This is kind of depressing I have been going through a lot this year. Ever since I came out things have gone down hill. My best friend, someone that I love and would take a bullet for simply isn't there anymore. He spends every waking hour with his girlfriend or at work. When I'm with him he's constantly on his phone not even talking or listening to me, and when I'm not with him he doesn't reply to my texts. He says he's busy but I find it hard to trust someone that is on the phone when you're around constantly, but when I'm not with them it takes hours to get a response. I resent that he devotes 100% of himself to his girlfriend, but it's not like I can compete, I'm just not as important to him as she is. I'm all alone in life, I literally only have that one friend. My family is ultra conservative and they don't like me so there's no help there. I'm unemployed and the debt is piling up, I can't afford food, or utilities, and I very well may be homeless next month. I may have throat cancer, which means my time on this earth is pretty limited. So my question is, is there any point to it? Why work out, why eat, why do anything but just off myself? I'm a drain on the system and I have no real friends. Everything just seems so hopeless..it's not like I'm not trying, I've tried everything..I'm just so lonely.
theres only meaning if you put meaning into your life, your not a waste i will tell you that now dude, i know life is tough but you just have to pull though
Finding meaning to your life is something that we all struggle with. I've had my life focus change several times during my life time and I expect it to change again. The trick to it is living in the here and now. Finding what makes you happy and finding what gives you the peace to survive in a meaningful way. You friend sounds like a normal guy honestly. he might be put out a bit on the whole gay thing, but odds are, he is just into his GF. This has happened before with me as well. I just had to make sure to get out and meet some new people. get a hobby, take a class, go outside for a walk. Find something else to occupy your time rather than hoping he will entertain you. As far as your time on this earth. Lots of people could chime in and say this or that, but honestly, nobody really knows. If you think your time might be short, then I certainly wouldn't sit and wait it out. Getting out there and having an adventure would bring meaning to your life in a way you can't imagine. But ultimately, it is up to you to move your life forward. And you alone are responsible for your long term happiness. Now get your butt up and get out there..
Aw... Please don't kill yourself. If you didn't have throat cancer, wouldn't it be a waste to act like you had it and killed yourself? Trust me there IS someone out there for you who wants you in their life (*hug*)
When you lump all of these issues together it does sound overwhelming and hopeless, but if you take a step back, you can see that everything is not intertwined like a messy ball of wool. When you are in the middle of the crisis, it can be very difficult to see that. Admittedly, you have a number of very serious and pressing issues that cannot be ignored and it must be draining on you to confront them. I'm wondering how much you have told your friend about what is going on? I can't imagine any friend ignoring an appeal for help and support in the circumstances you describe, no matter how wrapped up they are in a new relationship. Is he fully aware of the desperation you are facing right now? You say you may have throat cancer... when will you know for certain? This would seem to be the most important issue right now. If a positive diagnosis is made, please ask the medical team if there is any practical, social or emotional support available, which may include help with housing and finance. I'm not sure where you are, but in some countries there are groups and organisations that can make a real difference with all of this stuff and offer you a helping hand and feeling of stability, rather than despair while you are battling against cancer. Even if the diagnosis is negative, there may still be options open to you to deal with the financial and housing problems. Can you say what you have tried, so far? Depending on where you are, there may be a statutory obligation to support and there are some excellent non-government organisations operating that may also be able to help. Try to look at the issues you are facing in small chunks and keep talking about your thoughts and feelings while everything seems so bleak. Remember, you can be honest on here, so please let us know what's happening.
Well I would at he's just being normal if this is how he's always acted. I met him after he had already been with this girl for a long time. We used to talk every day, and hang out often. He used to call me his best friend and acted like a brother to me, but he simply doesn't anymore. I am getting the feeling that I just need to cut him out of my life, I was there for him when he was at his lowest, but he's not there for me now, when I'm borderline suicidal. We used to have a very strong friendship that couldn't be questioned, but now I just don't know what to think. It's really the icing on the shit cake to be honest. I haven't been to the doctor because I'm scared, I just see the signs of a tumor.
1.) It sucks that your best friend isn't there for you when you need him. Have you tried to explain to him how hard life is being right now? Then again try and not rely on one person for all of your support- I'm certain there are plenty of people on EC who would be more than willing to help you try and get through this. 2.) Your family should be there no matter what, and if they aren't there for you now, then they aren't much of an understanding family. Have you tried extended family or a friend of a friend? I'm certain someone could give you a place to stay if you've fallen on hard times, if you don't have a single relative who isn't a conservative or doesn't care about you, then that is just some very bad luck. 3.) Tumors aren't always cancerous, if you have any concerns that it may be a tumor you must get it checked out by a medical professional. Odds are it is a benign tumor if anything, but if it is cancerous then medicine is very advanced and can completely have it removed and stop it from spreading and actually becoming a serious health risk. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do, I'm certain it will all work out in the end for an amazing person like you!
Life is so unpredictable. I have been suicidal in the past, didn't see any point on meaning to anything, bad family situation, no real friends, working so much I was so exhausted after that I didn't want to do anything, working just so I can pay my bills and go work again. Everyday was the same. I don't really know what changed, but I slowly started looking at things differently, I figured that I will make my own happiness. I stated going for walks, painting, enjoying little things like flowers or sunsets, and listening to a lot of music. I just started doing things that would make me happy. Before I knew I made good friends stared going out to gay bars and even though my family situation still sucks and I still work to much, but now I feel a lot better, I feel like there is some light in my life. Some days are still hard, but I take it one day at a time, try to enjoy every moment. All I can say is try to take a different look at things, try to get out and try new things. Like I said live is unpredictable, you never know what's just around the corner. Good luck, be strong.
