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Gay guy taking advantage while I was intoxicated / half asleep

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by trtr2010, Jun 23, 2014.

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  1. trtr2010

    trtr2010
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    The other night I was on a night out followed by a house party and was heavily intoxicated... a bit of a state really. I dont think I was spiked exactly but think I may have been on something as I'd spent a lot of the night drinking random drinks off the side at the club Id been to earlier (foolish I know) and a short while later my teeth were grinding all over the show.

    It got to the point where it was only me and one guy still awake so we went back to his (I presumed to carry on drinking). On the way he was saying he thought I was gay... which I told him I wasn't and was like 'Wtf? what made you think I was gay?'. It never occurred to me for a second that he might have been gay himself

    I thought it seemed like a pretty random thing to be asking but didn't even think anything of it because I was so wasted.

    I dont recall arriving at his place and must have passed out not very long after getting back to his and the next thing I know I'm half asleep and this guy has got his hands all over me, undoes my shirt and starts masturbating me. I was just kind of lying there lifeless... paralysed almost out of the madness of the situation.

    It sort of went on for a bit and then stopped (I forget why, maybe because I wasn't so up for it). Then he started again a short while later and kept kissing me (despite me not exactly kissing him back) and even grabbed my hand to start masturbating him (I cringe at the thought of me actually doing that for a few seconds). He then went to give me oral but that's when it dawned on me that I was in a situation that I really didn't want to be in. So I got him to stop and then we both just went to sleep. He must have known I was heavily intoxicated because at one point he even said about how loud my teeth grinding was from all the gurning

    The whole situation is a pretty blurry memory but I find it sickening just thinking about it, and kind of disgusted with myself for not stopping him right at the start. There is a girl I've had my eye on lately who I really want to start seeing but I cant even imagine what she'd think if she knew about everything that had happened the other week

    I've no idea what to do I imagine it's best to just be glad it didn't go any further and to try and forget about it. Would there be any risk of STIs from the brief couple seconds of him giving oral?
     
    #1 trtr2010, Jun 23, 2014
  2. justinf

    justinf
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    Although I can see where you're coming from, there's no need to feel sickened or disgusted. You stopped before things escalated, and there's nothing disgusting about the few things that you did do. I get why you'd feel that way, because we're programmed to believe doing anything sexual with a guy is 'disgusting', but if you look at it objectively, what happened is not the end of the world. I think the idea of how wrong and sick being with a guy is, is what makes it seem worse than it actually is.

    That being said, maybe at least you can see this as a lesson. Don't drink so much if apparently it makes you do things you'll later regret. Next time you start getting drunk, remember this moment.

    Lastly, even though nothing you said makes me think you're anything less than straight, I do think you should ask yourself the question why you didn't stop him sooner and let it get that far. Mind you, I'm not saying what happened is in any way your own fault; he should've kept his hands to himself after you specifically told him you weren't gay, but if there's any reason you didn't stop him right away, then you should probably find it.
     
    #2 justinf, Jun 23, 2014
  3. AKTodd

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    I'm very sorry that you had to go thru that:frowning2:

    Drunken, predatory behavior is not limited to any single orientation or gender, I'm afraid.

    To answer your last question first, unless you had open cuts or sores on your genitals, I think the STD risk is pretty much zero. That said, it doesn't hurt anything to go get tested if it will make you feel better.

    Unless you were to tell her about it, it seems unlikely that the girl you mention will ever know about this event. And if she's worth your time, she will be sympathetic and supportive if she were ever to find out because it is something painful for you and she will not want to see you in pain.

    As far as why you didn't immediately stop things...you were apparently drunk off your ass and half asleep. I would be very doubtful about trying to come to any conclusions about your sexuality under such circumstances. The idea that any fully straight man would have instantly sobered up and stopped things belongs in the same category as the notion that a straight woman in an equivalent situation who didn't instantly sober up and stop a mans advances must have wanted it. It just doesn't fly.

    I would suggest trying to move on and put this behind you, possibly with the help of a therapist if you feel the need. I don't know if what happened would qualify as assault, or how your part of the world would handle the situation, but legal options might also be something to consider if you think it warranted.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
    #3 AKTodd, Jun 23, 2014
  4. stocking

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    I hate when people don't respect people sexual orientations or sexual preferences and try to drug or get people drunk to sleep with them it's very upsetting . You give him oral ? well if your worried about STIs you can get you can get herpes for one but if I were you I would get myself tested to be safe .
     
    #4 stocking, Jun 23, 2014
  5. trtr2010

    trtr2010
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    thanks for the reassuring replies. I think it is best that I just put it behind me and remember the guy was a tw@t for ignoring me when I said I was straight, and doing what he did when I was wasted like that.

    hopefully it will help me to drink more sensibly in future, although this is just one event on a list of countless regretful situations Ive found myself in as a result of being too drunk etc

    no thankfully not, though I may get tested anyway just for piece of mind
     
    #5 trtr2010, Jun 23, 2014
  6. stocking

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    Thank God, oh wait he gave you oral yeah get tested for the pace of mind
     
    #6 stocking, Jun 23, 2014
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