Hi All I am a 34 year old women, I have been married 7 years and have 3 kids. Ever since I was young I remember being sexually turned on by girls. I was emotionally attracted to boys though and only dated men. I started having sex at 13 but never had an orgasm until I was 17 and saw a naked women on TV by myself and started to masturbate. Since then I have a hard time climaxing unless I am thinking about a women. I am not that sexually attracted to my husband even though he is very good looking and treats me well. I still must fantasize about women. I have only been with a women a few times while under the influence of substances when I was in my early twenties and even though I liked it, I felt guilty the next day. I am confused because I have lots of friends that are women and never have I wanted to be intimate with any of them. Its only in my thoughts with women I do not know or porn. I would love to actually be with a women sober, but I fear it to much and not sure why. I also would not want it to be a friend that I have now. My husband knows I feel like this and he thinks its just because its a "fantasy" in my mind that I think about women and not really a real thing. I dont know if I have never emotionally fallen for a women because of society standards and the fact that I would never allow myself to or if I truly am not emotionally attracted to them. I cannot picture myself with a women when I am old and grey. I guess I am asking how lesbians figured out they were true lesbians? Where you attracted to your female friends emotionally? How do I know what I am? Do I just accept this and move on with my life without looking further into it, is a great sex life more important then keeping my family in tact? Also I would like to try a sexual relationship with a women but I also dont want to hurt another women's feelings by only wanting it to be sexual, and I don't know if women are out there that also just want to try something sexual. I am just getting so frustrated because I get SO SO turned on watching lesbian porn and thinking about sex with a women, and disgusted when I see men in porn. I am just not sexually attracted to them for some reason, I use to be when I was younger but it seems to have faded away. Any advice appreciated.. Sorry if you have answered questions like this a million times.
I have no real advice for someone in your situation, as my own is very different. If you are only turned on/aroused by women, you could be gay. Maybe bi? I think that is probably not a doubt in your mind... now how to proceed from that point... only you can make that decision. You are married, and have been for a while. You also have several children... there are now young lives to consider. (Obviously you alraedy know/thought about that and I'm probably not helping). Talk to your husband a little bit more about your feelings. Tell him how strong they are. He may feel threatened... that is probably why he is trying to minimize them and brush them off. If he isn't willing to acknowledge the gravity of your feelings, you always have us here to vent. Is your sexuality something you feel the need to explore? Or something you just want to shelf in your head and ignore. By your post I would definitely say you were bi/gay. It's now up to you to deal with that info in the most suitable way possible. (I'm a little off/tired right now... may have had one too many pina coladas. sorry if that post made little to no sense).
Heteroromantic lesbian, perhaps? That's a lesbian who can still fall in love with men but does not have sexual attraction to them.
