I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with this?

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

Well you could start by rethinking your definition of masculine, because basically what it sounds like is you are equating 'leadership' (for lack of a better word) with masculine.

everytime I see a cute girl I sort of resent myself.. but i'm also left breathless.. because they are so enchanting/desirable to me.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm picturing this scenario and trying to imagine your thoughts and I get this.

Woah, that girl is cute! I would sooooo date her! OMG she looked at me! Why isn't she coming over? Well I can't go over, girls don't do the approach! Wait...she's a girl...FUCK...how does this WORK!?

Does that sound about right?

 

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

I have internalized homophobia too, just not for the reasons you do (I actually prefer being masculine).

However, It's common to feel shame and think heterocentric thoughts around our sexuality since we live in a heterosexist society.

 

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

Not really, I mean you're not put off by the fact that you are both women, you're put off by the fact that neither of you are men.

Seriously, in your ideal scenario, which one of you would 'take the lead' so to speak?

Now what if I phrase that another way. Which one of you is 'the guy' in that scenario.

By the sounds of things, in your mind (whether you think this consciously or not), a straight girl has the advantage. She can sit there and 'the guy' will come to her. He will initiate, be more forward, take 'the lead' if you will.

At this point you are probably (or at least hopefully) yelling at the screen "HOLLY YOU STUPID COW, GIRLS CAN TAKE CHARGE TOO! FUCK YOU, YOU BACKWARDS THINKING ARSE-BASKET!"

I hope you are, because that is precisely my point. If you are equating being forward with being masculine you ARE going to struggle.

By the sounds of things YOU don't want to be the one to make a move. You said this girl is intimidating. Why?

 

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

I have a ton of internalized homophobia as well.

I'm a femme tomboy. In other words, I look feminine, but I don't wear makeup (allergic to most brands, plus, I don't know how the hell people can apply that stuff without looking like a racoon) and I'm into things that are "tomboyish" (videogames, anime/manga, Star Trek, science/history, mixed music tastes, etc...)

I don't like the lesbian community or the straight community. Straight women think I'm not feminine enough, while lesbians think I'm too feminine. I feel completely isolated around both groups, lesbians especially. They mistake me for something I'm not, while I expect them to be the ones who make me feel less alienated. It's absolute bullshit.

I want to be more feminine, but at the same time, I see girly women being treated as weak, sexual objects. I don't want to be seen like that...

My only advice is to not be like me, personality wise. My moody-ness only makes me feel worse.

 

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

I have internalized homophobia as well. I'm afraid to come out completely because I don't want people to think I'm going to start dressing masculine or that's the type of girl I'm going to date. Neither is true. I'm also afraid to get involved with the LGBT community because I worry the only lesbians I meet will be butch. I feel bad for feeling this way.

 

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

Nope.

 

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

It takes a while to get over internalized homophobia. We've all heard negative stereotypes about lesbians and if you hear it enough times you get the message loud and clear. It's important to tune out the stupid a**holes who say ignorant shit, and start listening to the voices of truth and acceptance out there. Why listen to miserable straight people when there are plenty of happy lesbians whose stories are much more helpful to you?

As to gender presentation, there is absolutely no reason why you have to be masculine to like women. Guess what? To like women, all you have to do is like women! However, if you're stressed about it because it doesn't feel like you, then maybe you should question why you are femme: is it because it's how you feel or because it's more socially acceptable? It also doesn't have to be all-or-nothing; I often dress more tomboy in my daily life and more femme for special events or around family. But I know that's its own form of cowardice. In any case, dress how you wanna dress, wear your makeup and do your hair; whatever you do, do it with pride!

 

Re: I think I have a bit of internalized homophobia.. Any other Lesbians deal with th

Do I need a special reason to not be internally homophobic? I don't have one.