Tell My Crush The Truth?

Hi, I am an 18 year old boy stuck in the same situation for almost two years. A little less than two years ago, I fell for a guy. I am gay, but no one knows. My crush and I are not close friends, we are just friendly.

I first met him at the beginning of my senior year. We go to different schools, but both play the same sport. We talked a little this one day and that night, I requested him on Instagram. He followed me back. Soon after, I friend requested him on Facebook. We became friends. Over a three month span, I had already really liked him. It was January 2013 and I had strong feelings for him. Honestly, my feelings are unexplainable. I don't know how I have fallen so hard for someone I barely know. Throughout my senior year we had small conversations that were always started by me; he rarely ever started a conversation. In April he followed me on Twitter, so I obviously followed him back.

It was now June and I was going to graduate high school. He was finishing his junior year at his private school. When I graduated, I planned to tell him. I figured if he hated me, I would never have to see him again. Throughout the whole summer I contemplated telling him my feelings. However, I never had it in me. I was miserable all summer just thinking about him.

Then, my first year of college came. I hoped to forget about him and move on with my life. Well, that did not happen at all. I was quite busy during the school year, so I didn't have much time to think of him. But to this day, I still stay up late thinking of him. I look at his social media accounts and think about how invisible I am to him.

These past two years have honestly been hell. I have tried to move on, and I can't. I don't know why. Yes, he is cute. Yes, he is smart. But there are so many smart and good looking guys in this world. I don't understand why I can't forget about him.

I am hitting my breaking point. I want this all over. And at this point, the only way I can probably move on is if I tell him my feelings. In March, I promised myself that I would tell him in June. The date I set to tell him IS IN TWO WEEKS. I already wrote the message I am going to send to him. I am pretty set on telling him.

Yet, as the date nears, I am worried. I have read similar stories to this; in all these stories, they overanalyzed every situation and believed they would have a chance. I pretty much know I don't have a chance. I have no reason to believe he will like me, but I am tired of wondering 'what if'.

The only "signs" (and I take the word signs lightly because they really aren't signs; I am quite realistic) would be that he liked three straight Facebook profile pictures of me (which isn't a big deal, I know). Also, a lot of girls think he is really good looking, but he hasn't had a girlfriend in the past two years that I have known him…. but that could just mean he isn't a relationship type of person. Like I said, I have no reason to believe he will like me.

Also, there are obviously risks. If he reads my message and wanted to be a jerk, he could tell everyone and I would be exposed as gay. I am well aware of that situation and it scares me, but I think I'm okay with it.

Perfect situation: he likes me back.
Decent situation: he doesn't like me back but he is understanding.
Bad situation: he isn't understanding and completely ignores my message.
Terrible situation: he thinks it's funny and he tells everyone.

At this point, I am 90% sure I will tell him my feelings. I want to move on with my life and I think this is the only way for me to do so. Do you think I am making the right decision?

I appreciate honesty, but please do not make rude or hurtful comments. I am just very confused and trying to figure out what is the right thing to do. Thank you for taking the time to read this long post and hopefully you can help.

 

Thank you for the responses! I appreciate all the advice and I am going to take it all into consideration.

I have honestly tried to get closer with him so we could at least form a friendship. However, he has never seemed interested in even a friendship and it kind of sucks. I guess I am basically telling him my feelings so I feel like crap and move on; maybe I need an ugly rejection in order for me to finally have closure.

I know that sounds weird for me to say, but as I stated in my original post, I am quite realistic. I am well aware that he is probably not interested at all; I have known this for months. I have tried to move on and I can't seem to. So, rejection is probably my only option.

Thanks again and if anyone else has advice please offer it! I am willing to hear all suggestions.

 

Trust me, I have thought about all of this for hours, but please don't feel like I am disregarding your response. I completely understand your reasoning and I am still unsure if I will tell him in two weeks. I'm obviously [still] quite unsure if I am using this site for advice. Thank you once again for the response!

 

In two days, I'm telling my crush that I have had feelings for him! I will let you all know how it goes!

 

Thank you rumpletubb and mangotree for the responses! I am definitely ready for whatever happens, whether it be moving on with my life or actually starting something.

I am definitely going to keep it simple, so do not worry! Thanks again and I will let you all know

 

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone for the advice and help. All your responses were very supportive and I cannot thank you enough. This was a rough process for me and I am glad I had people to help me.

Anyways, after almost two years, I finally told my crush of my feelings for him. I never thought I would have the guts to do it. I hesitated all of last night to send him the message. At 2:10AM, I finally sent him the message revealing my secret (which I typed back in March). It was quite a long message, but I tried my best to not creep him out or scare him away. After I sent the message, I went to bed and hoped to wake to a response in the morning. I feared he would not even respond.

I woke up at 6:00AM this morning and I had a new message from him. He basically told me he was straight and not interested. However, the message was fairly long and he talked about how he thought I was a nice guy and he would never judge me because of my sexuality. He said I was brave to tell him and he has a lot of respect for me. He also said things wouldn't be weird between us because my sexuality is something I can't control (at least one straight person understands!).

I'm not going to lie, it stung a little. I was rejected by a guy I was fixated on for almost two years; the whole time, I didn't have a chance. However, I am so grateful for him and for God. I thank my crush for being understanding and having the decency to respond. I have read his message at least 5 times now and I am still puzzled by how understanding and genuine he was. Just when you think this world is full of inconsiderate people, someone proves you wrong.

I am also thankful for God. As I previously stated, this whole process was not easy and God helped me through everything. I prayed to him every night, asking him to let my crush go easy on me. God watched over me when I sent that message and he watched over me when I received that response. I don't know if my crush and I will ever talk again, but I am glad things are left on good terms. I now hope to move on with my life.

Once again, thank you everyone for the support! Feel free to comment and give me your opinions. Words cannot describe how appreciative I am for all the feedback I have already received.

 

Thank you everyone for all the kind words regarding this matter. I was very fortunate and I am grateful for how things turned out. It didn't go perfectly, but it went a lot better than expected.

And Trooper, it made reconsider a lot of things too. I seriously assumed the worst in guy; I was ready for him to tell everyone my secret. However, he did the complete opposite and I honestly feel guilty for making assumptions about him. As I said though, I was very fortunate that he was so understanding. Unfortunately, as you know, everyone is not so understanding; you should obviously be cautious in a situation like this.

Thanks again everyone!

 

mbanema - Thank you and I completely agree with you! I'm still a little bit disappointed (of course), but I feel much better now. I finally have an answer to something that has been bothering me for almost two years. Wondering whether he reciprocated my feelings for the past two years has been extremely hard; the outcome was not perfect, but it was so much better than wondering.