Okay, so I have this guy friend who for about a year has been an awesome friend. I've known him for, hmm...three...almost four years. Before he was "reformed", he was very...manipulative. He could really (and excuse my language) fuck with your mind. He convinced some of my friends to date him and he also asked for pictures from a few of my friends. Of course, when he gets to me it just turns into a box of chaos. He tried to screw with my mind in that way and it screwed me up worse than I was. I mean, having been sexually abused as a child, he definitely wasn't helping the problem. I was already cutting and having suicidal thoughts at the time, and he KNEW that! And about the abuse! Anyhoo, I, ya know, did send pictures after he successfully broke me...although I can't remember sending anything below the waist to him. Okay, now I'm rambling... Anyhoo, Like I have previously stated, he changed himself. He's...a good guy now. Really funny. And I think it's because of his awesome girlfriend. She's so cool! Anyhoo, over the past few weeks he's been a little...iffy with me. Ya know, text like "I'm horny" and stuff like that. And within the past week he sent me a text that read something like "It would be really cool if there was a girl that would sext with me and just keep it between us." Okay...I'm not dense, douchebag. I know what you're getting at. Being that sarcastic asshole that I am I was kinda like "Well, if you find one then come back and tell me who she is." It took everything I had to keep myself from saying "Yeah? Well, I'm gay." He already knows I'm not into men. I don't know where he's trying to get with me. I suppose he thinks that he can get into my mind again, but I am sooo much stronger now and I won't tolerate that (again, language) shit. I just...I just don't want him to go back to being a complete and total douche. I guess I mainly don't want him to get there because I don't want him to hurt his girlfriend. She's got enough things to worry about with moving states to go to college and all that...I just...what do I need to tell him? How can I approach him about his unacceptable behavior? I'm usually really good with confronting people (even though I hate it), but he is like a ticking Timebomb! One wrong move and BOOM! He explodes on you!
Honestly, from your brief description, does it sound to you like he has changed? To me, it doesn't.. I would make yourself unavailable and distance yourself. Odds are text like "I'm horny" and such are preludes for drama at the very least and far much worse things at the worst. You're a better judge of who this person is, but if he is manipulating you or others than he probably isn't a very good friend. So why continue to be around him? As far as his GF goes, that is her battle to fight. If she and he get along, then maybe they were made for each other. There is a dysfunctional piece that fits other pieces in the puzzle. But I honestly don't think that is your battle to fight. So walk away and invest your time into something more meaningful...
I really do feel that he has changed. I'll be honest, it took months of other people trying to convince me that he had changed. But...I do believe in second chances so I let him have one. He didn't disappoint me. It's just that now I feel like he may be starting to go back to his old ways, and I really don't want that for him. He's had a difficult life with the financial problems his mom has, not to mention the dysfunctional family, and I know what it's like. So I feel like I can't just ditch him, even if its better for me that I do. Also, I would hate for him to lose that one little ray of light he has (his girlfriend) over something that he can easily change. And I would hate myself if I didn't do all that I can to help him.
I'm going to share with you something that, quite honestly, is going to make me a marked target by others with sociopath tendencies. Your friend, from what you described, reminds me of myself... many years ago. I wasn't collecting intimate pictures or sexting, but the manipulation was there. I could break people down, then build them back up, making sure only to hand them the pieces I preferred. I know how the game is played, because I used to play it. You don't just "change". You will always have that side of you -- in this case, the manipulative side -- with you. It's a continual process of making sure, it stays out of your life, and not allowing it to put you into a sort of auto-pilot. I can remember, just allowing myself to do what came natural, and I'd be in a sort of auto-pilot. If we could just remove our disorders or problems, well, life would be a lot more pleasant. This is where things get tricky. If your friend does have some sort of disorder, it may not be entirely their fault. It could be, something, no matter how insignificant or minor it may be, has acted as a trigger. It could just be, he associates you with certain sentiments, and after a period of time, his exterior begins to chip away, revealing his genuine self underneath. Or, and this is assuming the worst, he put on an act to get back into the comforts and reach of everyone, so that he could, systematically, renew what he had done before. Most people labeled sociopaths are remarkably gifted at "faking" recovery. The only way to know for sure is, consistency. Someone who is faking their improvement will, when they feel it best, have lapses of personality. They want something else, and eventually, they will make their move to obtain it. Someone who is not faking will, for the most part, stay in the same general area of progress. Sociopaths, also, have an easy time making you feel pity for them, because it's what keeps you connected -- that sympathy and pity for them, is a lifeline, that they use to reel you in. They can make you believe almost anything, because they have to, because it's how they maintain the foundation of their manipulative game; to lose the game, is to lose their stimulation, their momentary purpose. They rarely feel, they almost always only react. From what you've shared, I would say, this individual has not changed. I would also say, if I had to place a wager, that you may be dealing with a sociopath... or just a jerk. Either way, you can be willing to help, but be prepared to deal with some more shenanigans.
Stay away, I've known people like that and they are trouble. In your post you said that you're depressed and cut yourself. I used to do things like that too, I also saw things. I would cut myself sometimes, but mostly I would dig my nails in to my skin and peel pieces off. But I'm going to tell you that once I found the right doctor and the right meds, I really started to get better, and I'm almost 100% better now. Have faith that you will get better too.
