Hey guys. My name is Kenny, ,so I guess i'll start off with a little about me.I'm a 18 year old whose finishing up his high school career and moving onto to university education, in the business faculty, and eventually, majoring in Human Resource Management. My hobbies include, but not limited to acting, writing, and video games.My personality type (MBTI) is ENFJ, I'm a people person, and I like to surround myself with people to hang out with. I'm usually known as the class clown, the one with the humor and the outrageously weird guy whose not afraid to stand out in a crowd. Yes. I'm that guy. I came out a year ago , when I turned 17. It wasn't because it had felt right, but rather because my life felt boring. Now, I know boring sounds like a very idiotic term to use in this context, but that's what it was. It was boring. I wanted to move on in my life, I wanted to move forward, and not be stuck in the same place, so I came out. I came out to those I felt comfortable with, and for an instant, I thought, ' this is it. My life can finally start.' Coming out wasn't easy ofc, parents were upset and against it. I had my friends though, and they were all supportive, which gave me the confidence I needed to be open with myself. I was excited, and full of energy. I felt like my life is finally going to start, no more hiding, no more insecurities, and no more loneliness. I'll no longer feel alone. Now a full year has come around, and I found myself in the exact same place. Which is odd because with people my age graduating, all my friends are moving on to new phases of their lives. Everyone's life is starting. With new dreams , new hope...and new love. All of this was triggered by a conversation I had today , during lunch. I was hanging out with my 2 best friends as we were talking about our 'romance life.' Which I was hesitant about since mine was pretty non-existent. One of my best friend has fell in love, or astleast it's brewing with someone 9 or 10 years of her senior. We even joked about how I thought I was the only guy that liked older men, and she looked at me and nod. "You are the only guy that likes older men." It was good joke.The other , had another one that was 5 years of her senior and the guy had been chasing for her affections. They looked at me. "What about you?" and for an instant, I didn't know what to say. I had no romance. No guy. No prince charming. No one. Which was quite odd, since I was probably the most 'romantic' one out of the three of us. That got me thinking though. Everyone was moving on to new experiences, dates, crushes, and such. Then there was me. I was in the same exact same place I was a year ago. Insecure, Alone, and hiding. On the ride home, I started to think about it. I swear , I could feel it. The gaping void. The need. The need of wanting some guy to pay attention to me. The need of someone to care, and wash away my insecurities. but really , in the purest form, I just want someone to hold me.Then, I knew what was my problem. I was falling in love. Not in love with someone but in love with the idea of love. The thing is, I also understood the other thing. If I really wanted to be in love, I needed to fall out of the idea of love. The way I saw love, was that it should be something that's pure. Something without expectations met with unconditional. Which is very different from the idea of love. Furthermore, I realized there's always that obstacle that I'm going to face with the fact if I prefer older men. The life styles we lead are going to be so disastrously different, it just simply wouldn't work. But that. Is just another excuse for something I'm scared of. Or atleast, that's what I think. I think I'm scared. I think I'm not ready, yet I want to be ready. it's quite odd. It's like a man whose afraid of heights, but despite it all, despite that he's not through with his therapy, he wants to go straight to sky diving, but he can't because he says that the wind is always too strong, or the parachute isn't safe. But he's in love with the idea of flying. That moment of freedom has he falls through the air with grace and elegance yet he's scared of the ground. And even now, after writing all this, my thoughts are still jumbled together like a yarnball that was played with. There are things I feel like I need to do, and there are things I feel like I can't do. The idea of falling in love, when does it stop? When do I overcome it? Or will it follow me through the rest of my life?
Apologies in advance for the overuse of musical lyrics in my response. You really made me smile. You are such a classic romantic. I invite you to study the music and life of Cole Porter (1891-1964) who was famous for his songs about love in the 1920's and 30's. He said almost the exact same thing you did once in an interview captured in the film based on his life De-Lovely (2004). As I recall the interviewer asked him if he believed in love to which Porter responded that he loved the idea of love. I certainly don't want to dash any hopes you might have of finding unconditional love, but it's not an easy journey and the path you end up going down to acquire it never ends up being the one you expected. If I may get a little Zen on you, it's the journey, not the destination, that is the thing. The best expression of this I have ever found comes from the Carpenters song For All We Know. Paraphrasing: Love, look at the two of us Strangers in many ways Let's take a lifetime to say "I knew you well" For only time will tell us so And love may grow For all we know. Remember, it's the journey that counts so from a practical sense all that time between breakups is lost opportunity for love, and since your time on this earth is limited, you don't want to run out of chances before it's too late. Finding love is the easy part (you may not believe this but I'm sure it will happen to you very soon), keeping it is what's hard. So, with that in mind, here are the two of the biggest relationship traps to avoid so that you don't experience that spectacular fall you so vividly described. One: Don't force the bond between you. It's ironic but the closer you are to the edge of breaking up with someone the stronger the bond between you becomes. That's because the possibility of no longer being together forces you into action (journey). This is the stuff of relationships. Trust in your bond. Two: Don't ever take your partner for granted. One of my favorite songs is Unchained Melody. It's about a person who has been away from his partner for a very long time and upon returning asks the question, "Are you still mine?" Keep your relationship fresh by repeatedly asking your partner to be yours. It's the greatest complement you can give them. By way of example I'll tell you how my partner and I have managed to keep it together for the past 25 years. We've both been blessed with the ability to do a lot of traveling and decided a long time ago that during most of our travels we would go our separate ways. We like very different things, opposites attracting and all, and decided that taking some of me-time would be healthy for the relationship. To that end we typically don't call each other, give each other rides to the airport, ask the other to help us if we get stranded. Basically, what we do on our me-time is our own business. A lot of people think this is bad for the relationship but when we are separated all we think about is the other person and we can't wait to get back together again and tell the stories of our adventures. This may not work for everyone but it's one way to keep things fresh. So, you are right to want to get things moving in your life. I'm very optimistic about your chances. I can tell by your writing you have what we used to call an "old soul." It's an expression that means natural wisdom. Good luck on your journey! I wish you the best.
Ah... Self validation. 'Tis the cruelest of mistresses. She has no mercy, no pity, but embraces all. First thing, Monraffe has some superb words. I would toast to that! You're a sensitive soul, this much is obvious. You're going to perceive and analyze things in a different depth, which brings it closer to yourself. You're fueling your own vulnerability, if that makes any sense. As we go through life, as we learn, laugh, even love, we ignore, cry, even hate, we're accumulating experience. We're acquiring sensations associated with our actions, too. Humanity, the more time it spends with something, begins to form a bond of significance with these things. From this, we build the foundation of our individuality. It is from this process that, everything we've obtained, stirs up our intelligence and our emotions. The more sensitive you are, the greater this whole thing feels. For everything we've done, are doing, and aspire to do, there is a need to feel acknowledged. Inside of us, we seek a meaningful reason to do, because meaning gives us security. It blankets us with the comfort of knowledge, that we can make a difference, even if it is something as simple as making another laugh, or something as outstanding as saving a little old lady from a fall. But despite our doing, what we believe to be best, there is still something lacking -- there is no return, nothing to refuel all that you think, feel, do and say. We find this from multiple sources, be it an whimsical song, an epic book, a cinematic masterpiece, education, hobbies, friends, loved ones, just feeling atop the world. What you desire to give unto another, has become practically an enslaving depression. You have allowed yourself to focus so much on the goal, you're forgetting to make the necessary effort, to even get from where you are, Point A, to where you desire, Point Z. If you really want to find someone to validate your existence, you won't find them easily. You have to validate your existence, before anybody else can notice. In short, perceive yourself as a mirror, and when people glance at you/are around you/hear or speak of you, let them see exactly who the fuck you are! You're Mr. Rad, and you know nobody else is as bad... Okay, that was really corny, but it's getting too serious. A little smirk's worth of comedy was needed, LOL. Resuming... you may find someone, and they may help you overcome, but who is going to support that special person? A relationship is different for many people, but one thing is consistent with all the successful ones, they all have enough confidence and enough trust in one another. You have to be there for another another... ... like jelly and peanut butter. I'm sorry! LOL. Work on what you immediately can do. School, employment, organizing your thoughts and emotions, staying active. As you get your societal resume -- as I call it -- together, things will fall into place, as opportunities (whether you see, or act upon them, or not, is your call), allowing you avenues of potential companionship and progress, or both. At the very least, you have my wishful thoughts and crossed fingers. Stay strong, love long.
Hmmmm, thank you for your advices so far. I really appreciate it. I guess, I've been in a dark place lately, and I'm starting to try and leave that place. You guys said some really useful stuff, and I just wanna thank you guys.
