Is it normal to regret your past in the closet

I suspect so. People see missed opportunities and happiness. But try not to dwell on it too much. You've taken the jump now, and for someone taught to believe being gay was sinful, that takes incredible strength. We all have pasts, and mine is painful for a number of reasons. Learn from it, but don't let it hold you back. And most importantly, keep the past where it belongs.

 

I'm sorry but I am shit at giving advice. Yes it is normal/common. Some nights seemingly out of nowhere I start sweating mind racing about those things (my circumstances are similar enough to yours). And unable to get to sleep. Being gay and growing up taking in all these ideas from society basically teaching you that you are worthless or a monster at least in the eyes of others, is going to take its toll.

It sounds like you are not at peace over past hurts. One thing I have found helped me was explaining to one of my parents why I have been hurt and how society can damage gay people. Even though she protested that I was talking rubbish, it helped me a little at the time. Sometimes it's important for us to be understood and believed by someone close to us. Do you talk to your boyfriend about this? Do what you can to better yourself and surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you, if possible.

The past is finished, hopefully in time you will be able to focus on the present (and future) and the regret (it's horrible I know) will become smaller and smaller until one day you realise "hey it's been ages since I felt regret about that difficult time". It's important to find ways of building up your self-confidence, which is easier said than done but I hope you can do it man

 

Its probably extremely common.

You just have to look at it not as time wasted, but instead time spent gaining a life changing experience. Meh, look at straight teens - most have never had an existential crisis yet (amateurs!)! You are young but have already suffered, been brave, and done something scarier than death itself (given many see suicide as an easier way out than coming out, that shows how big a deal it can be in my eyes). You are still standing despite the odds being stacked against you and being raised in a society that tells you that your very existence is wrong. And you think that you haven't lived?! You've had more experience than most!

 

I feel the same as you. I realized I was attracted to girls at 14 but didn't really start coming out until a few months ago. I feel like I've missed out on so much but you can't dwell on the past. Focus on the here and now. You are out! You have a boyfriend who wants to be with you because he loves you

 

Wow, I was going to respond to this thread, but this is the perfect answer, the answer I would have composed in my dreams.

I have the same sort of regrets--and probably a somewhat similar story (I came out at 22, I attempted suicide first, but my family was Mormon rather than Catholic). Life is short and it's hard not to regret wasted time, but then again life is long (G*d willing) and there's plenty of time to build the life you want filled with the love and honesty for which you fought so hard.

 

I also think it is common, but we must learn to not dwell on these thoughts. They are counter productive. There are things we can learn from our past, but the past is just that the past. We cannot change it.

I didn't come out until I was 27, I also had a suicide attempt when I was a teenager, that still to this day most people don't know that I did it mostly because of how I hated myself for being gay.

 

Hi Bewareofyou

the Church also harmed me in this way. You have actually accepted this side of yourself quite early, as compared with me. I'm in my 40s, and I only recently fully accepted and embraced the fact that same-sex attraction is ok, actually more than that, it is awesome, and I no longer feel any inhibition regarding feeling or acting on it. But you know, you still have the majority of your life ahead of you, and if I look after myself well enough, so do I. Enjoy what you've got, not what you could have had.

By the way, your bf probably likes you cos you're a great guy. Go easy on yourself.

Damien.

 

Probably. I regret that I didn't figure things out when I was your age. Instead, it took me more than another 30 years

Be glad you're where you are now. We all learn our lessons when we're ready. You've got a long future ahead of you. Keep your focus on it, and you'll be fine.