So when a Girl Scout reaches high school, she has the opportunity to complete a Gold Award project, which is the Boy Scout equivalent to becoming an Eagle Scout. Before even beginning with the undertaking, the girl must come up with an idea, put together a budget and a plan to gather funds, come before a council hearing, and defend why she thinks her project is a good one. The project must be community service, of course, and have a lasting effect on the community. My project was approved very quickly. The plan is to plant community gardens at a local retirement home. So far, I'm doing quite well. I've raised over half of my funds and have several things planted. The tomato garden and peppergarden is finished, with the exception of my needing to add onions and a few herbs, and the other four plots (each really small, which is why I'm doing multiple plots) are each about halfway complete. But oh my god, I'm so stressed about that project. Every time I think about it, I have this feeling of dread and anxiety and loathing, and I'm just so scared I'm never going to complete it! I had one deadline set for the end of may, and a second set for the end of October if the may one fell through. The May one fell through, because there are some plants I can't buy right now, and I don't have all of the funds raised because several of my fundraising plants fell through in the winter due to my family planning last minute vacations or not giving me solid dates so I could plan a venture and so on, and the fact that the plants I planned to sell at the farmer's market were killed by powdery mildew. Its 2 AM and I can't sleep because I'm worrying about this so much. I'm loathe to talk to my parents about this, because my dad is already of the opinion that I can't go through with things, and I'm not a hard worker, and so on, and this project means a lot to me. I don't want them stepping in to help finish it because they think I can't. I know some people will say 'talk to them anyways, you'dbe surprised', but my dad has this way of talking to you where he says he's proud, then tacks on a 'but' how you could be better, and iI'm so stressed already I feel like I'll just break down if he starts getting on to me. And then there's the fear that even after I complete this project, all of my work will be for nothing and the council will deny my application for the gold award, because the project was lacking in leadership because I didn't get enough people involved, or the paperwork wasn't enough, and my mom is already pushing and driving me to have everything completed and done with in time to apply to college so I can have it on my resume. Every time I bring up the Gold Award, or someone else does, she turns to me and says 'By the way, you need to get that done'. I don't want to disappoint her! And what if I don'tget it done? II've raised over $500 to go towards this project. And the residents of the home are so excited about having gardens! And then there's that vicious cycle of stress depriving me of sleep, and sleep deprivation contributing to my stress, and I just feel stressed, scared, and stuck, even though I know it'll probably all be alright. And now added to that stress is the fact that a pipe in our ceiling cracked or I don't know what and now water is steadily dripping from the ceiling and a huge section of it is bulging down and we noticed it late last night, too late to call anyone.
