Hello. Around seven or eight years ago, I began to identify as a boy. I thought I was playing, I guess. Told everyone online that I was male. It made me feel good. Around two or three years ago, I began to doubt myself. I thought I was lying. The guilt ate at me alive. I couldn't stand it. So I told people I was actually a girl. It made me feel bad. And around one year ago, I began to accept who I was. I stumbled upon to the term "transgender." I was afraid and alienated. I would've never thought I would be transgender. I thought, maybe, that was I going through a phase. But do phases really last seven to eight years? I cracked under the pressure and stress. I came out to my sister, and then I came out to my mother, who told my father. Afterwards, I told my little sister - the last member of my nuclear family. I thought it would lift some of the weight. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. But after I came out, it seemed like nothing was the same. My mother began to hint about how she thought "my thinking was crazy" and how she was worried for me. It felt so suffocating, like she just added more weight on my shoulders, and now I don't know if I can't take it anymore. Then I read that gender therapists could help. At first, I tried to use comfort sites like thequietplace, but it didn't work. I yearned for professional help. I wanted to know all the legal steps to take to change my official gender and my official name. I wanted to know how to live as I pleased. And so I told my mother. It was hard. I felt like I was going to keel over from anxiety. I hate wasting my parents' money. They do too much for me. I already have a medical condition they're treating me with. I don't want to add therapy to the problems. But I managed to do it, and she said yes. But she hasn't mentioned it since. She's going away next month, and I really want her to be here when I go. I understand I can go when she gets back, but that's nearing my school year, and I think going to therapy sessions while school is in session will be even more stressful. And I know I can wait until next year, but this year marks the beginning of my freshman year, and I think it'll be hard to go to therapy in the middle of my school years. I understand it's not really my choice, and perhaps it's too late, but I just want advice. Should I bring it up? Do I even need therapy? Any input is much appreciated. Thank you so much in advance.
It's never too late. Therapy can really help some people while others never get any benefit from it. I was in and out of therapy from ages 11 to 17 (not related to gender) and always found it very helpful. I'm looking for a gender therapist right now too. I definitely think it's worth bringing up to your parents again. Just from what you've written here, it's something that's certainly on your mind and causing you unneeded additional stress. Even if you find therapy unhelpful, having gone through with it will ease your mind. The best outcome is of course that it does help, and you'll be even better off.
Thanks for the advice. I know this will make my entire post sound like a complaining post, but I'm just really concerned about the cost. My mother assures me it's covered by insurance, but I really, really don't know about that, and she says we'll have to go to a family doctor first, anyway, and I don't know how to tell my family doctor about it. It feels like I'm going to be stressed even if I do bring it back up. I just don't know what's better.
hey I feel you on the whole cost thing buddy! I am petrified about costing my parents more money and it makes me feel guilty. But what we have to remember is that this is extremely important to us, and dealing with these stresses makes everyone feel better, not only you. At least in my family, if one person feels unhappy then so does everyone else. therapy has done wonders for my self esteem and it has helped me figure out a lot about myself. I suggest you look into it. Don't feel like you're wasting money. This is important for your wellbeing, trans or not.
Thanks a lot. I guess I'll try to sneak it in somewhere today. Hopefully I don't run away before I can get the words out.
Sweetheart. Sweetheart, you are not complaining. And even if you were, it'd be for a good reason. It sounds like this has been stressing you out for years, and if that's the case, then you should feel free to talk to somebody, up to and including a therapist! I mean, coming here is a good first step, and that's great. But if you think you need to see somebody IRL, then you should. From what I've experienced, therapy is normally covered by insurance, so don't worry about that. Your mental health needs to come first anyways. My recommendation would be to look into therapists in your area and read into what they specialize in. It may also be a good idea to email them and ask what their approach is to trans* persons. You might find a guy who looks to be good at his job but then tries to convince you that your gender is "all in your head". What you need is not somebody to tell you you're wrong. You need somebody to clarify what you're going through. So try looking into therapists, and when you've found a handful that may be helpful, try showing that list to your mom. It may help speed up the process of getting you into an office with somebody. And be positive! Above all, stay positive. Don't forget that you are totally normal and totally awesome, and don't let your stress yank you down. We've got your back. (&&&) (BTW, calling you "sweetheart" was a reflex. Sorry 'bout that. *sweatdrop*)
I just thought that maybe gender therapy was different from everything else. I know top surgery is counted as cosmetic surgery where I am, so it's probably not covered by our insurance. But I'm not too worried about that yet. Thank goodness for binders. About finding therapists online, I heard that it would be... well, cheaper if you get referred by a doctor. And chances are, the therapist that was referred to would be a better choice than the ones I find online. Unless the doctor who refers me isn't really good? I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this. Thanks so much, by the way. It's really reassuring to know that I can find support here if I needed or wanted it. And no worries about calling me "sweetheart" - it makes me feel little warm inside. Haha.
Plenty of gender therapists take insurance. You can even look for one here. Search by zipcode and then you can narrow it by choosing 'transsexual issues'. It will at least give you an idea of what's in your area
Sorry to bump this up again, but I figured it's better than making an entire new thread. If anyone has seen my School Counselors thread, they'd probably know that I said I "failed" at scheduling an appointment. But apparently my deepest, darkest desires wanted otherwise, and I just blurted it out randomly when we were eating out. Needless to say, I immediately felt guilty and self-conscious, but then my mother said yes, I can still go, but I'll have to ask my father. So I looked at him, and he said yes, whenever I'm ready. Well. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. But the problem is still the same. It's so hard to bring it up. What do I do? Can anyone help me, or at least provide a few words of encouragement? I know I'm acting a little selfish and needy here, but I'm just always so damn fickle about these sort of things. One day I'm totally confident and the next I'm as confident as a dead possum that's actually dead. If I say it on a confident day, I'll end up worrying about it on a not confident day, and if I say it on a not confident day - Hell, I can't do that. Or it's really, really hard to. But, it seems easier to just go out and say it when I'm not confident and just leave the worrying for the days I'm feeling confident. If that makes sense. I'm very sorry for the jumbled text, by the way. My thoughts are everywhere.
I know this sucks, and it isn't what you want to hear, but you have to keep bringing it up. You can't let them forget about it. I have been in the exact same situation and it is very not fun. The confidence thing is the worst. Like one day you can be at 100% and the next day you're at 26% and you feel like lying on the floor for the rest of the day. But you have to overcome that. Because this is IMPORTANT to your wellbeing! Therapy is the first step in your transition, and after you start your transition you're well on your way to feeling better in your own skin. I know it sucks. I feel your pain dude. Good luck.
Ironically, I brought it up with my dad this morning. He said I can go next week, but I don't know if he's actually going to schedule an appointment. Wow. It's like whenever I decide to ask for help, I end up doing something by myself, then I come back and just post again. It's a merciless cycle of unnecessary posting, haha. And, thanks man. But I'm just concerned that, maybe, I'm too young? I'm fourteen, although for some reason, I dislike bringing it up. Not sure why. My family tells me that, yeah, I'm too young, but I thought maybe I can get a head start and feel more comfortable with transitioning when I actually, well, can. Legally, anyway. I'm not sure if that's logical thinking or just a young, immature dream. If it is, I guess I should just call it off.
Okay, my dad just randomly walked up to me and asked if I wanted to go tomorrow or the day after. I replied, "Whenever you're ready." But dammit, I thought he forgot. It's like I want to go, yet I don't. Now I'm anxious all over again, and I'm still wondering about that previous question: I'm fourteen - am I too young to go to gender therapy? Anyone who has went, or anyone who has insight, I'd appreciate it a lot if you can pitch in. I would really like to cancel the appointment beforehand if I shouldn't go. My family and I never had to deal with this before, so... we have no idea what to do...
