Who else here has/does struggle with Social Anxiety

Oh god, even hearing "social anxiety" makes me a little anxious. I'm sorry you've had to struggle with it I'm naturally introverted, and while I can force myself to be social and make friends, I don't really feel connected to many people. There have been a few people I've actually trusted and truly liked and felt connected to- almost all of which crashed and burned, so now I am even more disconnected and emotionally closed towards people. There's one person in the world who knows really knows me and I trust and talk to about anything. In the past few years, though, when it comes to being around other people I become someone else. I don't know what to say, I go from feeling confident and beautiful to feeling small and stupid and extremely uncomfortable unless I'm with a friend (even if I'm not close with that person). Being in a room with unknown people is a nightmare to me. It's been enough set me on edge and I cry or can have a panic attack very easily at that point. I'm not really someone to start conversations with strangers or join in on group things, and I can be quiet purely from social anxiety so I'm now known as a stuck up bitch... oops. I remember one time when I was a sophomore, I raised my hand in an English class- I'm great with the subject but I didn't like most the people in the class, so I wasn't very talkative. Anyway, when the teacher noticed he asked the other people to stop speaking so I could be heard, because "Sara's trying to say something. Sara never says anything!" and oh wow, that stung. I immediately shut up and refused to talk again and tried not to cry silently the rest of class- and failed. Probably one of my worst high school memories. With people I'm comfortable enough with, I don't shut up so it's very frustrating to be called "quiet" or "antisocial" when that's not my actual personality.

 

I've had social anxiety my entire life I hate it so much. I can hardly talk to people sometimes and when I'm really anxious I just freeze up. Several times that I've had to give speeches in front of a class I've just burst into tears instead. I often end up hiding in the bathroom stalls to avoid interactions or because I have nowhere to go and don't want to be judged for standing alone or my friends will drag me into awkward situations and I have to just leave. It's really obvious from basically the moment you meet me what my problem is, it's definitely really obvious, but my friends are constantly making fun of me for it and telling me about how weird I act when people talk to me which just makes me feel worse

 

Aw I'm sorry public speaking is rough. I have to hold back tears before giving speeches. I had a panic attack at one point right before giving a German presentation- my friend next to me was trying to convince me that I wasn't prepared enough and my other friend was presenting right then and his German was flawless as usual, setting the bar way too high for me. Students really shouldn't be forced into something like that.

---------- Post added 2nd Jul 2014 at 05:20 AM ----------

I try not to. I do my best to look towards the future and bury the past but some things just get burned into your mind. I'll forget about it eventually. I still haven't stopped cringing internally when I think of how he pointed out my social anxiety/awkwardness to the entire class. I'm at least able to laugh about it, though- I told my friend later who hated that teacher and we were cracking up. He made her cry on her first day at that school...
Thanks for the support<3 (*hug*)

 

Oh my "Social Anxiety" the one thing in my life that I thought would never get over and too be honest I'm not totally there but I'm a lot better than I ever was.

I've always been the quiet one, the I've got on with his work at school, the one that teachers had no problem, the one that didn't have many friends. Through secondary school, college and even Uni things didn't change much or drastically anyway. Sure u got a little more confident in Uni but I wasn't totally there. Since I lived pretty close to Uni I would just go to class and then head home and play video games, do work and just spend time with family. Even at work I was just quiet and got on with it.

But this couldn't go on forever. It was by the time I was 16 that I was slowly beginning to realise I wasn't different. I didn't like girls. I knew something was lurking there all along. I look at shirtless pictures of guys and was like "yeah" and girls did nothing for me. But this just seemed to be another problem I didn't need. So I went into denial about for about 6 year, thinking it was just a phase and would pass. But alas it wasn't and when I turned 22 or there afterwards, I came out to my parents via text.

But my social anxiety was still there and being gay was just crappy. But my at my current job I work with wonderful people. They helped me gradually build confidence in things and couple that with counselling and things were getting better. I could answer the phone at work, talk to other colleagues, hold my head up. Although it's still there it's not crippling me like it did before.

I tried to shorten my story because I can ramble on a bit

 

I can relate a lot to what you've written in your OP, I struggled with it from around age 13 - 18, although only in a serious form from age 17. Really getting much better with it now - this past year I've been confined to my room to anxious to even take out the bins. Now, I've got a job, and I'm preparing to go away on a cadet weekend in a few weeks - that was absolutely impossible for me a year back.

 

I can definitely relate; though I recently realized that since I was younger I tried so hard to fit in in all the ways rather than just embrace my individuality and personality. I forced myself to be social and to be outgoing and I think I came off as awkward.

Same pressure forced me to be straight and to act straight and to relate to my peers as a straight person. It was only recently that I realized that the two are related, and I'm learning to identify when I need my alone time and when I want to be around other people, and I'm learning to be okay with needing a night in.

I think social anxiety and homosexuality aren't 100% correlated, but one can aggravate the other. If you feel like you're different from a young age and are fighting that, you start creating uncomfortable situations for yourself that lead to anxiety.

 

Defently. It makes me feel like crying just to go to social places. I try'd to make myself someone I was not. I hate talking to people who I dont know well.

 

I do, i hate social events and i struggle to talk properly. I said thank you instead of bless you when someone sneezed today XD

 

In some ways I feel like I can relate to you. Around people I do not know I am outward and happy but to my friends I am so anxious they will hate me I can barely speak. It's wierd and crazy but I am so scared everyday of losing the only things in my life that really count at this point in time which is my friends. I have begone to eat less because of it waaaayyy less to the point of it not being health but idk what to do to stay they way I want and be less self counsous.

 

I do , I tried alcohol to loosen up but that's a dangerous idea .
drunk me isn't cool as sober me

 

I think I've always had a mild to moderate form of social anxiety, ever since I was young. I never really spoke about it to others, and I guess it's gone unnoticed, so I can't say I have anything officially.

Like you, when I was a lot younger... I'd say up until the 3rd or 4th grade, I don't remember having many if any problems socially. I was, I guess, a confident, sociable kid who made friends rather easily. By the time I hit fourth grade, I was no longer that desirable peer/friend. I don't know exactly why, even now. It may have been my lack of maturity (still playing with toys, etc), combined with my very poor fashion sense/ complete lack of awareness, and a notably embarrassing hair style. Heck, it might be the hair thing alone! I did however begin to notice that I was often one of the last ones picked, and one of the lesser desirable girls in the class. I was a big fat follower.

Anyhow...slowly, little social things would begin to cause me to become anxious. Things like having to partner up or group up at school. I think I became a little more withdrawn. It only became worse in highschool... I was still an awkward kid throughout, and I hadn't yet learned to embrace that. I had a few friends in high school. Literally just a handful.
I didn't do much with my friends, aside from a little things like hanging out at the movies. I was very inexperienced and naive and VERY AWARE of that fact. The thought of doing anything, like going out with a medium-large group, going to a party, going to dinner with a few people, etc made me anxious. Even the thought of going downtown made me depressed and anxious, as it was out of my comfort zone. The thought of socializing with certain people made me anxious. As a result, I avoided so many social situations and became a bit of a hermit. The more I became aware of how pathetic my life was, the more anxious I became at the thought of putting myself out there.

I was also in a great denial about my liking girls. I refused to accept my attraction to them, and even the slightest possibility of me being into women made me anxious. I was rather preoccupied with justifying why I thought about girls as much as if not more than guys. Needless to say. I didn't do any dating. At all. How can I? I was a hermit with social awkwardness who practically had a fear of meeting new people.

It's funny though, as soon as I got out of highschool, that SLOWLY started to change. I suddenly became interested in meeting people. I tried to PUSH myself to get over my anxiety, and it worked, for the most part. At first, I was still a bit of a hermit and a loner. I mean, I had no friends, so nobody to really hangout with, naturally. My lack of experience continued to cause me anxiety for a while, as I had nothing to talk about or share with others. I would DREAD when certain topics came up and for that reason, I continued to avoid MANY social situations. In fact, a good chunk of my life was spent at home, behind a book or a screen

ANYHOW!! I'm now in my 20s and somehow all of this has drastically changed. I have a more solid and trust worthy group of friends, as well as several friends that SOMEHOW, I have managed to hold on to from childhood. I LOVE going out and meeting new people/making new friends, trying new activities etc. I can't stay in for a full day without becoming bored out of my mind.

That being said, there are still little things that cause me some anxiety, and I've learned to deal with it in a VERY unhealthy and unproductive way ---> AVOIDANCE!
Those things include job interviews, and profession-related things...and also things related to exercise and dancing. The anxiety isn't strong at all...not enough to completely deter my from participating in such things if I REALLY wanted to, but enough to stop me from pursuing such "activities". I'm still quite awkward and clumsy... both physically and socially, and thought the of putting myself in certain situations that can either lead to failure or embarrassment... :dry: :dry:

WOW, anyhow, you asked for a little anecdote and I provided an entire novel (Oops). I'll guess I'll end it here for now...

 

I've struggled with social anxiety for a long time. I pretty sure it stared in junior high for me. A lot of my friends from elementary school had moved away and it seemed hard to make new friends. I really seemed to retreat inwardly. Throughout junior high and high school I didn't have many friends. I usually sat in the hallway and ate alone.

I remember I was so scared to do a speech in my english class, that I was 99% certain that I was willing to take a zero on the speech so I didn't have to go up and speak in front of the class. The 1% screamed at me that my parents would kill me, so I managed to do the speech in sheer terror.

Still going to parties with large groups of people or bars scares me. I can just feel the anxiety radiate inside. I'm really trying to not be a hermit! I've hid in my apartment instead of going to parties that close friends have thrown. Many times I had shame for not going.

I almost didn't get hired for my first job, because the managers of the store thought I was too shy and wouldn't talk to the customers. They were right I was terrified to talk to them, but I did it because I didn't want to get fired. I've struggled with being able to talk freely with people for years, but it has gotten better. Because I've been forced to talk to people in my job, I find it easier. I actually had a customer who I've known since I've worked there complement me, saying he saw me growing as a person.

 

I've had social anxiety for a long time, too. I was always shy and kept to myself, but I think in fifth grade when my best and pretty much only friend turned on me that's when everything got a lot worse. I did well academically but socially I was bullied constantly, and often the bullying was led by my former "friend". At home, my father would criticize and berate me for the smallest infractions. (Literally, chewing too loudly, leaving a few crumbs on the table, watching tv shows he thought were dumb, you get the idea).

I managed to make a small group of friends in Jr. High and they were probably my saving grace. We were a group of misfits, and I was still heavily bullied, but at least I also had people who liked me and who cared. That was pretty much the same through high school. In college I managed to make some new friends, and things sort of stayed level. I had major anxiety around people I didn't know well. I had a very hard time speaking up in class, and hardly ever did. I never went to parties or anything where there would be a large group of people. I never even wanted to use the phone to call for a pizza, or get information I needed on classes, or things like that. The prospect of job searching after school was terrifying because I knew I'd have to go through the interview process.

After college, the worst thing I could have done was go back home, and unfortunately that's what ended up happening. Living with my dad and having no job, my anxiety issues only grew. Eventually I got work and got out of there. I don't mean to say my parents are all bad, they both care about me a lot and did what they can, but my father, even my mother (who is still married to him) says he's impossible to live with. Since then I feel like I've been slowly recovering. I finally started going to therapy. Eventually got on antidepressants for depression and anxiety. At points I lost friends because I was too anxious to hang around even them. I get debilitating panic attacks before certain events. But now I'm slowly doing better. I still have a really hard time with new people. I don't like to go out to crowded places. I feel like I could have a better job but I just don't try because I don't want to have to deal with people (I work at home now and my only communication with my employer is through phone and email). But I push myself a lot more now. Again I have a good small group of friends. I go out with them when I can, and will talk to people I don't know, even though it makes me quite anxious. A few years ago, I was lucky if I socialized every few weeks. Now I find myself busy with people multiple times a week. I have come a long way, but there's still a long road ahead. I am willing to do the work. I am hoping coming out of the closet will help, as then I'll have more to work towards. I would really like to be in a relationship, and if I'm going to find a girlfriend it will definitely mean having to go out there and meet new people.

 

Not only do I have social anxiety, but I also suffer from mild depression (actually one therapist suggested I have dysthymia which is long term mild depression) and I have Asperger Syndrome (which is a high functioning form of autism). With the exception of the depression, I've been this way my whole life.

 

I have been diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder, though it's slight similar to Social Anxiety, my disorder tends to make me "avoid" activities that involve social interaction or anything that is particular about socialisation. Basically I'm trying already avoiding the anxiety that will happen so I decide to back out with everything.

I struggle with this everyday and though it's not as worse as I was before, This is permitting me not to get a job because I'm already afraid of the responsibility, the new skill I need to acquire, the adjustments of my schedule and so I avoid all of these and choose to stay at home all day instead.

It's not very fun at all.

 

90% of this sounds like me. I'm still trying to work through it. Iy wasn?t always like this for me. I felt confident right up to the age of 17, the age i fully accepted that i was gay and started coming out. I used to get attached to people way too easily, so i came out to this group of friends i'd just made at A level (yr 12/13 of school). They ridiculed me and i became the laughing stock of the Sciences department at our HS. They called me peverted and went through a period of serious depression. Since then i've always felt inferior and stupid whenever i open my mouth especially around people i hardly know.I'm far less trusting and find it hard to establish a connection with people. Social situations are often uncomfortable, but i'm now trying to put myself through them. I'm hoping the ''fake it till you make it'' approach that i'm trying will work out.