I'm completely out to everyone. I have no regrets about that, so don't worry, that's not what this is about. I'm 17. I just graduated from high school, and even more recently came out to everyone on Facebook. I have never had a big problem putting the past behind me before. I always just said to myself, "darn it past self! Why are you dumb?" But now I can't help it. The past has never bothered me as much as it does now. I regret, more than anything I've ever done, that I didn't know sooner. Seems like all of my gay/les/bi friends knew when they were about 13-14, but I didn't know until this year. I feel like I missed out on enjoying high school as much because I never knew my true feelings. I feel really stupid. It doesn't help that I've had the vaguest suspicion since I was about 12. I hate myself for it, but I never really put the time into thinking about it. This sounds selfish, because I know a lot of people don't realize their sexuality until they are much older then I am. But I'm counting on that. I'm sure many people have had to deal with this, and maybe you will be able to tell me where to start.
It's all very well your GLB friends knowing/accepting at 13 or 14, but you are not them. You are you. It's your own unique journey and there is absolutely no reason why you should follow the same path as them. Knowing at a young age is fine, but coming out at a young age is not without risk. When you come out you are taking a step into the unknown and it's sometimes better to leave it until a bit later when you are in a better place to be able to cope. How would it have been if you'd come out at 13 and experienced a nasty backlash from people? It's really only when you reach a certain age that you can fully embrace and explore your sexuality anyway (varies from country to country or state to state in some countries). You are probably around that age now, so rather than missing out, you've probably got the timing about right. It's not that you are being selfish, it's more that you are beating yourself up needlessly about this. Be happy that you have a lot to experience and enjoy in the years ahead.
I understand how you're feeling Sharoy. I regret the way I acted in the past concerning my sexuality, too. I was so in denial that I threw myself into boys... which, as my friends know about my 'past' with boys, I'm concerned it'll make it harder for them to accept my sexuality now. But in regards to wasted time, you're 17!! Don't worry about high school - Think about college! About everything you've got ahead of you. You have plenty of time to explore, and enjoy, your sexuality now. As Linco said, depending at where you're from, you're likely at the perfect age to go have fun.
Yeah, I understand. Logically, I'm perfectly fine with it. I do have most of my life ahead of me, and I'm glad I at least figured it out before college. I just can't help but think about how much more focused my life could have been if I'd known. I don't know. I think given some time, I'll probably get over it. Thanks for your input, it actually calmed me down quite a bit
Don't worry too much about it. In a certain way it just means that your expereinces are going to be different than those from a person that came out earlier or later. In your case, having figured out your sexuality as a more mature person can help you aking better decisions etc. As you have already said, you have loads of time ahead. Being 17 you are in the eprfect age to start dating, having relationships etc. just give yourself a little time and remember not to be very harsh on you. I am 26, came out last year and keep making teenager-like mistakes relationship-wise the difference is that being older means that i have more experience and confidence to deal with them better. Besides uni is a great place to come out in my experience, kids and teenagers tend to be less open minded and you are more likely to have a hard time. People at uni at way more open-minded and less prejudiced
Some people take longer to figure stuff out, and that's totally normal. Yeah, sure, I mean you COULD have been one of those people that figures it out in early adolescence, but you're not. And that's perfectly okay. There are people who know from the beginning. There are people that find out in their early adolescence, or their late adolescence. There are people that don't find out until their 30s or 40s. There are people that don't figure it out until even later. And it doesn't make them any less gay or bi or trans or what have you. All of it is okay. There's no use kicking yourself for not figuring it out right away.
Haha, I didn't know I'm gay until 35. Sure I asked myself a few times why I didn't know earlier but I don't feel stupid about it at all. There were circumstances in my life that made it harder for me to realize. I think that keep beating yourself about it would just make you waste some more time and it's what would be really stupid of you, not that you didn't know earlier. imo
I didn't accept being gay until I was 53, yes, I'm a bit of a late-bloomer. So being over 50 means there is no time to lose, such as wasting it in on regret. Right now, I'm having a blast! The past no longer exists, not even worth thinking about really, I have more important things I want to accomplish before I get really old!
My regret is knowing when I was 12 but not accepting it till 20 years later. But we all "would have if we could have" so really we should not be beating ourselves up at all .. If you are 17 you have done really really well !
Have you ever seen that episode of the Simpsons where Homer goes back in time and steps on bugs etc... and then when he goes back to the present, everything's different? At one point it was raining dohnuts. You can never know how changing one small thing in your past would change who you are now and/or the situations that you encountered after that point. If you were ready to come out at one of those earlier ages, you would have. But the fact is, you weren't. What matters is who you are now, not who you were in the past. It should also feel good that you got through a difficult time in your life. Having trials early in your life can be an amazing gift and can make your future more enjoyable, free and open - because small problems that arise stress you out less than they do for others. You might also be more mentally and emotionally mature compared to your friends because of the struggles that you experienced. Don't know if that will make you feel better or worse. Peace! (*hug*)
