Ohk does anyone else have crazy maddening nostalgia episodes? I don't mean occasionally I mean full blown shit. Like the revving of a car arriving sounding like a car a best friend's parent had in basic school, or like when I read something about the environment & greenhouse gasses in the newspaper I can remember the page/chapter/book in which it was discussed in both my HS Chem & Bio classes... idk I might just be mental! And I'm not talking just bittersweet memories but also memory distortion & a tinge of sadness with it, like I want to make everything perfect, (perfectionist here) to the point of bringing people back from the dead. (Just me & mom now, lost too many family members in too short of a span, Mom's dad, Dad's mom and my own father all left us within a span of 2 years just too much indescribable pain), maybe that's my crazy nostalgia reason? But also sometimes I feel like I'm awesome but no one ever saw it and always made me feel that i'm not. It's like a kind of homesickness but more like homesick for the years '06-->'10 Ugh it's disturbing me in my everyday life, it cripples me to feel down when I see a date in i.e. a library book with the stamp of a certain date. I can remember exactly the events of said date/week and crave for it. And lately I sense that I've changed, for the worse, I keep on thinking I've changed, I'm not as hardworking as I used to be, like when I see someone on track with uni-work & trying their best I just look at them and think 'I used to be that way, I use to do everything right, why can't I be like that again' Also I always use to get excited about the little things & always had good witty remarks, personality traits that people loved about me. Now everything seems a little less/blank/not there. I mean am I depressed? I'm not constantly sad or anything, not suicidal and stuff so what is this feeling between depression and euphoria and nostalgia? Also the scary attracted mainly to guys closet issue, yes I;m scared I know I should be brave but I'm scared (P.S. Now after writing this and almost posting it on EC I feel guilty like I'm ranting and wasting other peoples time by having them read my rant ....)
I am often having silly flashbacks, and sometimes live in the past and ruminate of my life compared to others (if that is what you mean ) it is probably quite normal is it because you are noticing time 'passing you by' perhaps ???
I'm sort of well-known amongst my friends of having an exceptionally deep (but certainly not photographic) memory. I'll remember lots of random details about things that I really don't have any reason to, and from time to time, I'll go swimming in them just for fun. A few of my college friends got together not that long ago, and one of them tried to stump me. "OK, Lex. Senior year, 1992. It's the spring formal dance. Where did we eat dinner that night?" "Your room." "...right." "We had summer sausage and 7-grain Harvest Crisp crackers." "...we did?" "Yeah. And Dana came in to tell us about the movie he had watched with 'warm ice', and we heard Naomi was coming around, and you all were warning me not to hook up with her because she hooked up with everybody (even the gay guys). And then you mentioned something about being a smartass for half your life, and I jokingly said 'you mean the waking hours?', and you actually went and called your father to tell him that..." "Wait, wait, Lex, why the hell do you remember all this?" "I DON'T KNOW! I still need fifteen minutes every morning to find my damn keys!" Lex
