I've previously posted about my struggles of coming out and received great advice on what do. Now that I'm in the process of doing so, I've encountered a major roadblock that I'm worried I don't know how to get over. I have a deep crush on a good friend of mine, who is openly gay, and just came out to him last week. I decided to come out to him because he's been somewhat of a role model for me and always makes feel comfortable in difficult situations. In addition to admiration, I also thought we had feelings for one another, but I was wrong. Since November I've had strong feelings about him, so strong that I sometimes I can't go a single hour during the day without thinking about him. I don't if it's love or whatever, but I have enough emotions over him to swim in. Tonight he took me out to dinner to discuss my coming out issues and dropped a bomb shell-- he has a deep crush on another mutual friend. At first I didn't think this would upset me so much because I knew before he had a crush on this mutual friend in the past, but I didn't know how deeply I cared for him until I heard him say he still has feelings for him. He told me he’s had a crush on our mutual friend for almost a year and even dreams of asking him out but doesn't know how to do it. He even asked me for advice on where to take him for a date :icon_sad: I'm nervous because this rejection has hit me harder than I thought. Coming out to him revealed some personal issues I've never before had to address. I am incredibly lonely and have a decent number of friends to support me, but no support from my family in this coming out experience, and it really hurts me. On top of that, I'm learning that rejection terrifies me, and I feel I will always be too awkward or unattractive to find someone that truly will truly love me. I thought I found that person in my friend because we both have been so open about our struggles and bonded deeply. I’m worried for my friend because I feel his crush won't know/understand him the way I do and never develop the kind of relationship he's looking for. I want my friend to be happy, so I'm helping him sum up the courage to ask his crush out, but the entire process is depressing me so much that I wish I'd just stayed in the closet and not told anyone about my feelings. I'm sorry if this reads like a sappy love song, but I'm at a loss. The only reason why I initially came out was to tell him how I really felt and now the opportunity is lost. I don't know how to feel/where to go from here.
To me you are just feeling down. We all have times like that, like world's against us. I know this will sound corny but "it will pass". Don't rush things. Rushing things usually result worse outcomes. Instead take your time to process all those new knowledge. In years you might learn form first hand or observe that sometimes rejection is a favorable option then other terrible ones about relationships. Unfortunately we can't pick who we will fall for or who will fall for us. When both are aligned you have a good relationship. I am guessing you are very young. When I was at your age I felt similar things. Now at this age, I think everyone of those let downs, heart-breaks and unrequitted love are just experiences to help us get ready for the real thing... Appreciate it when it arrives. For me it is the way God/Fate/Universe works. Just don't stress yourself too much and don't turn your back to life. There is more to life than this... (*hug*)
