Genderfluid???

I looked up the def never knew what it meant, can anyone steer me to some posts i can read thru for more info please?

 

On this site or anywhere in general?

 

Anywhere with decent info, I have a lot of questions.

 

Well I have learned the best way to understand something is to hear it from people who have/are experiencing what you are curious about. I don't have any specific links for you but when I was questioning my gender I went on Youtube and watched videos genderfluid people had made about their own experience. It helped me more than any dictionary or article ever did.
- Hope I helped.

 

Ok, ill start with the videos, bit may need some incite from some genderfluid people as well. Just trying to figurr things out.

 

Ok I have some questions, do all genderfluid people crossdress, when they let their other sides out?, does their sexual orientation change depending on which side they feel like being?, and what provokes the switch, is it mood or are there other triggers?

 

Ok this i can totally relate to.

---------- Post added 19th Jun 2014 at 06:38 AM ----------

I have very strong feminine feelings, and crossdress to fit the part, I am comfortable with my genetalia, but have also wondered what it would be like to have female parts. Sometimes I feel totally strong male, but other times the feminine just has to get out. My sexual attractions do not change, still like both men and women either way. Also have constant battles with both sides as far as weight and appearance. Its like a battle between two alternate identities.

 

Not all do... A friend of mine is also genderfluid and they do not cross dress, I however tend to mix both male and female clothing as a part of my daily appearance.
- Orientation does not change I am always gynesexual (I like women) just like someone who is pansexual is always pansexual. Most people who are genderfluid that I know identify using gender neutral terms for sexual attraction that way they always have a term for how they identify (wierd to think about, I know). It's also easier (personally) to say I am gynesexual because that does not reinforce my gender whereas saying "I am a lesbian" would.
- Mood and some triggers (for me anyways)... Things such as body hair or having to dress a certain way for an event (like a wedding) really effect me. I am not sure how to explain that though. In my mind I know what I am trying to say but actually saying it makes no sense (sorry).

"Its like a battle between two alternate identities."
...Yep. That about sums it up right their.

 

Ok first i have to ask about thw body hair trigger, can u elaberate pls.

For me its such a battle always, at work I have to be "the regular me" and it just feels so awkward sometimes, mood is definatly a trigger for me, and i feel like both sides are always in conflict. Sometimes i can keep it together others not so much. I try to be more masculine, and muscular, and my mind and body fight me all the way, I have to force myself to eat sometimes, and fluxuate on weight so much because of it. Its like there is no happy medium, each side of me wants it all and just goes back and fourth, neither side ever wins.

 

Body hair meaning that I can see a girl who has really smooth legs/face or a male with very hairy legs/face and I become really jealous and kind of envy that which makes me realize my gender has fluctuated once again. (Fluctuated was the best word I had but I am not too sure if that actually fits, ha). This all triggers a sort of dysphoria within me, so in this sense I guess the "trigger" is more of a realization but something visual has actually set that off.

~ Sorry if I make little to no sense.

- It's the same kind of thing if I see a male with a flat chest and muscles. I begin to feel very insecure because I am quite skinny and have "those" (chest things) and I want nothing more to be muscular and have a flat chest (granted I am very flat chested as it is). I end up looking at binders and getting angry when I look in a mirror.
... I am always leaning more towards male just so you know. I mean it's kind of obvious I geuss?
Right now if I were to kind of map it I would be here:

Male - - - - X - Middle - - - - - - Female

Kind of in the middle where I am not feeling like either a boy or girl but I am leaning more towards the male end of the spectrum.

---------- Post added 20th Jun 2014 at 03:04 AM ----------

You sound like I did a few months ago.

 

That makes so much sense, I can relate to that.

 

So I guess my next question would be, Every time I try to control/stop being what my mind and body want me to be, the feelings get so bad, depressed, angry, fear, is this normal for genderfluid people? Seems the more I conform to gender, the worse I get Inside. Or should I even be trying to control it?

 

Conforming to the gender you feel at the time or your bio sex?

 

My bio sex because i havent tried conforming to fem side. Still kinda hiding from people so cant quite break outta my shell.

 

Then yes, it is normal.
- You could try slowly feminizing yourself so that it isn't so noticeable if you want. That's how I did things when trying to "conform" to the male side of who I am.

 

I don't suppose maybe u have any ideas how to do that, without people at my work noticing? A lot of th ppl I work with are major homophobes, and they already think im a little off. Home is easier, thats where I usually let her out.

 

Hm. Well as far as work maybe wearing a dress shirt (if you have to be formal) that is a lighter pink or purple? I am not to sure with your work how to do that to be honest since I do not know the situation. Also if you wear pants the vast majority of the time you could shave if that makes you feel better. I know with me that makes a huge difference as to how I view myself.
- Another thing you could try, if you are willing. Is drag. I know it is not for everyone and I am not talking full on performing/head-to-toe dolled up if you are uncomfortable with that but I have found that is a great outlet for people who want to express another side of their gender. Going to drag shows or gay bars/gay friendly bars in drag without having to perform would be a safe bet if you have anything like that around. Also it would be very unlikely that you would run into people from work their seeing as they are homophobic so that is a plus.

 

Ok I get the idea now, thx for all the help and info, really do appreciate it.

 

You are very welcome.