So I've spent basically all of my money in the last week leaving me with $20 for the rest of the month. I have a lot more energy but I'm still depressed and suicidal. TW: Spoiler I'm also cutting deeper and more often than usual. On the rare occasion that I sleep for more than 3 hours straight I have nightmares, mostly about when I was raped a few months ago and I've kinda wet the bed during those a couple times... idk if that's normal. I haven't been on medication for 3 months now, but I see a psychiatrist this wed which is making me more upset; being on medication for bipolar was not fun. I've also been drinking and taking my left over anxiety meds in access to try to mellow out of my anxiety attacks and/or force myself to sleep. Most of my time is spent just not doing anything. I stare at the computer screen and just don't feel like doing anything so I sit there for hours, maybe flip open a few tabs but that's about it. Idk if I'm manic or what, it's hard for me to tell. But whatever it is, it sucks. Any ideas?
Please keep in tight touch with your doc and/or psychiatrist. And call a Suicide help line (keep the number handy) and use it liberally. You should probably be hospitalized right now, until you can have help getting your meds & neurochemicals straightened out, hun. You're in that serious of a place. You really need to have that kind of help. (*hug*) If you have more than a day's wait until you see your doctor again and can report all these feelings, I'd just go ahead and call a Suicide prevention number now, because they can & will get you set up where you're going to get help immediately, and not too late. (*hug*) ---------- Post added 8th Jul 2014 at 12:38 AM ---------- Once your meds and brain are on an even keel, I think you really need therapy for the sexual assault. Yes, it's done a number on you. Please take care of yourself. <3
But the hospital is scary Most of the nurses treated me like shit because I was trans and the patients had mixed results since I couldn't hide it because those jerks kept calling my birth name no matter how I dressed or told them my identified name. They even strip searched me with a fucking guy. I hate that place
Is there any family that can help you? you kinda really need some at this point and it would not hurt to tell your psychiatrist and someone on the suicide prevention hotline about your situation
I've told my parents a bit... not as much as in the thread but still. I don't plan on killing myself just yet but things are messed up.
Ok, then i REALLY think you should tell them everything, if they know about you being trans and accept you, if think they should be able to help you
