMG]

    7- Tell me about the first time you kissed a girl. How did you feel?
    Read the above.

    8- Do you family know? If yes, how did you tell them? How did you feel? How did they react?
    I came out to my god-mother and I asked her to "out" me to my god-cousin. My parents knew before I did. I'm in the closet when it comes to the rest of my family.

    9- When you discovered you were a lesbian, how did feel? Scared? Worried? Ashamed (No offense here)? Relieved? How do you feel now? Proud? Unsure? Confident? Normal? (Kind of; what's the big deal? xD)
    For the most part, I'm still scared, worried and ashamed.

    10- How was your first relationship with a girl?
    Read comment No. 6.

    11- Is it true that most lesbians relationships have a girl that takes the lead (and acts a little boyish)? If yes, are you that girl?
    I certainly hope not. I don't have anything against butch/femme couples, but I don't want them to be our "brand." I'm into tomboy femmes, like myself, so if I get into a relationship, it'll be equal.

    12- Do you feel like your sexuality affects your environnment or that it doesn't have anything to do with it?
    Not sure what you mean by this... I know LGBTQ people are more likely to be victims of discrimination and violence.