I saw on facebook that one of my guy friends got engaged to his girlfriend. She's really pretty, funny, and great personality. I'm happy for them, but also jealous. I don't want her as a fiance, but if I found someone similar to her than I'd probably be happy. But I'm jealous because their relationship is happy, they love each other...but here I am not sure if I could even go into another relationship with a girl in case I'm gay, and if I got engaged to a guy I'd get all the hate baggage from society with it, and there would be more people happy for me if I proposed to a girl instead of a guy. Can others get where I'm coming from and how to rid myself of this jealousy?
Yeah, I completely understand where you're coming from. Sometimes it hurts to see a straight couple in public holding hands or to see a romance film revolving around a straight couple. Hell, even if someone on facebook says they're interested in the opposite sex. I'm not proud to admit it, but sometimes I just feel so much jealously, and even some resentment. It's irrational, counterproductive, etc., but it is what it is... As far as getting rid of the jealousy...do you have anyone you can talk to about it? Like a therapist or someone? I'm tempted to say that the best way to overcome the jealousy would be to talk to the person you're jealous of, in this case your friend, about it, but I've never done that and I don't know how much good would come of it. But I definitely think it would be beneficial to let someone know how you're feeling.
Well I'm talking to you, so that helps some! And I'm glad you know how I feel. I'm pretty much over this particular bout of jealousy, but I'm sure it will show up again when I have to attend, say a straight best friend's wedding. I don't think this is any big deal that needs to be brought up with my friend. Plus, it would be difficult explaining exactly why I'm jealous.
First question, do you have a crush on this friend? If not, I guess what you're feeling is the realization that LGBT people will always be a minority. I started a new job last month and I saw all the cute new guys and thought, wow i'm going to make the most of this. One by one I worked out via discussions or facebook that they were indeed nearly all straight. At age 30 I have dealt with enough disappointment of the moment you meet a nice guy, start connecting with him and then finding out they are straight. These days if I meet a guy I like, I treat them kindly and probe their sexuality as quickly as possible by saying something like "that will please the Mrs" and if they answer with yes she... or with anything for that matter, I know their not available and I try not to get too close from that point on. Sorry I did go off on a tangent there but I hope the info is useful.
You are tad right about that buddy. I've shared similar experiences. As a friend though, we still get jealous some times. Even though they're just friends to us. I experience this too whenever my girl friends have boyfriends. You are also right, we need to be cautious not to give meaning to the kindness and closeness that guys give us. Because disappointment is all we're going to get if they turn out to be straights. :icon_wink
wardrobeescaper, I don't have a crush on him, but I do think he has a nice body. Huh, that's probably what I'll have to "look forward to" in the future. It actually quite sucks to realize how heteronormative society is, I've been seeing it more lately. darth vader, yes that's a thing I'll have to look out for, distinguishing genuine niceness vs. flirtiness.
Even in a platonic friendship there are feelings of love, it's just a different kind of love. Sometimes the lines get blurred though and our feelings run a little (or a lot) deeper, so when someone else arrives on the scene, like a new friend, girlfriend, boyfriend or even a fiance we are awakened to our true feelings through the jealousy we experience. The jealousy may be projected towards the other person or it may be a jealousy of the happiness in their relationship, which is in contrast to our own experience. Either way, we have our own feelings to deal with at this point and it can be very difficult because the issue is on our side and not theirs. On the point of questioning your own feelings, it's perfectly okay to be in that place of not really knowing and needing more time (and experience) to work things out. If you are not certain of your feelings it would be a huge mistake to meet a girl and go as far as getting engaged though. By all means date girls and/or boys and see where your feelings lead you, but you really need to be very sure before you get engaged as it could totally unravel in the future. There are other members of this forum who will tell you that.
