Everything is going to shit, it seems. i don't know why....but ever since ....months ago,....i've been very depressed, i don't even know why...i was graduating then after i graduated, i had a job. then i got really depressed, attempted suicide, then was put into a mental hospital for a week, was more happy their than here it almost seems then i got out, got depressed again, attempted suicide again....but i wasn't caught this time, and then i started smoking. i had my job for a while then i got fired over something stupid which left me more upset because all of my co-workers were happy with me including my boss (the one who fired me!) so it was like "i fucked up everything" and now, i've been smoking more often, and asking friends if i can drink their parents wine out of desperation. i have a crush on this girl who's fucking straight and i'm losing my friends....and everything is crashing down on me and today, i cut my arms and wrists and i was bleeding, i had never bled before but i made sure i did this time and at every other night, i break down crying to myself ...i just, i feel like i'm stuck.... i don't know what to do anymore....
(*hug*) Have the hospital recommended a therapist? Have they given you some tips how to cope? Have they offered you antidepresants? Do your parents know how you are feeling?
I have a psychiatrist, I'm on meds, they have given me coping methods, none have worked and no, my dad doesn't know and probably wouldn't care
The most important things is, no one will save you if you don't help them. It took me a very, very long time to learn that. It's not doable. You are with yourself 24/7. No one else is. The strength has to come from you. I know it's hard. But the first step is to DECIDE to get better. And then start to work toward your goal. If you wanted to buy a new book or a car, you would make the decision and start saving or exploring possibilities. Once you decide to get better, you need to think about how to get there. You will have to actively fight the bad thoughts. When you feel like cutting, leave the house, start doing something, excercising can help. Even simple squats. Actively search for nice things in your day. They ARE there. The world around you and your happy friend is the same. But you focus on the bad ones. They see a sunny day, you think about crawling under a stone where it is dark. Try to feel the warmth and forbid yourself the negative thoughts. Our brain is incredibly powerful. Your friends or the therapist can help you, but they will NOT save you. It feels great to know that someone is helping and it is tempting to want them do all the work. Once you realize that it's you who needs to do the job, you are on the right track. It doesn't mean you are alone in it. (*hug*) Have they checked your blood tests? Some diseases cause depression.
Well...I've been trying but to no avail. I don't know anymore...I'm just living off newports for now... I got scars I'm trying to hide because I cut the other day
