So I've got this three-year and ongoing crush on this one girl who I used to work with. I pretty much fell for her at first sight but never told her because she had a boyfriend (which was brought up by her mother who I also work with rather then her) so I kept my distance to avoid getting hurt. The problem is we've gotten close and she never really talks about her boyfriend when she's with me. It's been a while since her or her mom mentioned this boy and I cant help feeling that she's flirting with me. When we worked together we talked a lot and she would occasionally touch my arm or shoulder or poke me in the stomach. Once she even took me by the hand to lead me to the break room to show me something (which was awed by some co-workers and I'm sure I turned red when they saw us come in hand in hand) I trust her enough to tell her things I haven't told my other friends, she's a really great girl with an amazing heart. She's so kind and has one of the sexiest laughs I've ever heard. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I really liked this girl, but I have no idea what to do now? She's the only girl I've ever had feelings for. We go to separate colleges and hang out together on holidays. Usually we get something to eat or see a movie. It's always so easy to talk to her that it almost feels effortless. The thing is that sometimes I'll feel like I've gotten over my crush and then I'll go to sleep at night and she'll haunt me in my dreams until she is the only thing I can think about at night. I don't know if I should tell her who I feel or even how to tell her. I still work with her mom so I feel like it might be really awkward if she tells her mom that I made a move on her. I can't imagine losing her as a friend so I'm terrified of saying anything to her. I have no idea what to do or how to do it? Help?
Hi Ebony, Is there any indication that she is accepting of gay people? It sounds like you spend a fair bit of time together and talk a lot. Would talking about sexuality be a big stretch from other things you've talked about? It seems like you've got 4 main choices. 1. Leave well enough alone. 2. Tell her that that you are a lesbian / gay / bi / "like girls as well as guys" (leaving out the part about being infatuated with her). 3. Try dating other girls that you know have same sex attractions. You don't have to start a relationship with the first girl you go on a date with. It might also be a good way to get the conversation started with your "friend". 4. Tell her that you're infatuated with her - which includes a risk (only you know how large) of scaring her a at least a little bit. I understand that all the choices are a bit scary. By the way, I'm a gay dude, so I could be completely wrong in all respects, but maybe they're just worth turning over in your mind at least.
Honestly we've never really talked about sexuality before. Usually our topics of conversation include school or work. I guess a good place to start would be to see where she stands as far as different sexualities. I'm not sure how to go about starting a conversation about that. I would probably try to approach it in a light-hearted way? The only thing about outright telling her I'm gay/bi/whatever is that I'm not sure what I am because I don't have a lot of experience dating. I'd rather tell her I'm not sure what I am since that's the most true statement as of right now. I might go about that saying that I'm not opposed to dating girls. I think it may be just a matter of steering a conversation the right way.
Yes, light-hearted, truth, honesty, all good things Just try to be patient, the conversation segue will often appear without forcing it too much.
Since she is your first "female interest", I'm assuming that she and others do not know that you may not be entirely "straight". You might want to figure out what her thoughts are, regarding sexuality and the LGBT community before considering doing anything else. But also, if she has a boyfriend (especially one that she's been with for so long), it isn't worth it to say anything to her. It may NOT end badly, BUT nothing will happen between the two of you if she is happily committed to this guy. I've had my share of crushes on friends. But, when I find out they are seeing someone, I try to ignore those feelings. You wouldn't want to end up being further hurt, or losing your friend for good. I get what you mean about the crush coming back. It happens!! It's tough! :dry: BUT a bit of distance is the best cure EVER. I swear. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder
[/QUOTE] Since she is your first "female interest", I'm assuming that she and others do not know that you may not be entirely "straight". You might want to figure out what her thoughts are, regarding sexuality and the LGBT community before considering doing anything else. But also, if she has a boyfriend (especially one that she's been with for so long), it isn't worth it to say anything to her. It may NOT end badly, BUT nothing will happen between the two of you if she is happily committed to this guy. I've had my share of crushes on friends. But, when I find out they are seeing someone, I try to ignore those feelings. You wouldn't want to end up being further hurt, or losing your friend for good. I get what you mean about the crush coming back. It happens!! It's tough! :dry: BUT a bit of distance is the best cure EVER. I swear. Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder [/QUOTE] That's true, I guess the first thing to address would be how she feels about the LGBT community. Second only to if she still has a boyfriend. It's always so hard to tell with her because she's not one of those girls that talks about her relationship status and I feel weird bringing it up. I've tried to put some distance between us at first when I heard she had a boyfriend, the problem was I found out that he got in trouble with the law and I instantly felt like she could do better, even if it wasn't me I didn't want to lose to him. Lately she's been contacting me more which makes it harder to put distance between us. It feels like the last could of times we've text each other she's been the first to start a conversation, in the past it's mostly been me to start talking to her.
I am sorry for the position you are in. I can understand how difficult it is to be around someone you like. I have been in the same situation and it sucks. I have also tried putting distance between people I have liked and it seemed to help, yet there are always the ones who get annoyed that you don't talk to them. I think everyone has pretty much said what I believe should be done. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone and however it works out it will be okay. Best of Luck!
