Hmm I've been thinking if I should post this or not, I guess I just need advice from a group of anon people not in my life. So my mom has this friend she's known for over 25 yrs, they were always close until recently. Me and my mom's friends kids practically grew up together, since I was an only child and all. One of the kids is getting married, so close friends ask me and my mother about when we are going and what's the fiance like etc. and the truth is we've been kept out of the loop. Quite suddenly after all these years we have been distanced, snubbed as it were, I must say that in these years we have had though times with my dad passing on and other blows to our financial state and they have flourished becoming of a much higher social/financial class than us. Yes they did help us in our hard times, but so did we help them when they were in trouble (although that was many years ago) Normally one has the strength to survive and move on, but this has hit us to the core. I just don't know what to do, I feel it's my fault, I mean I'm not out and not obviously gay but I might have given the inkling since I've not really had a long term gf and idk somehow maybe they got an idea? idk maybe that part is in my head, anyway someone might say just forget about it & them, but you can't wipe out so many years can you? tell me how should one deal with stuff like this...
I don't think that's the reason, but I understand the paranoia. For me personally that paranoia operates in the opposite direction: if people think I'm probably gay, but I'm not out, that causes a loss of face really, since the expectation is that everyone should be out - if you're not then the implication may be that you're too scared/weak to be yourself. I really do think that something else is going on here, probably to do with your mother's relationship with this other family, and possibly quite minor. But these things shouldn't bother you too much. Does your mother have a wide friendship group, or is it more limited? I mean, one should never depend upon one friend or one group of friends alone. I sympathise though. I think you're probably worried more on your mum's behalf than your own, but you need to take care of yourself and be in a good place before helping others. I read some of your other threads. I'm also an only child and not out to parents. What I will say is that you need to be brave. In a few years you'll be out, or mostly out, and like me wonder why you spent so long down in the dumps instead of just enjoying things: so don't waste time! Screw the responsibilities you think you have! If they're preventing you from self articulating, then they are false burdens, false expectations, and false dreams. The other thing is, in your prior thread, you put too much emphasis on culture. Homophobes and homophobic trends exist in *every* part of the world. Culture does not excuse homophobia, *especially in the context of diaspora*. You need to push for what is right and oppose what is wrong. Defiance is a great aid to coming out - and, I might add, brushing off being snubbed by friends!
You are right! Well I guess I always only post when i'm in that certain mood (I am very moody lol). Maybe I just care too much for standing, place, pecking order & status. Another close friend told me 'dude chill, stop caring so much it will consume you' Well it's not just my mom, it's my perceived notion that I don't want to be put down. Even she said you care about this status stuff too much. Well I feel much better now, 3 hrs later I even forgot the post (for a while). & good point i'm going to read my previous threads and figure out why the pattern is how it is. Anyway thanks for replying.
I don't really know. Give them time to miss you. You shouldn't be the only one reaching out and always available.
Ok well first of all very sorry to hear about your dad (*hug*) and it's not your fault. So anyway you guys were both there for each other and then you guys got cut off so that's not exactly your fault. If it makes you feel any better my aunt bought a house down here in Arizona and didn't even tell us we just saw it for the first time and she's had it for 5 months. So I know what that's like. And is it a bad thing that people will find out your gay?
Yeah I've mentioned the dad thing just to put things into context (See in my culture people look down a woman who's lost her husband young anyway that's not the point) That thing with u'r aunt, that's the emotion you know, that's the feeling not envy but being left out and having to find things out like that. The truth is it's happening more often then I like that's why it's affecting me. Sometimes I'm fine & sometimes I feel like this: [YOUTUBE]DYNASTY: Steven is Gay HQ (Al Corley vs. Jack Coleman) - YouTube[/YOUTUBE] More info on this scene, it was HUGE at the time it was shown on prime time tv in 1982! I just saw idk how to put a video in the post.
