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assuming sexual orientation based on relationship

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by littleoldme, Jun 4, 2014.

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  1. littleoldme

    littleoldme
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    so lately i've been thinking about sexuality and what not and tonight on my mind is other peoples perceptions of my orientation.
    ok first off i know it doesn't really matter how others see me i know who i am and happy with me. but it just made me think.
    so in my life i have dated both guys and girls and when i was dating a girl i noticed people assumed i was either lesbian or bi witch is a guess pretty close but then when dating a guy it is assumed that i am 100% straight. my boyfriend pretty much summed it up when he was talking to someone we knew about the fact that i "used to be" lesbian. when he said this it kinda made me look at him like hold on. so basically he was saying that if im dating a girl that makes me lesbian and now that im dating a guy that means that i am now straight... this didnt sit right with me.
    why is sexual orientation assumed... i think when dating the same sex it is slightly less assumed (particularly from those in the LGBT community) but then when in a heterosexual relationship it is automatically assumed that you are straight. witch i am now... then this got me thinking now what....
    so im in a heterosexual relationship but im not heterosexual... do i need to come out? does it matter?
    honestly for me i dont think it matters but i feel it is hard to fight for LGBT rights when it is assumed just because of who i fell in love with that i am not part of that community. its almost like i fit in neither the heterosexual community or the LGBT community...
    idk ive just been thinking about it a bit lately. i think it is important not to assume though i am sure that i do the same thing...
    anyway thats just a few of my 5am thoughts..
     
    #1 littleoldme, Jun 4, 2014
  2. Hyaline

    Hyaline
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    Hum.... this is an interesting thing.. I've thought about this on occasion too..

    I think the difference is how you identify yourself vs how your relationship is identified..

    I am gay, but let's say for the sake of conversation I am Bi.

    If I dated a girl, it would be a straight relationship and I would be Bi.
    If I dated a guy, it would be a gay relationship and I would be Bi.

    I think the difference is in how we identify ourselves and what we tell everyone. Versus how they see the relationship we have with our Significant Others.

    If you feel the need to come out, or admit that you check out the same sex to your opposite sex partner, then do so. Maybe in confidence. If you like both, that "B" in LGBT is where you fit in.. The labels we give ourselves are what matter more, not the labels others give us.

    I suspect someone transgendered might have more insight on that than I. People see them as one sex and they see/feel themselves as something else.
     
    #2 Hyaline, Jun 4, 2014
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