I didn't knew if I should've created this tread on the "sexual and romantic attraction" or "gender indentity and expression" so here it is. While I was questioning about my gender identity I began to research and create treads about that to help me figure it out, but it only made things get even more confusing for me. Talk about that with a few friends didn't help either and it began to make me feel like I'm a woman in denial that hates the fact that she's born woman istead of being a transgender. After that I began to wonder if I'm just a woman that'd rather present herself as a masculine person, so then one of my friends came up with this conclusion when I said that "maybe you're just tricking yourself, you want a strong guy to be your partner and protect you". The thought that I am a feminine woman that just wants a man to feel complete makes me feel so bad, so miserable. My mind doesn't want to believe that it might be the truth and my worst daydreams(or should I say, daymares) are of me being completely excluded from the "men's club", having to deal with being a woman and forced to be protected by a guy, giving him my body and soul to him. I feel so vulnerable just by thinking about it. It's okay, I can deal with the fact that I was born in a female body, but having to feel like something inferior to the men? Honestly, I'd rather die than believe in that. I wished my opinion about men and women wouldn't change, I'd still like to think that these genders are equal, not so different like society want to make us believe. That's probably why I'm having issues with my gender identity. I used to believe that men and women weren't different at all and the only reason I identified myself as a woman was because of the female characteristics in my body. Right now, I just want to become more masculine so no person of the opposite sex would find me attractive, besides the fact that I feel more comfortable expressing my lack of femaleness(not my maleness, my lack of femaleness). I don't feel very comfortable when women check on me or hit on me too, but when the person happens to be a man it's even more unbearable. Okay, now there's no wonder why my gender identity, expression and sexuality are so confused in my mind. I'd like to have some sort of advice to how to make me feel less confused and please... Try to not assume anything about what I might be. You can give me some sugestions to search some label that maybe fit me some way, but don't say that I probably am something. That's exactly what created this whole problem in my head. Sorry if that's the wrong place to talk about it, I just didn't knew where to put it. :tears:
I have an odd habit of replying to posts paragraph by paragraph, I hope you don't mind... I'm curious as to how your friend came to that conclusion. It sounds to me like, if anything, you don't feel like you fit in either the "feminine" or "masculine" categories. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, by the way It's just important to be true to yourself...if you don't agree with your friend's idea on the matter, then it's probably best that you don't think too much about it (if possible...I know it's a lot easier to say than to do). It's pretty clear that the idea of fitting the whole "damsel in distress" image (sorry, that's what your description conjured up in my head) is extremely uncomfortable for you. You are not inferior to men. It sucks that society has yet to shake off its misogyny (I'm not going to start ranting, though...promise). Whoever you feel that you are, however you wish to express your identity--that's you. No one can change that, and while some people may not accept it, that's their loss. I wholeheartedly agree with your stance on this. We should be seen as equals, every last one of us. The fact that there's still so much resistance to that idea (like I said before) is baffling. Biological differences aside, we're all human. Like I said...how you express your identity is up to you, no one else. You should be the person that you are comfortable being. Also, it's not unusual to be uncomfortable when people hit on you...I feel that way sometimes, myself (especially when it's a guy). I guess the best course of action would be to sort of break off the interaction when someone hits on you. It can be done quickly and kindly, so you needn't worry about that. This may sound totally pathetic, but I think the best label for you is "you". You don't need a special word for who you are...all of that terminology exists to provide easy explanations, but it's not a necessity. I'm not sure that made any sense... I don't know if you want a label, but you certainly don't need to have one if it causes too much turmoil for you. Seems like the right place to me. I hope I didn't make things worse/more confusing... Regardless, you get a free internet hug (*hug*)
Thanks for not ignoring me and for trying to help me... It didn't made me more confused, I'm feeling a little better right now actually. My friend came to this conclusion while we were talking about our preferences, I said that I found masculine people to be more attractive to me and that I wished I could have these same traits these people had. That's when she gave me this opinion... It's pretty much the way she sees herself and she must've thought I wanted to feel like a "normal girl", I guess. Nothing wrong with the fact of being a girl, but when she said that I felt bad. I felt like I was a weak woman that's just faking her maleness. It made me realise that I'm not manly, just a person with lack of feminine traits at least. I don't feel so bad identifying myself as a woman anymore, but I'm going to wait for anwhile before I change my gender identity status to be 100% sure that's how I'm comfortable identifying as. I believe that I'm going to need to put my gender expression too in there, I don't like the image people have(or that I think they have) when I label myself as a female. Here's a hug for you too. (*hug*)
