I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, feel free to move it. I am so tired of the rollercoaster ride. Happy and hopeful, then sad and depressed, then hopeful again. I want it to all just go away. I have had a crush on him for so long. I had always thought I was a little too obvious about it, but he didn't seem to react negatively. Well he and I became friends lately. We talk almost every day and he asks me to go eat or to the movies all the time, just me and him. Of course there have been signs of him possibly showing interest. But nothing that was really obvious, and I could have been seeing what I wanted to see. I am not out so I can't ask him. We absolutely never talk about girls. But recently in a group of people, the subject came up and he admitted to hanging out with a couple different girls recently hoping to hook up with them. Ok fine he is straight, whatever. I am sad. I'm used to this. I also know that next week I'll find some reason to have hope again. I don't want to end the friendship. But how can I completely give up on the hopes of a relationship and stop crushing on him? If there is anyone I could talk with privately about this, that might help too. I am just so stressed about it and no one I know would understand.
Wanting to hook up with a girl doesn't always mean a guy is straight. Have you thought about coming out to him? You could even just say you're questioning. That would be the best choice as he would know where you stand, and hopefully he would respond and be clear on his own sexuality. To get over the crush, you need to really convince yourself that this guy is straight and not at all interested in you. Personally, I can't maintain crushes for straight guys. One trick is to check if you're idealizing this guy. Look more closely on his flaws that help bring him to appear just like any other straight guy. You may also have to put some distance and not always be eager to hang out with him. However, this can be self-destructive if he gets upset by this and thinks you don't like him anymore. That's why coming out is important in the long-run.
I don't want to build your hopes up too much, but he could just be playing up attraction to women for the benefit of that group. I had a crush on a straight girl (who I'm not entirely convinced is straight) and I had to get over her while seeing her regularly (coworker). So things fizzled out but I always am self-conscious when we get drunk that I might be getting a little touchy. Oops... anyways she has a right to define herself or not, and unless a lot of factors change, I'm not going to pursue that.
Yeah, I think the best idea is to come out to him and see what he says. If he tells you he's straight after that, then yeah, you have to move on. If you're really not ready to come out, the other option is to get closer to him or get more touchy and see how he responds. But this could get you more attached to him and make you sadder I hope it turns out ok. Let us know how it goes. (*hug*)
The best way that I've gotten over crushes is to replace them with other crushes. Okay, so it's not the healthiest way, but it's one of the fastest. If you go looking for someone else to crush on, even some movie star or whatever, eventually, you might get over this guy. Personally, if you're an emotionally stable guy, celebrity crushes are less likely to make you depressed, since you know going in that it's fruitless.
Hey, thanks for taking the time to read and respond. So glad to get this off my chest. The thing is, I'm not ready to trust him with secrets just yet. As much as we talk, I don’t know how trustworthy he is yet. But I guess you guys are right, I will have to tell him eventually or else the friendship will never feel close at all. I could get more touchy, but I have noticed he is touchy/flirty with other friends, so I don't know if that would tell me much. Doesn't it make him more likely to be straight if he so openly joke-flirts with guys? What if I just asked him about his interest in these girls? Without the pressures of the group maybe I would get an honest answer? I just don't understand why he wants to hang out with me so much compared to his other friends. There are other people he is much closer to. It doesn't make any sense to me. If I could just know for sure that he isn't interested, I could easily let go and see him for the friend he is, but this may not be possible. Well that turned in to a random rant! As you can see there are so many thoughts going through my head.
Honestly you could ask him about his crushes, but you have to be prepared to hear the question back, and the fact he is always wanting to hang out with you in an intimate setting may be the best clue, no promises but he might feel the same way about you.
Yeah. I'll have to somehow act noncommittal if a crush question comes up. I'd rather just ask him specifically about girls. If he says the same sorts of things he was saying in front of the other people then I think that will be enough for me. Not sure how to word it yet though. Like I said, we don't really talk about girls.
Well, he openly jokes about guys being hot all the time around other guys (and they do likewise, it isn't something only he does). So I'm sure he would just go along with it. What would it accomplish though? It wouldn't prove he likes guys.
I cant seem to get anywhere with this. Every time I think I am over it, we get together and get a little more touchy. It doesn't really feel "playful". This last time was NOT subtle at ALL, but we talked like nothing was going on. Now I can't get him out of my head. Still, I'm pretty sure he is straight. I have been too afraid to ask him about girls, but he did mention at one point that he met a girl and started texting her a lot. :bang:
You need to stop acting like nothing is going on, and maybe he doesn't want to push things. It's unfair for you to keep things bottled up. If you've been so close (going out one-on-one), then you should think about coming out to him. You could try seeing what are his opinions of gay rights first.
