Ever since my Mum told my Dad I'm gay (both in denial, Mum claims she's being realistic by saying it could "change" by then) I feel the same way I feel around my Dad : threatened and/or intimidated. She says she's just "dismissing" it and sees nothing wrong with that. She's not a bad Mother, I just feel really estranged from her lately. I don't even want to talk to her about it, because she'll just say that if I knew something was up for my kid for a year, I would need to tell Dad lest he think she was disloyal. I can't find it in myself to forgive her for that, and I am not a very forgiving person. Should I?
It feels wrong to forgive if you aren't familiar with it, because the person doesn't "deserve" not to be a victim of your ill feelings. But resentment does nothing to hurt them or help you; it only burns like an unchecked ember, slowly destroying you. It feels far better to let it go than to hold on, get into a bad mood every time you deal with them, and hope they get their just desserts. The best revenge is a life well-lived, and that starts with allowing yourself peace.
Forgiving someone isn't for their benefit, it's for yours. Hating someone is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. If you forgive, you let go of emotions holding you back from being whole. I am working on forgiving my family right now and it's hard, but it's also therapeutic.
And what am I going to gain from that? She will just side with him everytime he brings up the "gay" subject and shows no sign of support from ne when that happens.
Sounds like you have a lot of "elephants" in the room and no one wants to bring them up. The ONLY way I know of to remedy this situation is through communication. If verbal won't work try written communication. I know it might sound childish to pass notes to your parents, but if it's the only way you can get them to listen to you and hear you out then it might have to be the way you and your parents "talk" to one another....at least for now. Either way the best advice I can give is to be completely honest with both of them about how you feel about the current situation and how you would like to see it resolved.
