I feel really stupid for typing it out and sharing it, but here's the thing. I'm fourteen and completely in love with this girl. Just being around her makes me happy, but as soon as she's not near me it goes away and I'm back to being depressed. After I'm depressed I end up hating myself for loving her and self-harming. I just hate it and I can't get over the urge to self-harm and accept myself for being me. I really don't want to do it anymore but it's all I can do to stay sane.
Think about it this way: If you can't be happy by yourself, you can't truly be happy with her. She might make you feel euphoric* and great in the short term, but I promise it won't last if you stay in your current state. *I used "euphoric" because it sounds to me (in my almost completely ignorant psychological opinion) that something about her releases brain chemicals and you automatically feel good around her. When she's away, they are taken back up, which makes you feel lousy again. You might literally be addicted to her XD. I'm not saying you should stay away, but you should recognize your feelings (especially the bad ones) for what they are. When you feel the urge to hurt yourself, all you're doing is releasing the same brain chemicals you'd otherwise get from her. All I'm really saying is you can't bet your happiness on somebody else.
Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? I used to be very depressed all the time but therapy helped me a lot.
