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feeling guilty

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by darkcomesoon, Jun 15, 2014.

  1. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2014
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    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    When I came out to all my friends as a lesbian, they were accepting, but I've always gotten the feeling that it made one of my closest friends a bit uncomfortable. She's a somewhat conservative Christian, and I think her views are best summed up by her belief that homosexuality wasn't natural, but she still believed in marriage equality, because she didn't think it was her place to tell other people what to do.

    I always figured coming out to her might be a bit of an issue, but she's been pretty good about it. Still, she always seems a bit uncomfortable about it when it comes up. The thing is, instead of feeling like I should just be proud to be myself and she should just get used to it, I end up feeling guilty for making her uncomfortable.

    Now that I'm sure I'm genderfluid, I've been trying to dress more masculine on days when I feel more masculine, because that's what makes me more comfortable and I've finally built up the courage to actually do it. But my friend would much rather I dress like a girl, and while she would never be rude enough to actually criticize me for dressing masculinely, she makes a big deal out of telling me how pretty I look when I wear something feminine, or telling me how great I would look wearing a dress, even though she has known for a long time that I don't like wearing dresses. And again, instead of feeling like I should just be myself, I feel like I should be making her happy. I find myself dressing femininely around her on days when I would usually dress androgynously because I know that's what she would prefer.

    We've known each other for fifteen years, and I feel guilty for changing so much so suddenly. But there's definitely part of me that's saying I should just be myself and that she'll get used to it. I figure that's probably the part of me that's right, but I have a hard time believing it.

    So, what do I do? Should I be feeling guilty for this? And if not, how do I convince myself to just be myself around her? And is there anything I can do to help her feel more comfortable about this and to help her start getting used to the change?