I'm in need of them since I have to fap a lot because of my phoenix sex drive. Anyway, I live in a very conservative house, and I am myself. I believe heavily in Jesus, and he created me to be a lesbian. He also created me to have a very high sex drive to please my future wife. The point is, my dad is against homosexuality and masturbation. He knows I;m a lesbian, but (Thank goodness) doesn't know I masturbate. I got some sex toys online and I am not sure what to say if he asks whats inside. I am 18, so I got them LEGALLY. But how do I tell him? And also, how do I keep them hidden from him? He may send me to counseling to "rewire" my system so I don't masturbate. He is a counselor at the church too so I don't want to face him on the issue.
Any counselor he could send you to who is worth anything at their job would know that masturbation is a healthy, normal part of life that you shouldn't be ashamed of, your belief in Jesus notwithstanding. But honestly, it's none of your dad's business what you do with your body in the privacy of your own bedroom. I wouldn't mention anything to him, and if he asks what's in the box, that's incredibly nosy of him, and you don't have to be honest in that situation. I'm not one to advocate for lying, but it's really not hurting anyone in that case, and if it keeps the peace between you and your dad, telling him it's a book or something really isn't a big deal.
He does ask whats in a package a lot of the time. The last time I got stuff in the mail (it was rainbow stuff) he kept asking for more information. He asked what was in it I said knick backs What kind? Fun stuff? Like what? Just stuff Like what? Rainbows. Do they mean anything? … You get the point. He frowns on it and I am scared he will find out. What should I do?
you can always just say 'i cant remember what i ordered' also, not too sure how your parents will ever find out you masturbate..... unless you tell them... or you do it at time you think youre going to get caught i.e if they arent in bed sleeping so might walk in your room. you could hide them under your bed in a box with some books on top? so it just looks like a box of books... or in your underwear drawer cuz your parents shouldnt be going through your drawers now youre an adult. p.s - i also have intrusive parents still..... despite my age. you name it, ive ordered it online. once i ordered condoms.... my parents were like whats this when the package came. i just said i couldnt rememebr what i ordered and put it in my drawer to open later and used the excuse not to open it and let them see so said i was 'tidying my room'.
Part of me wants to say if he really wants to know what it is, look him dead in the eye and say "I bought a butt plug." But I realise that is fairly antognistic and not necessarily advisable...but seriously if he's not going to permit you a private life why go out of your way to make his snooping more comfortable. If he doesn't want to think of his daughter as a highly sexual person who masturbates then the moron should be snooping around in your private business...
You may want to consider getting a P.O. box from the post office. You can rent them out, and have packages sent to them. All you have to do is pick them up from the post office. The only other option is to try and sneak the packages into your house, or have a friend agree to have your packages sent to them, and they give them to you.
hmmm… Sounds like a good idea. I don't think I should tell him Jesus told me to get them XD. Well, I could tell him that its a few knickknacks. Otherwise, I'm really unsure. He walks in a lot to check on me. So, thats a concern. And I don't have a lock on it either. I'm not allowed to have a lock on my door.
I have to say the answer to just about every question/post you've asked is "Have a conversation with your parents, explain that you're an adult and you are entitled to your privacy and to have your privacy respected." I don't mean that to be flippant or harsh... it's just that really, almost every single post and thread you've made is "how do I deal with my parents about _________________" and in just about every case I've seen, ______________________ is some sort of boundary violation or lack of respect for your privacy or ability to make your own decisions. I think if you globally address that with your parents -- have a sit-down conversation and explain that you are an adult, need to be treated like one, which includes respecting your privacy, your dress, your sexual orientation, and how you live your life -- that you'll be able to actually solve *all* of the issues that are coming up rather than just addressing little piecemeal issues one at a time.
you're right. I do have a lot of concerns about my parents and stuff at home, but the thing is I feel uncomfortable with sitting down with them on the issue. We talked about stuff at my place yesterday, and well, nothing much was accomplished. I can't wear rainbow, I was told to change my wardrobe and that I don't need a lock. It is mentioned often, and nothing gets accomplished. Its so frustrating Chip. It really is. Especailly as new things arise as I explore myself.
Right, well then disobey. Do what you want regardless. They have a handful of options to this. 1. Let you get on with it, you're an adult. 2. Complain more. In which case ignore it more. If your dad walks in on you masturbating because he won't allow you privacy then that is his problem. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to carry on doing it in front of him but I AM going to tell you that if it happens you need to make sure it comes across that it's fine and you are in NO WAY ashamed about it. 3. He can get physical. In which case you can get help 'cause it's illegal. 4. He can throw you out.
First you say you need sex toys, but then you say you already got sex toys online? Have they arrived yet? Did you buy them from Amazon or from an online store that promises to use an unmarked box? I mean as long as it doesn't say "sex toy" anywhere on the box you can say whatever you want is in there. A father shouldn't be snooping into what an adult daughter is buying with her own money. And teenagers begin masturbating long before 18 any way, they should be afforded a certain degree of privacy. It is delusional for a parent to think an 18-year-old daughter or son has never masturbated, but parents like to think their children are oh-so-pure and innocent. Especially in father-daughter relationships. I would find it hard to believe that a grown man like your father has never masturbated himself, even if he thinks it is a sin. I was a strict Catholic as a young teen, of course it is very difficult to be both since hormones are raging and compelling you to do things that are 'sinful'. I remember around age 13, every time I masturbated, after I'd finished I'd be filled with guilt and shame and would get down on my knees and pray the Act of Contrition (a Catholic prayer for forgiveness from God). I'm glad I ended up waking up and abandoning Catholicism because otherwise the guilt and shame of masturbating- and then adding homosexual acts on top of that- probably would have made me suicidal. The Catholic Church in particular declares masturbation to be a "grave moral disorder" (along with homosexuals being "intrinsically disordered"), but I didn't think Protestant churches were opposed to masturbation too. Is masturbation being a sin something your Baptist church has actually preached, or is it just your father's opinion? Anyway I ordered a sex toy via Amazon, it came in a standard Amazon box. I happened to have ordered it while my parents were on vacation, but if they were here I'd just say it was a book and that would probably have been the end of it. It helps that I've ordered a lot of things from Amazon over the years going back to since I was 13 (now I even have an Amazon Visa), so me getting a package in the mail doesn't even raise an eyebrow. Do you get a lot of packages in the mail or is it a rare occurrence? Anyway, if your father is so inquisitive about what you are receiving, just make sure you have your story straight ahead of time about what it is you've 'ordered' so you can answer all his questions with ease rather than seem like you're lying.
It's always a challenge to set boundaries for people who have none. They get angry, try to control, play all sorts of games. A (very mature) friend of mine, as he was finishing high school and becoming independent, had a lot of run-ins with his mother who was a very controlling type. She'd threaten things like "Well, if you don't do _________________, I'll stop paying for your cell phone" or "Well, if you don't do ____________, I won't pay for your car insurance" and finally "If you don't do _________________, then I'm going to title your car to you and the insurance will be double." In each case, he basically just called her on it. Said, in effect, "It's your choice to not pay those things, but you paid them for my older brother and sisters until their mid-20s and beyond. So if you use this as a control device, it's going to damage our relationship even more than it already is." Finally, he just, one by one, took away all of her means of control until she didn't have any left. And at that point, gently said, "I want a relationship with you, but it must be one that honors my boundaries. If you can't do that, then I can't have you in my life, and that isn't what either of us want." It took about six months, all in, of her trying every possible means of regaining control. Eventually she finally got the message and their relationship has begun to improve. I want to point out that unless someone is putting a gun to your head, none of the things you're being told you "can't do" are in anyone's control but yours. Also, you say "your place" which implies you're living by yourself. That being the case, the only control they have over you (unless they're paying your rent, where it gets a little sticky) is what control you give them. It is YOUR choice, not theirs, whether you wear a rainbow. It is YOUR choice, not theirs, what clothes you wear. It is YOUR choice (and, honestly, a necessity) that you have a lock on your door. You may have to start taking the steps my friend did in order to get the message across. But the point is, you have a lot of control here, you just need to exercise it. As difficult as it is, you need to have that conversation. IF it's too uncomfortable to have in person, send them an email, or write them a letter. Just be firm, don't give in to any of their threats/manipulations/behaviors. Again, this assumes they don't have monetary controls that interfere. If they do, you'll have to modify things a bit... and work on getting out of their control as quickly as possible.
You guys are amazing, and I REALLY appreciate the advice. I got them today, and I was confronted from my step mom about it. I just told them it was fun stuff, and it ended at that. I'm not able to use the stuff yet, since they are still awake, but I'll relieve of myself when night comes. I don't know why it is considered a sin to be honest, just don't fantasize about certain people or any of that. God gave me this urge and I have to release it. Again. Thanks for the advice. I'll follow it. If you have anymore advice to give on the situation, I'll keep an open ear. ---------- Post added 14th May 2014 at 05:50 PM ---------- I do live in their house. I am 18 and going to go to collage in August. I get praised when I don't wear rainbow. He says "it respectful and mature." They have a hold on my collage money, so I have to take care of that as well. Thanks for the advice again.
