I am a female in my early 20s and have always been open about my attraction to the same gender. I have been in a relationship with my current gf for almost 2 years. However, whilst in college, I had a very difficult time meeting other lesbians even in gay bars. I was almost always ignored or rejected if I tried to initiate conversation with others. I'm fairly average looking, short and small framed, moderately tattooed and pierced. I have slightly longer than shoulder length hair. Some days I dress in more feminine clothes and some days I wear masculine clothes depending on my mood. Nothing too unappealing about me . When I asked my other (lesbian) friends why they thought I was rejected so much, they said it is because I am too feminine...I thought the point of being a lesbian is that you are attracted to females and femininity?! This has since caused me to feel embarrassed, emasculated, and ashamed of my natural appearance. My girlfriend is somewhat more masculine looking than me although I am generally the dominant one between us. (She has shorter hair, more tattoos, and smaller breasts) This makes me feel constant pressure to look less feminine especially when I am around her. However I don't want to chop off my hair ( I just like having it longer and shaggy) and I also have a rather curvy and feminine figure. Were my friends correct in that most lesbians find me unappealing because I'm not butch enough? I feel invalidated in my sexuality and discusted with my natural appearance.
That is one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard!! (What your friends said). Haven't they ever heard of a "lipstick lesbian?" LOL Girl, wear what makes you feel good. The right person will come along and love you for you. You shouldn't have to dress or act a certain way to get girls to notice you.
I do not think that is the case. In my experience, since I am very femme, I have been ignored and overlooked by fellow lesbians. I have been told this is due to my femininity. I look straight to be quite honest. This is really hard because I am rarely noticed by the girls I am attracted too. I have also been told that lesbians, especially butch, love femme lesbians...So I don't know any other reason why they might possibly reject you other than that they are doubtful of you being gay.
I have gotten this even at a pride party the other lesbians thought I was straight when I walked over to talk to them they separated like I was some straight girl interrupting them . No one believes I'm a lesbian except for another femme who was there and told me to dress more masculine . I'm thinking the best way is just to tell them upfront I'm a lesbian . It's hard enough meeting other women and there are times I've felt lonely and even gotten depressed because of it , it's a lot worse when you get it from other lesbians .
I understand how you feel.. I mean I haven't ever really been to a gay bar but.. I know what it's like to be assumed to be straight.. I am a total Lesbian though if you asked me what I thought about girls you wouldn't be able to shut me up! It clearly doesn't show when i'm out and about though because 1) I Dress feminine 2) I Sit with my legs crossed and 3) I have a soft voice! Not soft but really girly. Don't let it get you down Chica.. You're not alone in this! x
I've also been told that we're love by both butches and femmes yet they don't seem to approach us honestly though I know why in my town that they don't because I went to a gay bar and to my surprise there were mostly straight women there and I remember introducing myself to one woman and she acted like I attacked her she was so scared out of her mind that she was approached by a lesbian in a Gay Bar the bars in my town are such a disappointment filled with nothing but gay men and straight women sometimes I think to myself Why the hell did i even bother coming out here :dry: . So that's why I think the butch and other femme lesbians aren't approaching because you can't even by yourself anymore in a gay bar and from what I heard this is happening in every gay bar around the America they even made a joke about it and less lesbians are coming . So maybe this is why , I've also heard a post about a butch woman talking about how she no longer approaches femmes and yeah it has to do with this . maybe we need to star approaching but even that is shot to hell because I've been told by other lesbians that it's rude to approach girls in gay bars now or ask them if they are into girls or lesbian . Just when I was starting to have fun being out it becomes sad , I can't even approach women now damned if i do damned if I don't [youtube]xp0YumU5XSk[/youtube]
:lol: That straight girl video is rediculous! So funny but so sad! Isn't that girl in that video a Lesbian though? I saw a video a while back about Lesbians will marry your boyfriends.. I'm really ashamed to say this but I assumed they were straight girls making that video but I think it's because it was just.. a joke video so I assumed they were? But now that I think about it.. it's perfectly possible they are really Lesbians.
You don't have to change your appearance for people to like you. You're better off without people who are close-minded enough to think there is such a thing as "too femme to be gay".
I've also been told that I'm quite "girly" and that others would have a hard time believin that I'm into women. Personally, I enjoy dressing/being *somewhat* feminine...it's who I am and I'm not going to be pressured or guilted by the stupid expectations of others. You will not see me cutting my hair, buying men's clothing or "changing my walk" any time soon! To the OP: you seem to have found someone (gf) who aaccepts you as you are... (or she wouldn't be with you). If the lgbt girls on campus do not welcome you as one of the, you don't need to change yourself to fit in. Your similarities end with your one Interest in the same gender. If you are looking to expand your circle of friends I would look for girls/guys that have the same interests as you. Be open with new pwool you meet. Try beING open about your sexuality right away...you never know who might come out to you as a result!! **typing from my phone so I apologize in advance for any typos or oddly inserted word!
