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College experiences

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Eric811, May 30, 2014.

  1. Eric811

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    I am currently in graduate school and have had some experiences, positive and negative, as a gay male interacting with peers and professors. I am not out to everyone because I am not sure how people will react. I have had to respond to heterosexist questions like "what does your wife do?" that has forced me to out myself or lie. I never stayed in the dorm because I was afraid of having to have a roommate and shared showers, especially if anyone knew I was gay. I always worry about my instructors finding out and it affecting how they grade my work.
     
  2. Hyaline

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    I've been out for 18 years and still get asked "What does my wife do?" <rolls eyes> or "Do you guys have kids?" (I don't even wear a wedding ring, as we aren't legally married yet).

    I tell them all about my "hubby" and what he does for a living.. leaving out on the detail that he is a 6'5" hairy faced wonderful man. I play the pronoun game. But I have had lots of practice. I find that omitting that and not lying about anything makes it very easy to be open and honest. At least to a point where I feel comfortable.

    There are times when I do lie for the same of convenience. I have some very religious clients who are great people but I am not sure I want to divulge to them about my personal life. It has nothing to do with the work I do for them.

    The hard part is that you are oversensitive to your "gay-ness". And by that I mean that it is the focus of a good part of your day. Odds are, your roomies, instructors and friends would never even consider it if they have no reason to do so. Most guys are too busy worrying about themselves just like you to pay attention to other guys. Your insecurities about being out are more likely to give you away than if you just relaxed and quit worrying about it..

    Typically college is a pretty open environment.. Are you studying at an institution where that isn't the case?
     
  3. Eric811

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    Thank you for the reply. Sorry, I've been out for a death in the family and a camping trip. I attend a very rural bible belt public institution in Kentucky. I typically do tell it like it is but subconsciously I am always concerned about ramifications for being so honest about who I am.
     
  4. Andrew99

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    I actually haven't been to college yet but if your still on here in like 4 years then I'll let you know how it's going :slight_smile: