How to deal with slurs

I grew up listening to that kind of crap, so I used to shut down or panic. Now that I'm getting over it, I tell people, "I'm not a fag, I'm gay. I don't look like a cigarette or a bundle of sticks."

 

Haha this kinda reminds me of a school I was at for a bit. be careful with your anger though buddy. Spoken from experience, getting up in someones face and shouting is gonna make them defensive. Even if they know they are in the wrong.

As for idiots who like to say that word, try to think of it as them just liking to cuss. When you think about it almost every cuss word (except the F and S word) relates to some group of people. And lots of people who say it, are not homophobic (recently a friend told me he didn't think enough about gay people to dislike us. He has no problem with people based on things they can't control, but he loves saying Faggot, he says it just sounds mean and that he likes to say it, he's very crass.Since he's an old friend i don't really care as long as I don't see him callin other gay people that.) In the end its just another way of shrugging it off, because I hate that word. But if you just think of it as another swear, and not a bigoted word (Kinda hard when it's a bigoted word lol) it gets a bit easier. Hope this helped. best of luck!

 

When someone says something that's supposed to be 'funny' that I find really offensive, I tell them that I think their jokes are boring and they should get some new material, as that one's been recycled a few too many times. I could just be like "*yawn* yeah, heard that one..."

I don't actually spend a lot of time around people who use a lot of shitty words these days, but when I did I had a couple things I could do.
When someone uses a slur of any kind, I tend to correct them gently and with a laugh the first time. Like someone says that having an exam on Saturday is "f*cking gay" I'll just say that I don't think that seems even slightly homosexual. Or perhaps I say that something I don't like is "totally straight".

If the person is a repeat offender, however, I generally pull out the big guns. It's important to stay as calm as possible otherwise people tend to think you're attacking them and they won't listen to you at all. Explain that while they may not actually associate the word f***** with gay people, the reason why it's still offensive is because you don't know who hears you when you talk like that. F***** has too often been the last word hurled at someone before they got the shit beat out of them for being, or even just "appearing" gay. The historical hatred behind the word doesn't just go away because you 'didn't mean it that way'. Gay kids commit suicide after being called this over and over and over. It's not okay to make light of that just because your vocabulary is stunted.

Especially if other people are listening to this conversation, it often shuts the person right up. At that point, the might be using the offensive word other places when I'm not around, but they tend not to use it around me, which means they've thought about it even just a little.

Sorry this is such a shitty situation for you, OP. That's hard and would piss me off too. I don't know what to tell you about dealing with this if nothing you try gets better, but my assumption is that physically hurting these people probably won't make it better for you and will likely just end with them continuing this behavior and you getting into trouble.

 

I go to a school where they use nothing but slurs. Nobody has ever used a slur against me, but they have made offensive statements about my sexuality. I just say something back to let them know I won't tolerate it.

 

Unfortunately... back when homophobia was a lot more usual, these words just started circulating into common use. And now, because they're so common, people use them a lot without thinking.

It pisses me off too when people use these words. However, the people who use them aren't ALWAYS intending to be homophobic. Before I realised I wasn't straight I have to admit that I was guilty of spitting them out every now and then.

My advice is to tell them not to use the slurs, but don't get too angry/aggressive unless you think they were deliberately saying something against LGBT people.

 

I don't know if any part of this will be useful to you, but I had a discussion with a group of college freshmen a couple years ago about the use of the word "faggot" as derogatory term.

We'd seen a performance where this word was used hurtfully, and we were talking about it. Some of the males talked about how much they hated how PC everything has become, that people are way too sensitive. They talked about playing "Smear the Queer" during recess at school, and that it had nothing to do with being gay...it was just a game. That they'll use these words around "the guys", when they know nobody's going to be offended. That they aren't really slurring against homosexuals...it's just a word, just an expression. A couple of the women voiced agreement with this.

They all knew I had a female partner. But I stayed quiet and faded into the background for a bit, while they got their feelings out. Then I calmly brought up the fact that they can't know whether anyone is offended...only if someone says they are. That I know for a fact that someone in the group has a pair of lesbian aunts, and I suspect this person doesn't feel too good about these words being used. I talked about school kids I've known who had queer parents and just got enraged inside when anyone would use "gay", "queer", or "fag" as insults.

Again the disclaimers that these words weren't being used as slurs against homosexuals...just as insults, just as words. I asked how they'd feel if I started using the word "Christian" as an insult...not to be anti-Christian, just as a word (they also knew I was the only non-Christian in the group). I asked what if they moved to an area where a *lot* of people used "Christian" as an insult...would they feel welcome? Would they feel respected? Would they just take it in stride, and not get "all PC"?

I asked them to be honest with themselves and ask themselves whether they truly believe that gays are bad people, ridiculous people, inferior people. I said if they do feel this way, then by all means, feel free to use "gay" or "fag" or "queer" as an insult...I may disagree with them; I may fight against them; but I'll respect their integrity and honesty, that they dare match their words to their feelings.

But if they feel, as they claimed to, that a person's sexuality doesn't matter, then stop using those words as an insult, because they do hurt people, intentionally or unintentionally, whether they know it or not, whether they think it should or not. I said these words have meaning...like "Christian" they're not just neutral words. And if they say these things and don't mean them...people will assume they do mean them.

They seemed to come away from the conversation feeling like they had some things to think about.

 

I'm not a Buddhist, but I think the Buddha has a good saying on this. "Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die". Think about it, did you actually enjoy being angry? I doubt it, so try to fight your anger. Realize that people like him are not worth your time.