Am I wasting my life ?

It sounds more like you feel you're not doing the things you want to do, versus the things you feel you have to/should do.

 

I'm actually stuck in a similar mental spiral; I'm getting my PhD and have accomplished a lot thus far, but still I have days where I feel completely alone. I have found that the only cure for this feeling is doing the stuff I love, stepping away from work for a moment. Download Duolingo if you want to start learning a language; start doing the things you want to be doing. Carve out a vacation with your boyfriend. Start exploring your neighborhood with him.

My friend told me a story about his friend who graduated from Harvard and felt completely boring. He decided, having had no hiking experience, to do the entire Appalachian Trail. He met amazing people, he spent time on his own, he learned to be patient. He became an interesting person, motivated by the fact that he felt unaccomplished. Sometimes feeling boring can motivate a person to do some amazing things. You don't need to do something this grandiose to change your life; I'm just bringing this up as an example of a person who also felt like he wasn't going anywhere and how he dealt with it.

 

I'm almost your age, just in my second year of my first degree, want to get a pilot's licence and you think you are wasting your life. Trust me, if there's anything you are not doing is wasting your life. In my younger years i also strived for perfection until i hit an extreme low. That's when i learnt that happiness trumps perfection. Are you happy with yourself.....most of the time? Changing your life isn't an easy thing and it doesn't have to be instantaneous. Give yourself time. Start out slow. Go out a little bit more, even if it's just one more day than your usual, or in a fortnight. Slowly introduce yourself to things that make you less comfortable (they don't have to be big things). Also talk to your boyfriend so he can help you through it all.

 

I'm a fair bit older than you, but recently I've discovered what it's like to be self accepting, self loving, happy and content. It's a bit weird though - which I will try to explain.

Being that self acceptance / self love / happiness / contentment are very new and unfamiliar feelings, and for most of my adult life I've gotten very used to the feeling of there being 'something missing', I believe that old mental habits are trying to create problems that aren't really there and giving me "itchy feet".
For instance, it's crossed my mind a few times to throw in my job (which I love), leave my family and friends (who I love) and move to Sydney for no particular reason other than having that 'itchy feet' feeling.

It might not be the same for you, but just something to consider.
Maybe your life is great, but you're not used to accepting greatness.

Peace be with you.

 

Nah I'm sure in 5 years you'll have everything u want and u and your bf will get married if u want to and then you'll be ok so you're fine.

 

I find your thoughts similar to a couple other young phd students I know of. Devouting so much of your time to the classroom - researching, seems like it's isolating, but it will have it's rewards when it's all said and done with. As for another language, that's a personal decision. For me, traveling was important, so I did that in my late teens and early 20s. Now I just turned 30 and I am asking myself: am I wasting my life? By living in a small city, taking a good job, but not being able to always be who I am (living in the closet...) I think you need a balance in your life, so perhaps do some international travel. For you, being in Europe, you have great access to much of the world (and at good prices too!)

 

And I second this and I am a fair bit older than my buddy MangoTree so I have a bit to add. Old age does this..now sit down and hush while the old guy is talkin'...

For some of us, that "something missing" feeling never goes away. but rather it changes over time. For me, I wish I had gone to College which would have been to San Francisco State during the middle of the dot com craze here in the states. My life would have been completely different had I done that instead of staying home and working.

But here is the thing with having regrets. You can't let the "what ifs" kill you... They can very easily squash your happiness. I take the mass accumulation of my work thus far weigh it against what I have accomplished and use that as my measure. And you know what, I worked really hard to get where I am. And for that it is easier to let the regrets go later in life. You are still at that point where you are making those choices.

That old adage of "The older you get the less you know"... Well, its a bit incomplete. In truth, the older you get the more you know that you don't know, you know? And in learning that there are huge gaps in things you will never learn due to lack of time/interest/opportunity.

Wow, I sound a bit like a defeatist.. But I think it is more about being a realist. Start with yourself. If you find yourself frustrated, look at the laundry list of things you are working on. Odds are, you have too many things. That and every time you finish something, you celebrate. Even if its just a cold beverage.. Reward yourself for your hard work and accomplishments. Those small rewards will help you feel satisfied with your accomplishments.

 

Sounds like graduation syndrome.