I stopped being closeted (again) for the second time in my life during my junior year of college in a midwestern state. I feel a bit less ashamed of who I am, a bit more open with myself and the world. I'm not actively proclaiming or talking about my orientation, I just stopped omitting so much. Well, now I'm also tired of presenting an image that is not wholly me. I used to dress more masculine back when I felt brave enough to do so... and back then I'd care about my appearance, feel good about myself and want to look fresh. That was all when I was a teen, though, and before I became an Elementary Education major with a reputation and a huge scholarship from the college. Now I just throw on what feels least uncomfortable and plain, and feminine. At work or while student teaching there's no question I need to dress "feminine" and professional. But is it really worth it to express myself and my gender identity in school and my spare time? I don't want to risk my professional reputation...It doesn't feel as important as the risk, I feel silly, but it's weighing on my mind.
I applaud your bravery for coming back out, first of all It's incredibly irritating how society is still wrapped up in 'traditional' gender roles. Sometimes I'm fully convinced that people are stuck in the 1950s. We should all have the freedom to dress however we please, regardless of what's between our legs. Okay, that was strangely worded... Anyway. It sucks that you are expected to dress in a 'feminine' way for your job simply because you are a woman. I just don't understand why that's still a thing. I wish it could be changed somehow (hopefully it will be eventually). I was a bit confused by one part...you were saying that you do or don't freely express your identity in your spare time? You should at least be allowed to do that...that's your choice, and no one else's. I'm sorry that you have to go through this kind of stuff. I doubt that helped much, but I don't know what else to say...
Thanks for your response. Yes, I still feel uncomfortable dressing like i feel when in class or on my own time. I'm afraid of loosing my reputation at the university as a good student/future teacher but at the same time I feel invisible and incredibly repressed.
My roomate was from a Midwestern state so I might understand what you meant. She dressed up very different than other females and draw odd attention to her. At one point, she decided then it wouldn't be so bad so conform a little, compromise a little... not much just a little so to have everyone happy, and when she goes out of work, she is more of herself.
I get the need to look professional when in class or teaching and unfortunately that generally means more feminine attire, at least for right now. After you establish yourself somewhere you may get away with slacks, a dress shirt, and tie (if that's your thing). I am personality loving that I have the chance to actually be me instead of hiding and I would say hell yea it's worth it. If it were me I'd go ahead and dress professionally while teaching or at school on days you have classes directly related to teaching (there are "core" classes everyone has to take regardless of their major). Then when finished with work/school go home and change into clothes that suit your style (you said more masculine but I'm not sure what your definition of that is). Even if you are hanging out with other teachers/students away from work/school you can dress how you feel comfortable. I think that as long as you prove that you will dress professionally when it is appropriate to do so and don't do stupid stuff like going to jail, you will be fine. You have to be you at some point or you will be bitter and edgy until one day you snap and jab a pencil in a students head.
