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My friend sent me $1000...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by thedreamwatch, Jun 23, 2014.

  1. My friend asked me to let her send me money because she knows that I am always extremely broke. We lived together for two years and we've been friends for much longer and where she has come from an extremely wealthy situation, I have come from a much more modest one. Where she has had help from her family to go to school and do all kinds of things, I have had to go it (for the most part) alone.

    She watched me struggle through all of this, always offering to help, but respecting me when I said no, thank you. I never wanted to feel like I owed her anything or that I was taking advantage of how much money she has. I would prefer to be broke most of the time than feel like I had mixed up the equality of our friendship.

    But this time, it's not just me who has no money to pay the bills, it's also my partner.

    So when she asked me if I would take the money she'd send me, I said yes. I know I can pay her back when I get money for school in August, so it would be a pretty short loan.

    I thought she would send me a couple hundred bucks and I would pay the late bills and just get on with it until school money comes in...

    Today I opened the envelope that came in the mail addressed to me in her handwriting and I found a check for a thousand dollars
    I couldn't stop laughing and also crying because that is so much money. And I know she wouldn't have sent it if she had needed it, I know that for sure. And she has been asking, quietly, politely if she could help me a little financially for years. I never said yes until now.

    I just can't believe she sent so much money!

    I took it, swallowed my pride and put it in the bank. I paid my overdue bills, I paid my rent for next month. I filled my fridge with food. I filled my gas tank. I bought some medicine I have been sorely needing. Now I'm going to buy new shoes because the one pair I have now is so worn out that my whole body hurts after work--and if any water is on the ground, it will leak into the shoe...

    I just feel so shitty for needing this money. I don't really regret taking it from my friend. Because I know she loves me and I know she was the one who suggested it and I know my partner depends on us having money as well and I know that I can pay my friend back in August...

    I just hate never having any money. I hate having to have help. I feel ashamed and I know I shouldn't, because I work hard at work and I work hard at school and I am working all the time to better my situation, but this stupid pride of mine...

    I called my friend to thank her for sending the check, but she's away on vacation so she didn't pick up. I'll try calling again tomorrow.

    I'm also planning on buying her a gift when I have the money to pay her back. So I can send her back a check for the thousand dollars she gave me and also something really special and nice for her.
    Is that a good idea of how to thank her properly? (I mean, I'm going to do it over the phone tomorrow since we live far away from each other, but this seems like a better thank you for later when i send money back)
    I might also save some money to visit over winter break with fresh baked good and gifts for her family. I will have plenty of money to live on I can save my money from work to do so without any real trouble.

    Is that good enough? I don't know what to do about this or how to feel about it! I am very grateful and I love my friend dearly for seeing that I'm in trouble and trying to help in any way she can, but I need to express that to her I guess...idk

    I'm not even sure if I'm looking for advice so much as I don't know how to feel and needed to tell someone who won't judge me for my situation... :rolle:
     
  2. TJ

    TJ
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    It's awesome that your friend's so great, and it's even more awesome that you're so appreciative and wanting to return the favor. I'm sure that it means a lot to your friend that you're not just freeloading off of her.

    As for your feelings, you said it yourself - You're trying your damnedest to support yourself and your partner, but you still need help. No matter how hard you try, you still need help to pay the bills. That has to be frustrating.
    My brother was in a similar situation a few years ago in college. No matter how much he worked, he would still need to borrow money from my parents. He felt very needy, and very unable to take care of himself - something almost every 25-year old has the desire to do.

    You've grown up. You want to be independent.
    Unfortunately, it's not so easy while you're in school, but I'm sure you'll be able to work out of it when you've finished.

    Are you concerned just about the present? Do you think you'll be better off when you finish school?

    As for your gifts - fresh baked goods, a well-written card, and gifts for her family would surely show your appreciation. You're very thoughtful to think to do that. (*hug*)
     
  3. Thanks for the reply :slight_smile: Glad I'm not the only one who gets that this is difficult.

    I honestly believe that things will get somewhat better when I'm done with school. They'll be better in September, even! I'm moving to a place I can afford, in an area close enough to school that I won't have to drive there (which is awesome because gas is where so much of my money goes). I can quit this shitty job that's wreaking havoc on my body and get a slightly better one that's closer...etc etc. It's going to be just fine then for both my partner and I, as she just got a new job as well, but it's getting there that's the problem. Until August I am living paycheck to paycheck, hoping I have enough the last few days before payday to put enough gas in to get to work as well as eat...I don't like to make that choice when I can't do both...

    I guess I don't have to now. $1000 is more money that I ever have at once, and even after paying the bills and buying groceries and meds and new shoes, I still have enough to float between checks...

    I just don't know how to get over feeling ashamed of being so broke. It's fine when no one notices but me, or my equally broke friends. I just...I don't know. I guess I feel like the friend who gave me this money is a lot better than me, which is silly. I was afraid to meet some her family because I have no money and live in a totally different world than they do... I was afraid that they would think I am not good enough to be her friend.

    They didn't think that at all. But I don't know how to stop feeling like that about myself.
     
  4. Theron

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    Don't try to pay her back all at once. Keep a tally of what you owe her, pay it back in pieces, and if you feel the need, pay back with interest as a gift.
     
  5. Thanks, I'll think about that. :slight_smile:
     
  6. CharlieChalk

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    You have a great friend.

    Talk to her when she comes back from holiday about paying her back - I'm sure she appreciates the fact that you are looking at giving it back so soon and between the two of you, you'll be able to figure something out whether it is a monthly payment or just when you have some spare change.

    Also, you've gotta remember, that if she didn't want to help, then she wouldn't have kept offering and ultimately given you the money. I've been in a somewhat similar position - and sometimes people do things because it makes them feel better. Your friend probably felt good for helping you. She probably doesn't see you/your friendship as being built around money or the monetary differences between you. She just sees your friendship.
     
  7. Nick07

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    I did the same thing some time ago. The same amount. Unfortunately, our friendship didn't survived that. The balance changed and I think that he thought that I had wanted to buy him. Maybe the friendship simply hadn't been strong and balanced enough to start with. :frowning2:
     
  8. Thanks for this. You're probably totally right. It's just a tough place I've been in for a long time.

    ---------- Post added 25th Jun 2014 at 01:21 AM ----------

    I'm so sorry it didn't work out with your friend! That's very sad. (*hug*)
    I don't think this means the end of my friendship with her. I believe I can swallow my pride enough to simply be grateful for her kindness and care.
     
  9. Nick07

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    It actually took months, it wasn't instant. Don't let your thoughts poison the relationship. In the end I am better being without him than living with myself knowing I didn't help when he needed it. Life is complicated sometimes.
     
  10. It sure is complicated! Thanks for the advice and taking the time :slight_smile:
    And in case your friend never said it, it's good of you to have tried to help. Maybe someday he'll look back and realize you were doing just that.