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I don't feel human, more like a robot

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by anonym, Jun 3, 2014.

  1. anonym

    anonym Guest

    I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me. For as long as I can remember, I have felt kind of dead emotionally. I did have fleeting moments of happiness growing up but my memories are mainly of feeling pretty numb and emotionless.

    Three years ago, I was eventually diagnosed with depression and during this depressive episode was when I started to believe I was trans and this was the cause of my unhappiness. So having realised I'm a guy and starting to transition, I would have thought things would start looking up. Wrong. I am still bothered by this feeling that there is something really not right with me. This has come to my attention after another dramatic episode in our household. I've realised, I don't care about my family. I don't think I ever have. I just feel...indifferent towards them. I don't think I care about anyone to be honest. People respond to other people with feeling whereas I'm more like a robot. I just feel...dead.

    I don't let myself be ruled by my feelings. It's not that I don't have them. I just feel uncomfortable feeling anything other than my usual numbness. Sometimes, I even feel myself cutting off, turning deader. Because of this, I find it really difficult to be around other people. Other people have feelings, care about one another, but I don't. I really don't know what's wrong with me :frowning2:
     
  2. Quandary

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Minneapolis, MN
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Depression can sap you of emotions and connection to others, among other things. I know for a long time I was depressed because I was forced to be a woman and relate to others as a woman, and it felt so unnatural that I wasn't able to have positive feelings towards others or feel connected.

    It's a complicated subject, though, and it's possible that there's more to your depression and more to feeling better than you've encountered so far.
     
  3. Yeah, what you're describing sounds like classic depression. It can get better and easier to connect with life and other people but it will probably require professional help for depression. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist? If not, perhaps look into that. It take some time and work to get there, but that dead feeling isn't permanent.