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Dealing with Homosexuality in different cultures

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by IwillBeStrong, May 29, 2014.

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  1. IwillBeStrong

    IwillBeStrong
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    Hi guys :smilewave

    I bet you've heard this a lot on this forum, however I still want to know your views/opinions on this. :help:
    I'm coming from indian culture and I'm still on the process of accepting myself, however I constantly see these straight girls getting married and I kinda feel guilty for being gay and everything. :dry: How could I deal with this? How to deal with being gay in a culture which does not accept or even recognize it at all? :confused:
    It really feels like I'm the only gay person around in my culture (especially in my country) and it is kinda true, as there very very rare people who are out in the indian community worldwide and they are distributed all over the world so it really feels like I'm probably the only gay girl which any indian in my area will ever know and that makes me feel so weird. On the one hand I know that I have to be true to myself and love the person I want to love, but on the other side I'm confronted with these people with their "oh-so-great" traditions, culture and straight marriages. How can I deal with this? I mean it is kinda clear that I will never fit in our indian community, which is very sad and was heartbreaking for me, but for my own sake, how do I deal with being confronted with such things which makes me so doubtful?
    Thanks for any advice :slight_smile:

    :slight_smile:
     
    #1 IwillBeStrong, May 29, 2014
  2. Opheliac

    Opheliac
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    I'm Indian too. I grew up with a fairly open and accepting family but I'm still not out to them. I don't think they'll really reject me or anything drastic like that but I know and I can tell that at least my mother is not at all comfortable with the very idea of homosexuality. She finds it awkward to talk about. She's not homophobic exactly, in that she wouldn't maybe have a problem with having a gay friend or something, but she says that LGBT rights aren't something that it's polite to discuss. Things like that. And she brought me up that way, and I grew up thinking that homosexuality wasn't necessarily wrong, it was just something that "other people" did, which shouldn't be talked about.

    I can tell you for sure though, that having supportive friends is one of the best things ever. I'm not out to most of them (I am to a few) but hearing them speak out in support of the LGBT community even though they are straight just makes me feel so happy. I know they'd be supportive of me if I did come out to them. And this just makes me feel really good.

    You know what else is part of "oh so great" Indian culture? Women being married to men 50 years older than them and being burned alive when their husbands died. Unmarried women being married to trees and being burned alive when the trees died. Child marriage. Pouring acid on women because they had female children. Rampant rape being seen as a good thing. Caste discrimination, which is still subtly in existence today (get hold of an Indian newpaper and look at the matrimonial ads columns and you'll know what I mean). It's not about tradition here... It's about common sense, decency, and respect for other people. People say a lot of things about tradition and what not, but traditions aren't things you need to cling to forever. You don't need to live in the past, which is unfortunately what many people do. What you do is take the good things from traditions and apply them to life in general. Culture is a dynamic thing.

    There are homophobic Indians of course. But there are also many supportive people, and if you just manage to find some of them, it really really helps you find your space and feel comfortable.
     
    #2 Opheliac, May 30, 2014
  3. IwillBeStrong

    IwillBeStrong
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    wow, I can totally relate to your first paragraph! Its almost the same with my parents but I believe it is different accepting a homosexual person and accepting your daughter/son who is homosexual. And I was raised up in that same thought! Homosexuality was always other peoples buisness, not ours. That was such a no-go that it took me many many years to find out I'm gay, because I was denying it , as it wasn't allowed in my family, altough I've always known that I'm gay. Are you actually living in india, if I may ask?

    Yes I totally understand. Im not out to any of my friends but many of them are very supportive of gay people and one of my friends just come out to me as bisexual a year ago. I won't be judged by them I believe but still Im not ready for it.

    Wow, that is just so true :frowning2: That made so much sense! :slight_smile: Thanks for that. You know its just I can totally understand what you mean but making my parents do the same is a another story. I'm sure they'll get if I would explain it to them like this but still they'll be just focusing on the good things in tradition, to which a straight marriage would definitely count. :/

    Yes you are right! Lot of indian people are becoming more and more aware and supportive of homosexuality. I hope I'll get to know some of them :slight_smile:

    Thanks for your help :slight_smile:
     
    #3 IwillBeStrong, Jun 1, 2014
  4. Opheliac

    Opheliac
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    That's true. It is much easier to accept a gay friend than a gay child. But either way... difficult or not, parents should love their children for who they are. And it's the same for me... Homosexuality was something that "other people" did, so the thought that I wasn't straight never even occurred to me for a very long time. And yes, I do live in India :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    And I know what you mean by you aren't ready to come out to your friends even though you know they'll be supportive. It's the same with me. But being around supportive people just really helped my self esteem when I was doubting myself.

    That's my whole point... There are good things and bad things to be found in tradition. What makes culture dynamic is peoples' ability to take the good things and leave the bad. Look at it logically. What's "bad" about homosexuality? It spreads disease? So does heterosexuality, to the same degree. It's "unnatural"? No, it's found in other species too. Also... Things like aeroplanes, mobile phones, etc are SO natural, right? It's dirty? No more than heterosexuality. I know that you know all this, but the problem is your parents. But if your parents are willing to logically discuss it, it's clear that there really isn't anything wrong with it.

    Also,being LGBT doesn't make you not part of the Indian community. It's just a part of who you are, it's not your entire self. Being different in one respect from other people doesn't exclude you from their group in other ways. :slight_smile:

    I hope you find your space and feel comfortable soon.
     
    #4 Opheliac, Jun 2, 2014
  5. IwillBeStrong

    IwillBeStrong
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    Exactly! :slight_smile: And wow, respect for dealing with homosexuality in india! And its cool that your parents are so openminded though you're living in india, because normally its not easy to find such parents in india at all I believe.

    Really? In my case I was happy to know that they'd be supportive on the one hand on the other hand .. I am not ready to out myself and for the past few years I've been struggling with hiding this part from my friends you know .. and thats very very hard for me! Probably you've experienced that yourself .. unwantedly commenting on that "hot" guy who you just saw, or that "hot" male celebrity .. just to not get suspected. Its bad.

    Yes thats true :slight_smile: Before that steps gonna happen, I believe I need to accept myself fully at first.

    Thats true but you know, indian people (at least the ones I know) won't be accepting of it and therefore you'll get a lot of hatred .. they cant exclude us from indian society but they will be doing it by commenting, giving bad looks, etc. I know indian people , they're (almost) all the same with their mentalities. (except some rare folks)

    Thank you :slight_smile:
     
    #5 IwillBeStrong, Jun 2, 2014
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