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How do you guys make tough calls?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Illus1, May 5, 2014.

  1. Illus1

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    Hi all, just wondering if there were any tips out there when one is facing difficult decisions,
    I'm struggling with a very important career decision and it's just taking the life out of me.

    I've been through a lot in life & I just feel I'm too tired to deal with things(after being an only child parents with financial stress,losing ones parent to cancer at 16 in the middle of the financial depression, having to be the rock for the other one,(who also falls ill) dealing with moral less people who suck your hard earned money away while the justice system discriminates not to mention being buried in the closet due to stigma) , I don't have what it takes to work round the clock anymore and sometimes I feel that the whole world is in on some secret of success that I don't know. It's difficult to explain what kind of decision but imagine being stuck at a crossroad where one is what you really like but is impossibly hard to achieve and the other is a vague option that you don't really like but will save you money and stress in the short run and fits more with your natural abilities.

    Friends say I'm very strong mentally but the truth is i'm NOT, I just internalize everything until my back breaks from the stress (you know that feeling i.e. your invited to a party but don't want to go because of work stress/ your out with friends but can't really be happy because that just isn't something that is meant for you, No vacation in 2.5 years, no full blown far off destination vacation in hotels since 10 years)

    Sorry about being vague, just need tips how you guys break down difficult stressful decisions that keep you awake. Thanks for letting me vent.
     
  2. I'm not sure if this is terribly helpful, but when I need to make a really big life decision I do two things:

    First, I consider my options. Each one will have downsides, each one will have upsides. Most are manageable, it's really a matter of what you can live with. For example, I have decided to take on a mountain of school debt to go to graduate school because then I can spend my life doing what I am passionate about. I can live with that. I can't live with the knowledge that I could have done what I love doing, but decided not to even try.

    Second, in order to take some of the stress and anxiety out of the situation of major decision-making, I consider all of the problems in my life at the current moment. If the problem is something I will remember in five years time, something needs to be done. I'll then take that problem to step one and reassess what is most important to me. If the problem is something I'm likely to forget about in five years time, I try to let go of my stress about it because it doesn't really matter much at all.

    It also helps to separate big decisions from anything that I can't do anything about. If there are stressful issues in my life that I cannot change, then I will focus as hard as I can on the ones I am able to change in order to better myself and my life situation as best I can.

    Good luck with your 'tough calls', hope things get easier for you :slight_smile:
     
  3. bingostring

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    Dreamwatch has some very good suggestions.

    I usually list "plus points" and "minus points" on each decision. Doesn't always work so simply but seeing it on paper often helps.

    And talking it over with someone else is a must. You will be amazed how other people will help make you see something clearly you hadn't realised

    if its all too much, a therapist can help immensely ...
     
  4. Lexington

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    I recognize that pretty much every decision I make - even the life-altering ones - is survivable. Even if the option-not-chosen ended up being the "better" one. Would my life be better now had I NOT taken that first job that came my way? Perhaps. But we don't get the What-If Machine to show us one way or the other. All I know is that my life is fine NOW, so I don't get hung up on what-ifs.

    Lex
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    I take myself away to a quiet place for an hour and mull over the pro's and con's (often I'll write them down to bring a bit of order to things). There are very few occassions when I've had to make a tough call in the same day, so I don't. I like to 'sleep on it' - for me that's really important.
     
  6. Holdingb

    Holdingb Guest

    I think of every possible outcome if I choose option A with all the pros and cons and way on whether or not it's worth it, and then do the same with option B. God forbid there's an option C, if there is choice C you are way in over your head D: