So, as the title says, when I tell some friends that I'm gay, I actually end up having to spend the next 5 minutes restating it and explaining to them that I'm serious. With both online friends, and a roommate I had at a university orientation the other day, I actually had to make an effort to explain to them that I was not joking, but that I am really a homosexual. Apparently people have a hard time believing me primarily because they don't think I "seem" gay... Is that not the most offensive crap ever? Because I don't have a high pitched voice and I don't watch E Network, it's hard for people to believe I have a sexual attraction to some guys and no girls. Am I overreacting, or is it really wrong to use stereotypes like that? I always believed that most gay people, including the few I've met, don't actually meet most stereotypes. Is this true, and do straight people think most gay people are stereotypical because they can't actually tell that they're always surrounded by gay people that they think are straight? Or, am I wrong? Is there actually an observable connection in behavior/interests of gay men and I'm part of this minority of gays that don't act how they're expected to. What's your personal experience with this, and your thoughts to how MOST gay men are (no difference, or more feminine when compared to straight males)? Should I really be offended? If these stereotypes have some truth, should I take not 'seeming' gay as a compliment? I'm just really offended at people who I consider friends that mean well and otherwise are so accepting, and really confused to what's true with the majority of gay men. TY for reading.
For me, it is highly offensive if someone stereotypes me. You have every right to be offended. Your sexuality has nothing to do with your personality. Hope I have been of /some/ help....
While the people who are second-guessing you are using stereotypes, that's honestly something that everyone does nowadays. To be offended by it would be battling nearly the entirety of society. I'm a very straight-acting gay guy, so I'm familiar with people being like, "Really? Are you serious?!" I don't consider it offensive. People rarely intend to be offensive when they second-guess you, so I don't want to make a fuss over it. You're totally entitled to feel your own way about it.
Yeah, but just because everyone feels some way doesn't mean it's right. I try to live my life ignoring what 'society' thinks, and more of what is rational and evident. Most people are religious, I'm an atheist. Not that long ago, most people didn't accept homosexuality or think it wasn't a choice. I appreciate the viewpoint on that though. My primary question though, is, are they right to, as in is there truth to the stereotypes. Are a majority of gay men more feminine in your experiences, or is the stereotypical gay a minority like I've thought, and these people try to stereotype out of their ignorance, not their observations that are factually true.
Peraphs you are overthinking it? Stereotypes are stereotypes, they aren't the truth. Some people may fit in the stereotype, some may not, it's not a rule. Personally, i kinda enjoy explaining it to people, because i find their reactions funny (every now and then i hear "you're serious?")
Honestly I know this won't sound very constructive but I do think your over reacting. Sure they may be using stereotypes but at the same time From my background I have seen people lie about beiny gay for personal reasons (say to get away from a girl) when my older cousin came out it took a while for him to convince most of my family. They ment absolutely no harm but after a change that but to the social norms it's just big news to swallow for even the most tolerant people.
Hmm. Okay so perhaps I'm overreacting, but I've still yet to get anyone's opinions on if the 'stereotypical gays' are a majority or minority in the gay community, or at least in your guys' experiences. Any thoughts on this? Also, I appreciate the honesty and opinions on this thread, thanks a lot all.
I've gotten both responses from people that I have told. Coming out in my late twenties I have had some friends for 10+ years that would have never guessed, and were frankly shocked when I told them. On the other hand I have had friends (some old, some newer) that were not surprised at all, and in fact said it was about time that I came out. Well I am pretty straight acting, I also prefer to watch a sappy drama over sports, I have a good sense of fashion, and know how to decorate a home. I usually hung out with the females in our group (even when it was guys and gals together - I would group more with the women) I wouldn't take offense to it, like it was said by a previous poster I highly doubt their intentions were malicious. I bet it is annoying though.
I get this a lot myself. I have a friend I came out to over a month ago who still asks me "are you really gay". The problem is that there is a huge difference between the way the actual majority of gay men act and the way the visible majority of gay men act. If you were to fill a room with 100 gay men that represented the true ratio of diversity of gay men. Then have someone socialize with the room for a couple hours, at the end of the night ask how many gay men they saw/talked to. Most people would give a number of less than 10. Most people don't realize that the majority of gay men are guys who look and act like the majority of straight men so guys like me go unnoticed... Well until they start talking about girls and I let them know I'm gay. ---------- Post added 19th Jun 2014 at 06:00 AM ---------- From my experience with guys around here I would say that 95% of the guys I would have never guessed were gay. 3-4% had a bit of the"gay voice" otherwise I would have never guessed and the remainder well they stood out worse than Jack from Will and Grace.
The funny thing about stereotypes is, it's the only thing that makes it apparent for some people. As in, if you're very feminine, you're gay, if not, you're not gay. There's lots of masculine gay men, but those are not recognized or "believed" by them, so they think the stereotype is true. Either way, I wouldn't be too bothered by it, being gay is not what defines you, you're an individual, if they don't want to believe that you happen to be gay, that's too bad for them, you don't need to prove anything. Aaron.
Even among gay people, there are people we wouldn't guess are gay. Most stereotypes have their roots in truth, and so if you don't have the stereotypical behaviors that most people associate with being gay, people naturally assume otherwise. I wouldn't take offense.
Reminds me of a friend I used to have. I was never out to her, but she once said I was the "straightest guy she knew." I got quite the giggle out of that XD. It sucks that people don't believe you though. It's almost as offensive as outright gaybashing, because they still expect you to fit into some sort of mold that they established for you. But on the bright side, it is an opportunity to educate them on the truth that not every gay person is a flamer.
Granted this worked for me because I'm a snarky asshole, but I offered to show my internet history to a friend who didn't believe me...he shut up really fast!
well they take it from what they watch on tv like kurt on glee and that guy on ugly betty whatever his name was that gays are always flamboyant femme weak so sensitive and stupid you got to blame the media for showing this to all people im flamboyant myself but to be honest i do have some masc acting so people would think that my flame is just in a joking manner and its not really who im i did get this oh seriously from some people though they were shocked by the news but hey being like this is who im not who im attracted to i think thats the point that people need to get not all straight girls are femme and not all straight males are masc and also gays are the same
I think this misconception about gay men is based on society's most available interpretation of the homosexual male. Those who fit the gay stereotype may also be the most expressive in regards to their sexuality. Society hones in on the memorable and the outspoken. It's unfortunate that we're stereotyped, but our own orientation is the only real factor that determines whether or not we're gay. I believe that a large percentage of gay men are quite similar in both personality and behavior (omitting sex of course) to straight men.
Thanks all for this feedback, really helped. I'll follow the advice to take it as an opportunity to educate people on the truth of the matter and explain that 'there's a difference in the way the actual majority of gay men act and the visual majority of gay men act,' which I thought was a well worded way of putting it. Also, I'll try not to be offended, or rather forgive the ignorance when I try and educate them, and perhaps I'll let them know by saying something along the lines of "but I forgive you" so they understand that they are being ignorant. Appreciate the opinions!
