I'm a on and off cross dresser and only 2 or 3 people I never see know about it. I consider myself straight, I find girls attractive in a healthy normal way, but I still have always wanted to be one. (Ages 4-now I cross dress when alone). Now whenever i look at myself in the mirror dressed up I cringe at how I look no matter what I wear. I also find myself jealous of passing crossdrssers and trans genders, insanely jealous in fact. I don't know where I find myself right now. I will be joining the navy as a mechanic soon and I wanted some idea of where I am. This is my first time posting or seeking outside help on this. I can clarify or answer all questions if it will end up helping... I'm lost. It won't be the end of the world for me if I end up never finding out, but 17 years of curiosity catches up lol. ( my only feminine tendencies are that I tend to have "cute attacks" and "adorable moments" and those are quoted by my best friend, he doesn't know about this)
Do you know where your need comes from? Can you put your finger on it? I ask this because while not a cross dresser myself, when I try to figure out why I feel a certain way about something, it helps to know the source. Are you sexually motivated to cross dress or emotionally motivated? I think maybe if you can be honest with yourself, you can learn to love this part of yourself and not "cringe" when you see yourself, no matter what you are wearing. Without getting involved with another group of people who feel the same way you do, you will probably continue to feel isolated. There are people on here who can help you with these questions, but you really should post in the Gender Identity section. That is a section more suitable for your question. We can ask a mod to move it for you if you wish..
