It's what it basically says on tin. Yesterday I got my results for German and IT exams, and I got As for both (97% and 80% respectively) I called mom immediately, and as she was congratulating me in a monotonous tone I could her that she was yawning. The same thing with my dad. My family's gotten used to me bringing home grades like this. Though all my teachers told me to finally get some rest and people were happy for me, I really wasn't. I feel like these achievements are all useless because I have noone to truly share them with, and I think you all know what I mean by that. Meh why am I even dreaming of this stupid thing of having friends and a relationship with someone who's not into drinking and is actually interested in things? It's so pointless, because it will never happen as long as I'm here and not at my new place. :bang: I can never figure out if it's worth looking for some mental help, because I'll be travelling a lot and I also need to reshape my body and learn more german and russian, make more music... Really, I'm probably the happiest in my sleep because then I'm not thinking of anything. What should I do to change this? I'm not happy for what I can do because I take it for granted. What I planned must be done and there's no other way around it. If it gets done, good cause there was no other choice to begin with.
I feel so bad for you :tears: they don't realize that their expressed apathy is crushing your motivation and spirit. It is not unreasonable to wish to be with somebody who is proud of your achievements. After all, things worked for and gained are usually not all for you; they are for the people around you who share in your success. Without that it's no wonder that great performance brings you so little satisfaction. I would certainly talk to your family about their reactions to your good news. Ask them what it would take to impress them; it might get them to thinking and realizing they are extremely proud of you. Maybe they are and just need to show it.
Honestly they would just say that 'Oh well this is how we can express our happiness' or something along those lines. But really, it's not them that's hurting me the most. There's so much I want to give and noone to receive it. Be it caring, sharing experiences and information or thoughts, I feel that my personality and my character are just a total waste of space int he universe. Noone is interested in it, and only those who keep talking about sex, drugs, alcohol and soccer seem to matter. I just simply know my patience won't last forver and I'll call it quits, closing all doors to the outside world.
Like you said you'll be travelling a lot, in the "Bigger World" you will meet all kinds of people, people who have different backgrounds and those who will share your happiness!! You'll be happy
