So, I've been thinking. I need to get rid of all the stupid wants and needs for a while until I can start looking for someone, and I'm deadly scared of watching gay porn because I don't want to be desensetized from it, I consider it to be something that's not real. Usually when I have to deal with such a great mental trauma, I forget about it in a few weeks or months, and that would be perfect. And if I turn out to be just fine doing this, then...at least I would find something I like. Should I risk damaging my soul with this? I mean granted that it's not hooking up with someone, I'm very sensitive and emotional so I'm really not sure if attempting such would be a good idea.
I'm kind of confused, what sort of mental trauma are you going through? How are you going to damage your soul? And if you're afraid of gay porn, don't watch it.
I meant the possible bad outcome of watching it because that would clash with my interpretation of intimacy probably and lead me back to confusion. I just had to realize that just because I'm not gay the same way as other people, it doesn't mean that I'm not. Some people just do not want to see it, but that doesn't mean anything. I mean, an apple is still an apple, even if it wasn't treated with anti-bug sprays. All there would probably be is some guys with hair gel, and long eyelashes and pink skirts, and this sort of femininity is not what I like. I'm after emotions, and porn clearly shows a lack of such. So I pretty much answered my own question. But I'm still open to opinions on this.
I think what I hear you saying is that you have sexual desires sand you are thinking about using porn as a means of "letting off steam" with regard to those desires. If I'm right, and if the questions is whether or not to use porn to help you fantasize for masturbation, I would suggest not doing so. Not that porn is inherently bad, but it is powerful, and if you focus on developing your fantasy experiences in your head instead of externalizing them, I think you'll end up a bit better off. If I've missed the mark, please clarify what you are after
Well sort of. I'm just assuming it would kill all my desires because of how different it would probably be from my perception of sex and it would mess with my "taste" as in who I find good looking and suitable for a relationship. And I want that temporarily because I still have to suppress my wants for at least a year until I can move to somewhere else, and be myself in the city. I just don't want to suffer permanent psychilogical "damage" from it. Enjoying it would be a positive outcome though definitely. Ultimately it's a weird attempt at killing my sex/relationship drive for a good chunk of time.
I agree with Chip for the most part. The thing for me with porn is that it is like anything else. Too much of something will have adverse effects. An occasional romp on your favorite porn site isn't going to damage your soul. Typically porn is unrealistic and not even close to what sex is like with a normal person you are likely to meet. (Unless you meet a porn start of course). If you are worried about getting sucked in (and some of us do), you might try it once and leave it be for a few days/weeks and see how you feel. If you find yourself constantly aroused, leave the porn alone for a bit and work from a mental image you have in your head instead while masturbating. What happens for some people is that too much porn makes it difficult to be able to do that mental practice. It is just easier to look at an image and get aroused. I equate it to reading a book vs watching a movie. Movie is mentally easier if that makes sense.
Alright, I think I should say that further suggestions are too late now. I did overcome my fears and tried it, though it wasn't very easy to do! My heart literally was about to explode clicking on that 3 letter word and I even closed my eyes, I was expecting to think I fucked up and ruined myself forever. But no, it was fine really. I realized that I was just as scared watching regular porn the first time years ago, and I also managed to get rid of all my remaining doubts that in fact, I want a guy. I guess I needed proof, but gathering the courage I was deliberately looking at the thumbnails for straight videos it was such a turnoff lol! I didn't even know if I wanted to carry on with the experiment or not. So I got to see parts of the human body I happen to like without looking at ones that I could care less about. Oh and the "commentary" also made it hilarious so I got to laugh my head off at the same time. And now that I know it's fine, it's time to say goodbye to it to avoid negative effects Well thanks for the replies, this was a large step on the path of self-acceptance and now I'm fine with how I am.
