1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Another disappointing visit to my parents.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by redneck, May 26, 2014.

  1. redneck

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ft. Smith, Ar
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Don't get me wrong I love my parents and actually love getting to see my daughter while I'm there (she lives with them). Today I went down to visit and was watching WWE with my dad (really I don't know why he watches that crap). This means I had to sit there for three hours listening to "Wow don't you think she's hot?", "His wife is hot!", or "Wouldn't you like to get some of that?" and if that wasn't bad enough you should have heard him during the "Diva" match. Did I say what I was thinking which was along the lines of "What girl I was looking at (insert wrestler's name)?" NO, I just sat there smiling like a fucking idiot, rolling my eyes, and biting my tongue!

    Why the hell can't I tell my parents I'm gay? I live about an hour away and almost everybody I see on a regular basis knows, hell if I was standing in line at WalMart and someone was doing the same thing I would let him know I'm gay.

    I don't keep it a secret if it's pertinent to the conversation, but my parents.
    .. Nope, I cannot look at them and get the two word phrase"I'm gay" to come out of my mouth. So now I'm laying on my bed listening to music pissed at myself for not telling them AGAIN. I am so frustrated it is almost unbearable.


    Damn, sometimes I hate being me.

    Sorry, I know this turned into more of a rant than I intended, but I needed to get it out.
     
  2. YaraNunchuck

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2013
    Messages:
    164
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't have any advice, but to say that this seems normal. I'm not out to my parents yet :frowning2:. Even though it would likely go ok just about, actually climbing the cliff to spitting out those words - I'm not sure I can do it. When I visualise it I always imagine stumbling and not getting them out because it's too terrifying. I wouldn't beat yourself up over it - it's damn hard.
     
  3. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What happens if some stranger in walmart tells you, without reservation, just how god damn disgusting you are for your attractions?

    Telling your parents is always going to be hard to do for the simple reason that you get attached to them and you don't want things to stand in the way of your relationship. You don't want them to be upset. It's not your fault, you're just trying to be good to them...it just comes at the expense of yourself.

    You'll get there in the end (*hug*)
     
  4. redneck

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ft. Smith, Ar
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'd probably punch the stranger lol.

    I am to the point that I feel it isn't just at the expense of me. They tell me all the time how much my daughter misses me. I love my daughter but frankly I avoid going to see them. Not because i don't care about them but because i have to put on my "straight act". I started coming out to friends about to friends last year and have been out here in town since about October. Every time I go down there and put on my "straight act" it gets harder and I feel more bitter about it. I know I shouldn't but I am actually putting myself before my daughter and if I keep going I'm going to ruin our relationship.

    My mom would probably be stunned but accepting. My dad? Oh the shit will hit the fan!!!

    I guess I am still at the point where being good to them is more important than me being happy. But me being unhappy is going to destroy my relationship with my daughter! Then if I come out and my dad reacts the way I think he will I may not get to see her for quite a while.

    I don't really know where I was going with this post. I guess I was rationalizing and just need to see where I'm at.
     
  5. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Forgive me, I don;t know your circumstances well, but what happens if you talk to your daughter about it?
     
  6. redneck

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ft. Smith, Ar
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm sorry I'm going a bit nuts and haven't slept in 20 hours
    Did you mean tell her I'm gay first? I'm sure she would run straight to my parents and say something.

    Or did you mean how do I think she would take me telling her I'm gay in general?

    That is the beauty of young children. At 8 she is too young to have developed homophobia but is definitely smart enough to understand if I explained to her what it means. I have actually thought about how I would tell her when it comes time. I would explain that daddy likes boys. Then clarify that I like boys in the way that I would want to marry one (putting the cart before the horse but a good explanation for a child). Then I would explain that some grown UPS don't like boys marring boys but I cannot help that it is the way I feel. Then I would reassure her that I love her and ask if she had questions.
     
  7. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    What I'm thinking is, if you are feeling like your relationship with your daughter is getting swept up in this, because you don't want to visit your parents then something needs to be done.

    I mean I don't know your daughter, obviously, but I've worked with a lot of children her age and I know that being part of something 'grown up' makes them feel trusted and grown up themselves.

    I'm just thinking that if you spoke to your daughter, and explained to her just like you said exactly what you wanted to, and then asked her to not tell anyone yet, I think she would.

    Tell her if she ever needs to talk you are there for her, just like you said.

    It's just the last thing I want to see happen for you is your daughter to have a bad start on this. Even if your parents take it well in front of you, it doesn't necessarily mean they will be as nice about it while you are not around, and you want your daughter to have as much opportunity to accept her dad for who he as as possible!
     
  8. redneck

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ft. Smith, Ar
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm just thinking that if you spoke to your daughter, and explained to her just like you said exactly what you wanted to, and then asked her to not tell anyone yet, I think she would.

    Oh, NO WAY, if you tell her a secret she will rat you out in two seconds.
     
  9. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    xD

    Well it's still worth telling her first, I think :slight_smile:
     
  10. redneck

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    280
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Ft. Smith, Ar
    Gender:
    Male
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I was having a phone conversation with my mom yesterday and we happened to get on the subject of TV shows. I mentioned one of my favorite shows The Peoples Couch (when I can catch it because I'm usually at work). I was telling her about a line that one of the gay guys said and how the butch woman was funny as hell (assume lesbian but said woman). I received ALMOST TWO FULL MINUTES of silence.

    Great I even mention the word gay and it stunned her? Yeah, definitely makes it harder for me to want to tell her I'm gay, and she is not the one I'm worried about telling.