So after a long night making up new drag king names for myself, I decided to be brave enough to talk to my mom about it. My mom already knows and for two years, I have suspected that she dislikes it. She'll always say little things like " you're not going out like that." or " Do you HAVE to dress that way?" and today ( just now ) as I talked to her about it, she would give small replies like " yep. " and when I asked her if she got "Nash Carr" she said "No I don't get it!" in this irritated, nasty tone. I saw her slightly shaking her head as well when I told her about one of them. It's all very confusing. When I first came out, she didn't talk to me. I thought it was because everything I went through with the bullying before and denying that I was bisexual was what it was about. Then there was the time I came out as a drag king on FB and it had went all around my mom's work. She came home mad and upset. She even said that she was embarrassed, in which I thought she meant by having so many people flock her with information that I haven't even told her yet. Now I'm starting to feel like she actually hates this side of me. The worst part is, even though I have enough money to move out, I can't. There are reasons to this, that I'm not sure if I can explain any further due to the rules of this site that I don't want to violate. Pride week is coming up fairly soon. I don't know what she might do if I continue this in her house much longer. I feel like my soul is blocked, like cut off some how. Like the fear of trying to be myself and being accepted at the same time is somehow holding me back. I plan on being involved in a drag show this year, which is a step up from what I'm doing now. I fear that this is going to take it too far.. but I suppose that kicking me out is the best thing, since I wouldn't feel guilty about it if it where to happen and I know where I could stay until I got a place of my own. Until then, how am I supposed to deal with this?
